losing a grandparent

I think I understand what my last therapist was talking about when you get to a point where you no longer want the acknowledgment or validation from those who won’t give it to you. I no longer care about any of that anymore. I’ve ruled out that it had to do with my grief and numbness around my grandma being in the hospital. She passed away yesterday and although I’ve made my peace with it, I know that it’s going to hit me hard after it all sinks in. I did notice something- there are some people in my life who seem to pop in and out of life and when they choose to come back, I feel good again because they are back with me. Now, it’s totally different. Two people found their way back to me and I’m completely unfazed. I’ve even reached a point where I no longer want acknowledgment from my mom’s husband. I’m sure that I’m emotionally numb, but then again, I do think that this will send me into another episode of deep depression. I don’t really want to talk to anyone openly about this. At least not yet. All I know is that I’ve reached the “I don’t care “ mode and I don’t mind being there. #MentalHealth #Depression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Grief #emotionallynumb #LosingAGrandparent

Been thinking about my Grandfather a lot since the beginingnand conclusion of the holiday season. He was and will remain my best friend. Pancreatic cancer took him away shortly after my 13th birthday, listening to the following songs help my body cry: 'Buy Me a Rose', 'Bye Bye', 'Dance With My Father Again', and 'Some Sweet Day'. Thank you Kenny Rogers/Luther Vandrose, Mirraha Carry, Luther Vandrose and Mirtaha Carry with Boyz II Men. I am not ashamed to cry and share my feelings with you all.

Whoever reads this, may your day go well or here are two supportive octohugs if you need support 👾👾

#Grief #LosingAGrandparent #TrueFriendship #Love

Since my mom died from stage 4 melanoma in July, it’s up to me to help my dad with gifts. My niece who just turned 13 I’m making a collage of pictures of her and my mom along with flowers saved and pressed from the funeral in a frame besides a gift card. What do I do for her brother who is turning 11 in 2 weeks? I don’t have much time either. I got him a gift card also but he should have something else personal like his sister. I need help. Please give suggestions. #Cancer #Grief #LosingAGrandparent #Birthday

Today, my mom called and told me that my grandmother passed away. She was the only grandparent I had left. I FaceTimed my mother and it hurts to see her filled with tears. I last saw my grandmother about 2 years ago and never got the chance to see her again because I live across the world from her. I’m only 16 and left Thailand 2 years ago and never got to see my Thai family ever since (including my mom and brother). It’s just sad that I never got to say goodbye or support my mom and brother during this time. #LosingAGrandparent #Death #Depression #CheckInWithMe #Loss

So I video chatted with my grandpa today he knows he’s dying but I couldn’t say goodbye just told him that I love him

So now that everything has sunk in from my phone call with my parents earlier (2 hours ago) tomorrow I will be telling my grandpa goodbye over the phone. As I write this I sit in my chair with my wine while listening to the very first song I ever learned to sing and my grandpa taught it to me. I am feeling so lost and just breaking