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Bile salts diarrhea and the meds that bind

So years ago I was diagnosed with bile salts diarrhea and we tried medication. It stopped the problem but caused severe constipation. So we took me off the meds. Now fast forward to now, we found out that there are new meds for this condition. So we got me on colestipol.
I started taking it 6 days ago. I haven't had diarrhea for 5 days now! However, I haven't had a BM in 5 days at all either. It happened just like last time.
I've also been having horrible acid reflux and indigestion. I've thrown up twice in the last 5 days. I've been taking zofran for the nausea but it doesn't help much.
Today I took 2 scoops of polyethylene glycol to try to make things move along. I still feel awful but I'm hoping it works.
I messaged my doctor and told him what happened. I will probably hear from him tomorrow.
I would almost prefer the diarrhea to the constipation.
#Newmeds #CheckInWithMe

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First dose tonight

So i was planning to take the haldol at midnight but i decided against that. its 10pm here right now and i just took the pill. i'm equal parts hopeful and anxious about this. if it works, it'll mean i actually can get some sleep and function tomorrow, something thats just been a dream for months.

i'm on invega trinza and zoloft for my schizoaffective and depression issues and they work wonders. my doctor feels the haldol is right for me and i know he genuinely cares so i trust his judgement.

hes concerned that i've become a shut in. he always asks me if i'm getting out and being active... and i'm not. i only get out for doctor appointments. i have a service that picks up my laundry and i use instacart for groceries so i have little need to go out. my friends live too far to spend time with me. so my doctor is right to be concerned. i feel very cut off from the world these days.

i guess we'll see if i get better sleep tonight. i'm hoping i'm not sluggish tomorrow.



NAC Supplement

I started a new doctor perscribed supplement tonight. Would have taken it in the morning but due to sleeping all day, i took it once I woke up. Has anyone else tried NAC? It's supposed to help with impulse control especially in regards to picking my skin. Any bad or good side effects? #supplements #Newmeds #ExcoriationSkinPickingDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder

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New meds

I started new meds although for the better. It’s still a huge adjustment and can be hard to function some days. I am proud of myself for the stuff I did manage to get done. #Newmeds #keep going strong


New Medication Worries

Just wanted a safe place to share about starting new meds. I always get really nervous and anxious, and almost always have a panic attack. I’m starting a new one today and feeling very emotional about it. I’m exceptionally sensitive to medication, and thankfully my ARNP is very respectful of that and we always start at the absolute lowest dose, sometimes even opening a capsule and dumping half of it out. Only once have I had an allergic reaction which fortunately was not serious. Had I been on a full dose however, I would’ve been in the hospital. I’m always worried something bad will happen, but I know potential benefits outweigh any side effects, so it’s always worth it to try. I just get so scared. Anyone else? #worry #Anxiety #Newmeds


Fellow fibro fighters: Gabapentin, how do you like it?

I got a new primary doctor today and she was awesome. Listened to every concern I had, didn't brush off anything I said, and wrote great referrals for everything she couldn't take care of. She wrote me a script for gabapentin too. I have only been on one other medication for fibromyalgia and I had nothing but terrible side effects and went off of it. That was a year ago and I havent been on anything else. I'm hesitant and slightly hopefully though. But those of you on it, do you like it? Do you have any side effects? Google can only say so much in my opinion. I prefer actual experiences from real people. Please share yours with me!!! #Fibromyalgia #Gabapentin #Experiences #Newmeds #hopeful

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Starting new meds and a partial hospitalization program

All cards on the table, I’ve been dying to use that meme. But though I find it hilarious, my mental health hasn’t been this bad since 2007. I had a virtual visit with my psych today and we are changing my depression meds. I said I felt guilty for having to go to another program after all these years, and felt like I had failed. He reminded me that I have a medical illness and I didn’t do anything wrong. Plus, here are some recent stressors in my life:

*Just had a total hysterectomy. The mental health people at the ER psych ward kept saying how I had a “loss”, but I must be in strong denial because I’m not sad about losing my ability to get pregnant.
*On July 26th, it was the 20th anniversary of a classmates death. He was very kind to me through out our school years. He taught me it’s okay to need help sometimes and that I was worth someone’s time. He had a big impact on my life that I’m still trying to understand. And I’ve never fully grieved his death. I feel like I really need him right now.
*My ex-best friend, who ended our friendship because I was a burden to her (those are my therapist’s words after reading her text) is engaged to someone, and everyone knows it will be a big mistake. I won’t get into why, but losing her as a friend played into my trust and abandonment issues from childhood. Even my mom is heartbroken over it. She said, I should be there right now for her, but I’ll never again support a friend making a horrible decision. I’ve done that before and both best friends just got divorced.
*We found out my beloved dog, Wilson, only has a few months left to live. He just turned 11. The news was not surprising, and he’s still happy but just slowing down.

