morethanbipolar

Yesterday, I decided to rearrange my room after a #DepressiveEpisode of about a week. Yesterday, when I woke up, I had energy, motivation, determination. This scared me. Still is because I did the same thing today. Woke up, put up laundry, made coffee, and the days just begun.

Why am I scared of productivity?
Perhaps it's because I'm only used to being productive when I'm #Manic . That worries me because I know i need to keep up the pace or at least keep taking one step forward in spite of my #Depression .

However, i have to remember that thats not always the case. Sometimes sure, but sometimes it's just because I've been taking better care of myself. It may be because of the little steps I've taken that has helped me get to this point. Perhaps it's simply because I haven't forgotten my meds in a while. Regardless of the why, I have to remind myself that I have the gas in the tank to go at least a mile today. That the energy I have won't be wasted on facebook or the like. That mentally, I'm #Stronger than I've ever been.

So, for #today , I will be kind to myself. I will alow myself to work AND rest as I can. I will be strong. #strongerthandepression and #StrongerThanBipolar . I will remember just who I am and fall in love with myself over and over again until it becomes habitual. I will remember that I am #morethandepression and #morethanbipolar . I am worthy of a tidy space to live. I am worthy of the love I give. #iamworthy

This year I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder II. Initially it was a shock because in my mind I would be with sequels of a Burn Out or something...else.. not a chronic disease (stigma was working here eating my mind).

Unknowingly throughout my life I had major depression episodes interspersed with hypomaniac episodes.
I always thought these were phases that happened to me and blamed myself for not being able to control or understand them. So fast I was the best employee as the worst, at the family level something similar was happening.
My love stories started full of intensity almost brushing the obsession, and along the way they lost their color until they became gray and unbearable. Or felt an extreme empathy with people or a withdrawal, I couldn't dose.
I had some traumatic episodes in my childhood, puberty and early adulthood that may have dispelled this disorder and also genetic and environmental factors that may have helped...
I spent the last few months trying to find triggers, reading about mental health , coping skills , testimonials from other bipolar, teraphy and mood regulators to understand (or try) what is going on with me.

I am accepting the disease but I am more than bipolar, I am Aurora, a person, daughter, sister, lover, friend, sociologist, artist and dreamer... maybe more than that...I just need to keep finding out ... step by step.. Slowly but Surely

#BipolarDepression #Bipolar2Disorder #Hypomania #Accepting #thefutureiscoming #morethanbipolar #slowlybutsurely #mentalilness

Everyday #Mania

Me, Myself and Bipolar II

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