Therapy

After 15 years of regular psychotherapy, I recently made a breakthrough with regards to childhood trauma.
I’ve spent most of my life feeling like I’m living in a bubble and disconnected from everyone (including myself) and one day, I was part of the world again.
A lot of happy childhood memories came back, as I ‘d suppressed everything.
It’s still all a bit weird and a little scary but it’s great to be me again. ❤️

Me: There's always a physical price to pay every time I go out.

My Therapist: We should talk about your use of "always." Does it always happen?

Me: Sometimes the price is worth it, but it happens every time.

MT: It is really always?

Me: I understand what you're saying, but yes. It always happens.

MT: Track that, and we can discuss it next time.

Me: I can, and I have. But it always happens.

MT: I think you'll find it's not always.

Me: (Goes out. Pays Price.) I'll track that, and we can discuss it next time.

#ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #RareDisease #Erythromelalgia #MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #MedicalProfessionals #Therapy #Fibromyalgia

I know this isn't really a site for trauma dumping but I need to vent. My therapy sessions have been shortened and there is a chance that I may lose my therapist. This is creating anxiety that I don't need. My therapist told me that we will continue sessions until I hear of news of any changes. Therapy has helped tremendously as it gives me a safe and non judgmental space to talk about the trauma and abuse I survived and its aftereffects. Given that I therapy is one of the few things that makes me feel safe and validated, I don't want to lose it. Perhaps I'm too reliant on state paid therapy but it has been a life saver, literally. I am also on a plethora of medications to manage my mental health and the idea of losing that is frightening because I remember life before I was medicated, it wasn't good.

I know I should look at this as an opportunity to use my coping skills and to try to find new services but I'm not sure if I can afford it. I detest the fact that I was abused because it never should have happened. I know this isn't polite to say but the people that have hurt me can forget all about me. I've forgotten about them. The aftereffects of the trauma stretch far beyond mental illness. It has effected every area of my life and while I am working towards healing, I hate how it even happened to begin with. That I have to live with the effects of other people's choices.

I know life isn't fair but sometimes it really irks me. I try to be positive and productive but sometimes it doesn't work. I'm not trying to be pessimistic but sometimes it really gets me down that I went through what I did. I hate how the smallest thing can send me into an emotional spiral or a crying spell. I just want to live life without the confines of my past. Like they say, you can't change the past. It's this that bothers me. There are so many things that I wish were different but the reality is, they aren't. Reality acceptance is something I struggle with. I feel like I have come so far in my healing journey but sometimes I feel like I'm going backwards.

I just want to go on with my life without this crippling emotional and mental anguish. I suppose that's just what I have to do. I am grateful for so much but sometimes being grateful can't outweigh the pain I endure. I get really down sometimes and kinda angry because I there isn't much I can do about what I survived. I know I shouldn't live in the past and should enjoy the present but sometimes my past looms over me and I feel like I'm drowning. I don't know what to do sometimes.

If you made it this far, thanks for reading. I appreciate it. This site and community have been a blessing. And I appreciate all of you. We are all warriors here. Stay safe and blessed.

-Anastasia

#PTSD #BipolarDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #SexualAbuse #EmotionalAbuse #rant #help #Therapy

Does anyone else feel like it's a battle just to get the help and support you need? A constant back and forth in your own mind of being desperate for help, and then shaming or guilting yourself for needing it. Does any one else struggle to trust another person to let them in so you can move forward?

I have to switch therapists (mine is leaving the office we worked through). The process of finding a new one feels daunting and near impossible. The shuffling through of names, credentials, and hoping it works out. I hate the idea of opening up to a stranger, needing to trust someone enough to be vulnerable, when everything inside of is screaming to shut down.

But I know I need this support. I've benefitted from my last therapist and am not finished with that sort of support. Just getting what I need is so hard. Its like I have to battle, before I can begin the battle.

#CPTSD #PTSD #Therapy #Supports

How do you cope? I had to shorten my sessions and now I'm not sure how to convey everything I need to in a half hour. I guess I just have to find other coping mechanisms...

#Therapy #BipolarDisorder #Mania #PTSD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #help #coping

Recently started therapy with a new provider. It’s been going well but we are still in the early stages. My “homework” between sessions is to identify my fears about therapy and “doing the work” that is to come.

Has anyone else struggled to identify their fears or answering a providers questions?

#Therapy #stuck #questions #ADHD #Anxiety

The day I went to my first session I was nervous but I talked to her she was kind to me but I was exhausted because of the drama i was living in it,I said a lot of stupid things cuz I didn't know what I should say,my mind was a mess so I start saying whatever comes in top of my mind, I told that I may have BPD in the first session I know I fucked up but whatever so she told why you assume that etc... The thing is she told I have depression and she prescribed for me some meds witch I hate but i'm taking in anyway.

I have a question? is it bad that I told her about the condition I feel I have or not? cuz i can't stop thinking about it

#Therapy #Depression