All those stressors combined with the fact that my meds are obviously no longer working makes sense that I’m where I am now. I have a tendency to forget these things. I keep a list in my phone of all my 12 diagnoses because it reminds me that there’s reasons I can’t work or do the things I want. I forget and let my pride and ambition get in the way. That probably won’t help everyone.

I hope my new med works. Well, we all feel that way.

The program is supposed to start Monday (virtually). It’s M-F 9am-3pm for 3 weeks. It’s going to be exhausting. But doing nothing about your problems or illnesses changes nothing. I’m not excited to be in group therapy again but I’ll be fine. It’s not my first barbeque.

There are other things that are bothering me, like the fact that my closest friend has barely checked in on me after my life changing surgery and psych ward visit. I didn’t even get a card. But she’s just finishing her own therapy program for OCD so, it’s understandable. But it still hurts for some reason since I was there for her and now I’m in need. #Depression #Anxiety #PTSD #MentalHealth #CheckInWithMe #Newmeds


Crawling Start

I didn’t do a whole lot today, but I manage to do enough that felt right for me. I’ve been drawing a lot recently. Some of it doesn’t turn out great, but out of the few things I’ve done I’m proud of. I wanted to do some stretching/light workouts today, I did feel better after the fact and thought I should do something to get my body moving and my mind distracted every so often when I need to. Did some cleaning as well. My new medication came today which I was happy about. I don’t know why, but I’m happy that I’ll be getting mentally evaluated in a month as well. I’m kind of on watch at home as well. After telling my mom about my ideations, she’s been checking in on me and I’ve been checking in with her. On the day that I opened up about it, she kept peeking in my room to see if I was alright (even when I slept). The negative thoughts never really went away even when I tried to focus on other things. I still feel like my presence holds no weight, I still feel like all the people I care about don’t need me around. I’m aware that these thoughts aren’t true, there are people that tell me that I’m important to them and that I’ve been helpful to them. On the other side of the coin, that side of “me” finds it hard to believe that I’m valued. I’m aware that my mind isn’t handling things the same way as a person who can navigate through situations be it internal or external. With this keen awareness of myself is scary sometimes. It’s scary that sometimes it feels like I’m looking at myself as if “I “ stepped outside my body and was looking at my life and the rest of the world. Along with me internalizing a lot of my emotions, inner turmoil, among other things, I feel like I’m to blame for a number of things. I feel like I’m either a burden to others or that I’m not enough. There’s a lot that goes through my mind on a regular basis, and lately it’s been an overload of stuff. #Depression #MentalHealth #MentalHealthAwareness #Thoughts #Outofbody #CheckInWithMe #Newmeds #NegativeThoughts #negativityisconsumingme #Feelinglikeaburden #Notenough #blamingself #Duality


New meds

I have been on a higher dose of my Levothyroxine for a few weeks now and am feeling a little more energy. It is great. I barely feel it but I do feel it! I have also been on topomax and have only had two headaches which for me is GREAT!!!! It is so good to see a tiny light at the end of the tunnel. Love it! #Newmeds
#Hypothyroid #Sarcoidosis #PolycysticOvarySyndrome #Energy

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Is it the new meds or the new pandemic lifestyle?

I've been really feeling like crap the last couple of weeks and it seems to be getting worse. The anxiety and depression are creeping up higher and higher into my daily life and my body aches are constant. I talked to my therapist and she said it might just be all of the extra stress from the state of things right now, but I was thinking it was my new medication. I always go straight to blaming the new meds so now I'm wondering if I'm wrong. But then I keep thinking if I assume it's just stress and it's really not then I'm putting up with all of these terrible feelings for nothing. I'm thinking about taking a break from the meds to see if I feel better but a part of me always feels guilty like I'm not trying hard enough. The circle keeps going around and around and I just feel paralyzed by it.
#Anxiety #Depression #Newmeds #pandemic2020