notme

I’m not sure which would be better medication for BPD or just therapy. I was given antidepressants and anxiety meds and mood stabilizers… years ago and they only made me worse. But now I’m so emotional I can’t even make to job interviews or dr appointments. I feel like I’ve overwhelmed myself but I’m not sure how, and idk how to fix it or make it better. I just want to be a functioning member of society but I can’t even function or feel like a part of society.

#GettingHelp
#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #treatment #Therapy #Medication #help #PTSD #BipolarDisorder #Anxiety #Depression #notme

I writen this many times. The thoughts run in my brain and won’t go away. Totay I saw that I’m done with the negative friendships. But today I’m still the one at fault for expressing my feelings to my mother in law in my room. Everyone can hear it no privacy for me. I can’t express myself without being told I’m wrong.
Now my husband wants to keep the peace and forcing me to make peace with sownboay who has caused me so much drama and hurt. Who says so steal all her stuff etc. she donated out we tried to sale it wouldn’t sale and told I’m jealous of her because I can’t take her hurting me anymore. I don’t care anymore about how she feels because she has made me feel so worthless and I can’t do anything.
I’m not listened to and my husband defends her saying I am jelaous and I can’t be alone and so on. She’s got him believing stupidness that isn’t true about his wife.
I refuse to talk to her don’t want her in my life anymore. They want to talk I’m done with it. I called my mother in law and she agreed that I don’t need this stress and my husband needs to see my feelings he only sees theirs because he won’t stop going up there (which he said he wouldn’t and I’m jealous for asking him to focus on his wife)
I’m feeling bad, but maybe I shouldn’t what do you think? Am I a horrible person for not doing it anymore. For noticing how much she wants her wishes respected but she doesn’t do it with me. Does this make me a bad person for saying I had enough I’m not doing this. Since we were six she did this to me. I don’t see how I am jealous really don’t have anything to be jealous about. I am not the reason stuff is happening to her but I have been her punching bag to long and my anxiety is through the roof. I just needed to be listened to not snapped at or told I’m wrong for having these feelings been told that even from my husband which hurts the most .
Help me I’m dying inside….
#helpme #needhelp #feelinghopeless #notme #ihatelifehere #livingwithahypercrite

So I see that you’re back and have taken your hold.
Dark, and deep, and incredibly bold.
Looks like you’ve got me, tight in your grip.
One wrong move and I surely will slip.
Treading water... Just getting wetter.
Hoping that this time, things will get better.
I wander aimlessly, avoiding the action
Existing in life, but not gaining traction.
You’ll sit down beside me, whisper death in my ear
And I’ll lean in toward you and just disappear.
You’ll take all the pain and the sorrow away
And I will give in for I just cannot stay
But then something in me, a courage will stir
And my head will be clearer, I’ll see through the blur.
I’ll fight my way back and fend you away
I’m not ready to go. Not me. Not today.
I can distance myself and reach out my hand
Get out of the water and onto dry land
You’ll move to the distance growing small as you go
And whilst I’ll still see you, I won’t say hello
And though I need things to change, to come to an end
It won’t be with you, My unwanted friend.

Katelou Jaye

#Depression #unwantedfriend #courage #notme #nottoday