losing a grandparent

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I Think I Finally Understand…

I think I understand what my last therapist was talking about when you get to a point where you no longer want the acknowledgment or validation from those who won’t give it to you. I no longer care about any of that anymore. I’ve ruled out that it had to do with my grief and numbness around my grandma being in the hospital. She passed away yesterday and although I’ve made my peace with it, I know that it’s going to hit me hard after it all sinks in. I did notice something- there are some people in my life who seem to pop in and out of life and when they choose to come back, I feel good again because they are back with me. Now, it’s totally different. Two people found their way back to me and I’m completely unfazed. I’ve even reached a point where I no longer want acknowledgment from my mom’s husband. I’m sure that I’m emotionally numb, but then again, I do think that this will send me into another episode of deep depression. I don’t really want to talk to anyone openly about this. At least not yet. All I know is that I’ve reached the “I don’t care “ mode and I don’t mind being there. #MentalHealth #Depression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Grief #emotionallynumb #LosingAGrandparent

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Grief

Been thinking about my Grandfather a lot since the beginingnand conclusion of the holiday season. He was and will remain my best friend. Pancreatic cancer took him away shortly after my 13th birthday, listening to the following songs help my body cry: 'Buy Me a Rose', 'Bye Bye', 'Dance With My Father Again', and 'Some Sweet Day'. Thank you Kenny Rogers/Luther Vandrose, Mirraha Carry, Luther Vandrose and Mirtaha Carry with Boyz II Men. I am not ashamed to cry and share my feelings with you all.

Whoever reads this, may your day go well or here are two supportive octohugs if you need support 👾👾

#Grief #LosingAGrandparent #TrueFriendship #Love

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Christmas Spirit- First Year Without My Nan

So this February my nan died very suddenly. It was completely unexpected and all happened within a day.
We are a very close family and I grew up with her more like a second mother, up until her death I would call her or just drop into her place unannounced and be completely at home.
We always spend Christmas at her house, and there are so many Christmas family traditions that she is the centrepiece of... But she's not here this year.
I find myself wishing this Christmas wouldn't happen but I have a 10 year old sister and I want to try and give her a great time still.
The first "Christmas's" thing I've done is go over to decorate my aunts tree with her today. I had a lovely time with her, chatting as she told me stories about all her decorations.
But I miss my nan everyday and every time I think of Christmas the hole in my chest hurts even more.
#Grief #Christmas #Depression #DepressiveDisorders #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #PanicDisorder #Death #LosingAGrandparent #grieving #CheckInWithMe

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What do you get your grandson for his 11th birthday who lost his grandma 2 months ago?

Since my mom died from stage 4 melanoma in July, it’s up to me to help my dad with gifts. My niece who just turned 13 I’m making a collage of pictures of her and my mom along with flowers saved and pressed from the funeral in a frame besides a gift card. What do I do for her brother who is turning 11 in 2 weeks? I don’t have much time either. I got him a gift card also but he should have something else personal like his sister. I need help. Please give suggestions. #Cancer #Grief #LosingAGrandparent #Birthday

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How do you deal with a death in your family?

Today, my mom called and told me that my grandmother passed away. She was the only grandparent I had left. I FaceTimed my mother and it hurts to see her filled with tears. I last saw my grandmother about 2 years ago and never got the chance to see her again because I live across the world from her. I’m only 16 and left Thailand 2 years ago and never got to see my Thai family ever since (including my mom and brother). It’s just sad that I never got to say goodbye or support my mom and brother during this time. #LosingAGrandparent #Death #Depression #CheckInWithMe #Loss

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#CheckInWithMe #LosingAGrandparent

So I video chatted with my grandpa today he knows he’s dying but I couldn’t say goodbye just told him that I love him

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#LosingAGrandparent

So now that everything has sunk in from my phone call with my parents earlier (2 hours ago) tomorrow I will be telling my grandpa goodbye over the phone. As I write this I sit in my chair with my wine while listening to the very first song I ever learned to sing and my grandpa taught it to me. I am feeling so lost and just breaking

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