Sorry it's late
Hello I have asked this because I once prayed for help when I was young an in trouble an I asked for help from he who can is what I said am to me someone answered an I got some help . And I am curious if others also believe in there being a species that is capable of helping those in need ?
I have to add that although I went to Sunday school an to church growing up I as a teenager stopped praying and attending church yet when I asked he who can for help I received some help and in my mind I felt like there was someone or something just there to help me . I felt kinda scared yet special at the same time .
Yesterday was #WorldBipolarDay and I did not spend the day alone. Not many people know that I live with this disorder because i felt a lot a shame because of how stigmatizing it is and I have kept it to myself. Mostly because I have experienced a lot of rejection from saying I have depression and I have lost friendships. I learned two years ago that this was the issue, I found a psychiatrist that listened and was dedicated to help me work through my struggles. I was misdiagnosed and often told I had everything why should I be depressed or sad over anything. I spent last year learning more about myself and am still working to cope and help myself. It is challenging. I felt safe to post this and this the first time I am sharing this. #BipolarDisorder #mentalilness #Support #WorldBipolarDay #MentalHealth
By definition of the Oxford dictionary - illness ; a disease OR PERIOD of sickness affecting the body or mind.
So is mental illness a disease for you or a period of sickness?
Who decides that?
Have you overturned every stone in search of healing ?
Have you done your trauma work or have you resigned yourself to the disease model?
I wish you all love and healing.
I just realized people aren't that aware of mental illnesses and all.
For example, since I myself discovered I maybe had depression, I began to think of life more deeply and more physiologically. And I realized people thought too lightly of depression. I then searched for the other illnesses and found out people also didn't think much about it.
But those are serious.
Those are real illnesses like others.
It shouldn't be generalized or avoided like it is right now.
I've only been on this group for 2 or 3 weeks but the amount of support I already received is huge! You make me feel like I am a little less crazy than I thought and that I am not alone in this😊
I don't know how to get out of it... I'm not planning on taking my life, but the thoughts are always there. It's been 6 years since I was hospitalized for trying to take my own life, and yet I still think about it. I'm not proud of what I've done, the pain I caused for everyone who loves me.
Every day I hear this voice inside telling me that it's ok to just let go. It frightens me to think that I might make the same mistake again, but that I would succeed this time. My meds do help but not 100%. I guess it will never be all ok. I've learnt to deal with it but some days are just too much.
I can't speak to my close friends or family about how I feel as they will immediately assume the worst and I don't have the energy to deal with it right now.
I apologise for this negative post but I really need to speak to someone about it.
This year I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder II. Initially it was a shock because in my mind I would be with sequels of a Burn Out or something...else.. not a chronic disease (stigma was working here eating my mind).
Unknowingly throughout my life I had major depression episodes interspersed with hypomaniac episodes.
I always thought these were phases that happened to me and blamed myself for not being able to control or understand them. So fast I was the best employee as the worst, at the family level something similar was happening.
My love stories started full of intensity almost brushing the obsession, and along the way they lost their color until they became gray and unbearable. Or felt an extreme empathy with people or a withdrawal, I couldn't dose.
I had some traumatic episodes in my childhood, puberty and early adulthood that may have dispelled this disorder and also genetic and environmental factors that may have helped...
I spent the last few months trying to find triggers, reading about mental health , coping skills , testimonials from other bipolar, teraphy and mood regulators to understand (or try) what is going on with me.
I am accepting the disease but I am more than bipolar, I am Aurora, a person, daughter, sister, lover, friend, sociologist, artist and dreamer... maybe more than that...I just need to keep finding out ... step by step.. Slowly but Surely
Those are just three examples and I'll leave it at that for the sake of brevity. Having an explanation for many of my deepest anxieties was essential in learning to accept myself, anxieties and all. I started to embrace all of myself. I stopped trying to "fix" my anxious thoughts and learned to instead listen to them without judgment. I became more and more grateful for the qualities I like about myself. This sense of gratitude would prove perhaps most impactful out of everything I had learned at this point in my fight against anxiety.
Instead of focusing on my problems and everything that I didn't have, I finally started to think about everything I did have. I recognized that I could be content with what I had and who I was. I learned not to wish for more than I was going to get. Complaining, specifically about anxiety, became more and more pointless, so I did it less and less. It's easy to set your sights on the things to be grateful for when your tendency to complain is no longer in the way. I'd think of things to be grateful for to be able to remind myself that no matter how I felt, I should feel grateful for everything that made the worst bearable. Constantly reminding myself what to be grateful for meant that my attitude shifted radically. Not only could I deal with anxiety, I could also be grateful for the positive ways it had impacted me. I've always had tremendous respect for people who bounce back from mental illness. They always seemed to come out stronger somehow. Once I started to realize that I had gotten through the worst of it and my situation was improving altogether, my sense of self-respect came back. It came back because I knew that what I respected about myself was something I had always respected others for. I was someone who had bounced back from mental illness and I was truly in recovery.
Recovery comes with all sorts of new challenges of its own that I feel ready to take on. I don't think I'll ever have recovered completely, but I'm excited to see what else I come across that will aid me in the process.
Last but not least, I wanted to thank the people that have supported me when I needed it. You gave me the stability I needed to figure all of this out. I couldn't possibly express how much it means to me. Without you I wouldn't have been able to write this story. Thank you.