raw

Have y’all ever gone Thur your phone camera roll and you can tell which ones your were manic in and the ones you were deep in depression… too see the cycle go back and forth was wild too me … I’m kinda shocked how I never was in tune with it all …like I knew I got sad a lot but I have had a lot of trauma so I just thought this is normal and I just suppressed all my feelings with alcohol sooo now that I don’t drink(honestly I had a bad manic episode and drank for 5 days but 5 days out of 4 and half months is a win for me ) .. it’s a lot too take in and I got diganosed recently because for the last 2 months… I’ve been feeling like life isn’t real.. now I have learned I disassociated.. and my anxiety was so high , I felt like I was gonna faint 3-6 times a day and I felt pressure like someone was squeezing my brain 🧠 and really put me in a funk and thought no one was believing this battle I was fighting because you couldn’t see it and blood test came back all normal ..which made me feel even crazier .. I still have an appointment with a neurologist but every sense I was put on mood stabilizers seems like my body has evened out mostly … ! Which makes me wonder is all this actually caused from being bipolar ? It’s taken a toll on me the picture on the left (with only one filter 😂🙄) and the one on the right was 2 months ago when I guess I was going into a manic depressive episode … but when I went Thur my photos I saw a trend …. Happy, manic ,creative me and then random drunk, crying, depressing photos … why I took pictures of myself durning those times lol 🤷🏼‍♀️ 😂😂😂 but I’m sorta glad I did , because I see a pattern that needs to be broken and how eye opening … and too see at the same times, every year and what was happening in my life and my tiggers .. super eye opening that this girl has some MAJOR healing ❤️‍🩹 too do but hey …I’m glad I’m finally HERE and too know I’m not losing my mind .. well
Maybe alittle 😂 but I have a illness that needs some tending ! Today I feel
Like myself again …… has anyone had any of these symptoms and found out it was mental ? I’m still shocked 😳 but in the end… I just need answers! I want ME back cause she is pretty amazing when she’s able too be and I’m slowly getting there … Even in my lows… I always knew there was a high coming behind it …sooo knowing this gives me hope in further days and I’m glad I survived it because god knows there were many moments i wasn’t sure I would but with educating myself and reconnecting with who I am and why I am is sure better than wishing my mental illness away .. I’m face to face with it and It’s terrifying but I think I’m
Gonna win this battle and if I don’t I have you all! #BipolarDisorder #lowsandhighs #Anxiety #Depression #Hope #healinganywayican #SuicideSurvivor #justwow #wecantandwontgiveup #vunerable #raw #beforeandafter #mentalbreakdowns #neverknowwhatsomeoneisgoingthurbekind