Outofbody

I didn’t do a whole lot today, but I manage to do enough that felt right for me. I’ve been drawing a lot recently. Some of it doesn’t turn out great, but out of the few things I’ve done I’m proud of. I wanted to do some stretching/light workouts today, I did feel better after the fact and thought I should do something to get my body moving and my mind distracted every so often when I need to. Did some cleaning as well. My new medication came today which I was happy about. I don’t know why, but I’m happy that I’ll be getting mentally evaluated in a month as well. I’m kind of on watch at home as well. After telling my mom about my ideations, she’s been checking in on me and I’ve been checking in with her. On the day that I opened up about it, she kept peeking in my room to see if I was alright (even when I slept). The negative thoughts never really went away even when I tried to focus on other things. I still feel like my presence holds no weight, I still feel like all the people I care about don’t need me around. I’m aware that these thoughts aren’t true, there are people that tell me that I’m important to them and that I’ve been helpful to them. On the other side of the coin, that side of “me” finds it hard to believe that I’m valued. I’m aware that my mind isn’t handling things the same way as a person who can navigate through situations be it internal or external. With this keen awareness of myself is scary sometimes. It’s scary that sometimes it feels like I’m looking at myself as if “I “ stepped outside my body and was looking at my life and the rest of the world. Along with me internalizing a lot of my emotions, inner turmoil, among other things, I feel like I’m to blame for a number of things. I feel like I’m either a burden to others or that I’m not enough. There’s a lot that goes through my mind on a regular basis, and lately it’s been an overload of stuff. #Depression #MentalHealth #MentalHealthAwareness #Thoughts #Outofbody #CheckInWithMe #Newmeds #NegativeThoughts #negativityisconsumingme #Feelinglikeaburden #Notenough #blamingself #Duality