dissociative episode

I need some real advice or suggestions for how to get through the initial break up stage without either crying every waking moment or trying my best to continuously stay in a dissociative state. My bf, who has NPD, just broke up with me last night. He has broken up with me many times during previous arguements but something about this time really seems final to me. We live together, I have no idea where I’ll even go, and due to many debilitating physical illnesses it’s going to take me some time to get all of my things packed and moved out when/if I find somewhere else to go so unfortunately we will still be seeing each other quite a bit for the immediate future. As his abuse and our fights have gotten worse and worse, I’ve found myself avoiding anything that might possibly trigger the slightest amount of hurt, I don’t watch movies or tv anymore, hardly listen to music, stopped reading books. To deal with the amount of pain I’ve been in since last night I’ve had to push myself into such a dissociative state that I have basically been frozen, barely able to move or do anything at all. So just wondering if anyone has any suggestions or tips for what might keep this intense pain at bay enough to allow me to still function and not breakdown in front of him, until I’m somewhere else and can have the space and time to grieve properly. #NarcissisticPersonalityDisorder

#DissociativeEpisode
#dissociativedisorders

sat here wrapped up just staring. im empty, you win, you broke me.
I need to get up but I can't all I can do is move my thumb and scroll through fake life aka social media.
#Crisis

Sometimes I know not the difference
between a memory and
Construction paper folded expertly into the curvature of facade...
(The smile is a grimace)
The stars are just holes punched into the blindfold my subconscious likes me to wear when it thinks I don't know the difference...
Sometimes I know not the difference
Sometimes I just don't want to...

#Paranoia #Anxiety #DissociativeEpisode #dissociativedisorders #DepersonalizationDisorder

Last night I worked myself into a tizzy and was convinced I have DID and that scared me (everything scares me) because wouldn't I know? Do I actually have control over my identity? (What identity?) Do you know what it's like to have 0 identity and all questions. I hated my name so I changed it. I now hate this one so I'm going to have to change it again so soon. Everything changes minute to minute, sometimes I have to like...apply a different skin? Like in a video game? just to get through the boss scene... #DissociativeEpisode #DissociativeIdentityDisorder #PersonalityDisorders #Autism #PTSD #Depression #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder