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Exactly 1 month today

It's nearly that time of year again which will mark 15years since #lifechanged #My big brother committed suicide. No amount of time ever heals the pain. No words can ever explain so hard#Tryingtobestrong#mumslife#Lockdown


post op anxiety

Post op day 4 after hip arthroscopy to fix FAI and labral tear. I was finally able to take my first shower. It didn't go so well. I apparently was under so much stress I started to hyperventilate. I began to black out. Ears ringing, couldn't talk, and then my hands and feet clenched up and started to become numb. Luckily my husband was with me and after about 10 long minutes he was able to help me to the bed. I lay there thinking I was dying. I've never experienced a panic attack like that. My husband called EMS because I couldn't talk and felt like I was suffocating and my hands wouldn't open. All my vitals were ok except my O2 stats. They said that happens during hyperventilation. I started to feel better after about 30 mins. and stayed home. It was so traumatizing to me and now it's the next day and it's all I can think about. I can't stop worrying that the worst outcomes possible after a surgery are going to happen to me. This is so hard for me to go through with already having severe depression and now my anxiety is obviously out of control. Has anyone experienced this type of stuff post op? #alwaysscared #Tryingtobestrong #PanicAttacks #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #MajorDepressiveDisorder #Postop


Crazy pain #depressionsucks #Tryingtobestrong

After months and months of anxiety accusations, my pain has been diagnosed as a Hiatal hernia and faulty stomach valve... Surgery to come but sanity restored... A little


I'm trying to be supportive but I'm hurt too

I'm part of a pretty large choir in my state and have been for a very long time. I invited two friends who are both musically inclined both of which had shown interest in going and both of which were dating and had been for a while to go to our concert. Everything was set up and they were going to go. The concert is today and I woke up this morning to a text telling me that they broke up last night. I was very confused because I had been with them last night and they were the same as ever. The text said that they had been trying to decide if they should get married and they believe that they shouldn't. It sounds like this was a mutual decision and they ended on good terms but now the one who sent me the text isn't coming to the concert. I'm trying to be supportive and understanding but they broke up the night before the concert. They couldn't wait one day! I've been planning on both of them being there for months and I still really wish they would both go even just as friends. I know this is selfish thinking on my part but these kinds of things seem to happen to me all the time and I was hoping just once everything would go right. I'm feeling very hurt. I'm trying not to let it get to me because I still have to get ready and do this concert but that's proving very difficult. All I really want to do is curl up in my bed and forget I even have any friends, they only ever seem to disappoint me. How do I deal with the things that I'm feeling and how do I move past my own anger to be supportive of these people? #hurtfeelings #hurt #Disappointments #Breakups #Friends #help #Tryingtobestrong #Depression


“Suck it up Buttercup” #Depression #Sadness #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #Tryingtobestrong #Sleep


I was told three times today to “suck it up buttercup”. I am tired, in pain, and struggling to force myself out of bed in the morning. The only saving grace that gives me the extra push is my husband. I cant bear the thought that he would feel the pain as much as I do by watching me trying to deal with it. I tell him when I feel depressed but try my hardest not to show it too much. But I am so so tired mentally and emotionally. Some days I just want to sleep and stay asleep.

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Having a hard time

In this photo I’m feeling a lot of emotions going on right now. Anger, pain, heartbreak, sadness, tired, misunderstood, and alone.

Though I’m wearing makeup I’m finding it hard to keep it together. I’m on the verge of tears. I’m at a loss for words.

This past week has just been hard and this week doesn’t look like it’s getting any better.

#Tryingtobestrong #HangingByAThread #lonely



Today is just a day where I just wanna cry and let it all out but I can’t no one would understand.
#Tryingtobestrong #Longday