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My #Daydream seems like a #nightmare

I have a #Daydream where I find the right #Job and lose my #unemployment and work 40 hours a week. It sounds like a #nightmare because a 40 hour work week is #scary for me. It takes away so much time from #Selfcare and #Recovery that it brings me to a point of #tears .

I began to do the whole #comparing myself to others and #Wondering why I could not be like another. I truly feel #helpless whenever I become #jobless

It is difficult for me to find a #Job that can work with a #Disability and not feel #stigmitized by my #employer secretly. I feel like I am this cat in the photo, in my own #World where everything around me is just blowing up. It is not that I do not #Care anymore, but it is that there is only so much I can do. I might as well take normal pictures along the way and try to be as #normal in my #Abnormal world possible.

Perhaps a "vocational" center will be #helpfull in finding a #Career rather than just a job... But I do not know how much #Stigma exists. I suppose I am just #afraid and at the same time #Brave for keeping applying and trying.

Wish me #luck !

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#scary #Depression #Anxiety

I've spent a lifetime of involvement in the Christian community, and though I believe in the "Christian values" I also know that I am not hetero, and that value system calls it sin. I have come out to friends, but to come out to my family terrifies me because of their judgemental attitudes. Suggestions?

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Thought Process

🌷 #happythoughts .

I have been feeling #good today. It feels weird to be naturally #happy in moments where you think that there could be something to take it away soon. However, I learned that I am not going to let that #Happen to me. I will not let anyone #StealMyJoy today. 🌞 I know that I am #Blessed even in the #darktimes .

Everything is going to be OK when the storm passes. It may feel #scary right now, but it will pass through. There may be an aftermath, but take heart that you will not be alone in this.

I Am Here For You.

#BipolarDisorder #AnxietyDisorder
#PanicAttacks
#PanicDisorder
#distortedthinking
#Depression
#strength
#movingforward
#workinghard
#DealingWithGrief

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Can't get control --- Restless But everything bores me.#Anxiety #Addiction #findselfcontrol #CerebralPalsy

Note : I have been a total shut in for 25 months , SINCE covid was announced--- DO NOT LIKE MASKES OR VACCINES!! #creepy #scary #notforme

So lately I've been feeling restless, HAVING VIOLENT FANTASIES!

I've been listening to mantras, Binaural , Isochronic tone vides on you tube TRYING to easy anxiety and aggression.

Trying to stop impulses to shop/ donate & pull out my hair still: I STOP A WHILE than pick it up again.

trying to motivate myself to stop smoking- RECENTLY went 43.0.0.5 days smoke-free. Then April 4th I started up again! put it down a few days between then and today.... Trying to cut out sugar---- so my roommate makes cake, jello, cheese cake for Easter. AND GETS ME AN Easter basket full of skittles, m&ms reese's carrots/2 reese's rabbits, mini candy bars. pixie stix and a six pack of cotton candy---That I now feel overwhelmed buy but obliged to eat!

I'm finding myself NOT WANTING TO HEAR/SEE TV. Not wanting to smoke. I get on and off the computer constantly trying to combat restlessness, irritability, habit cravings. WRITE IT OUT RELEASE! But this too is becoming something - SOMETHING of anxious addictive habit I should stop doing.. Bored of all I know how to do. Not really able to many physical chore activities with my CP.

What help you stay sane & motivated to change?

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Learning who I am

A few months ago I came out to my family as #nonbinary , meaning I used they/them pronouns instead of she/her. Essentially I was somewhere between a girl and a boy. But more recently I've learned that I am in fact not nonbinary, but a Demi-boy. This means that I use both They/Them pronouns along with He/Him pronouns. I also now use the alias Skyler, or Sky for short. After learning this about myself I spent about a week in a state of total panic to tell my family. I have always had a very accepting family...on my mom's side. The problem is my mom's boyfriend's side of the family. They're the kind of #homophobic people that don't realize they're homophobic. It's a (harmful) subconscious bias of cisgender people. I came out to my maternal family a couple of days ago and have gotten endless support and love from them! But I'm scared to tell the other side of the family. My mom is going to help me tell her boyfriend, but then he'll end up outing me to his mom and so on. It's just #scary . I might be #overreacting but I don't know.

#Depression #Anxiety #PTSD #Fear #LGBTQ #Advice #help #scared #Parents #teenager

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Anyone have Sarcoidosis in multiple areas? .

Mine is out of remission and hitting my lungs, skin and right eye. #Sarcoidosis ,#chronic pain,#new meds,#acthar gel injections,#scary

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#scary #Faith

It's strange how the things we believe as individuals seem to completely dispell our faith somehow in this bewildered place our faith is displaced. I don't believe in creation because our faith is not required. That's the scary part. In heaven maybe our faith will actually mean something to.

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Pet Love

My cat had a massive bladder obstruction and just spent 3 nights in the animal hospital. Despite it costing a ton of money, I am so happy he's okay and he's back home with me now. I didn't realize how much comfort he brings me until he wasn't there. I cried because of how worried I was. Pet love is a special love. It's hard to explain. All I know is he's my rock. He doesn't care if I don't get out of bed all day or if I haven't dusted the house in a month. He just wants to cuddle and eat. Pet love is an incredible love and I'm very lucky that my buddy is on the mend!
#Pets #Love #BPD #Depression #MentalHealth #scary #Cat

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The worst migraine of my life.

I woke up yesterday morning at around 5am. I was still lying ina very tight feral position on my right side with my head tucked in. I’d been in that position since I fell asleep 7-8 hours ago. As I ever so slowly started to move my incredibly stiff joints I felt a sudden sharp and intense pain go from the right side of the back of my skull through to the right side of my forehead. The more I moved the worse it became.

Just moving my eyes, blinking and slightly turning my head made it feel like my brain was melting. My scalp felt like it was far too tight to fit my skull and the back of my neck was so swollen and stiff.

Whilst trying my hardest not to move my head or my eyes very much I grabbed paracetamol, ibuprofen and Rizatriptan. I took each med with just a sip of water and immediately felt like I was going to projectile vomit. I added some Cyclizine to try and keep the nausea at bay. And then I slowly laid my head back on the pillow and waited. After about 20minutes the room stopped spinning, but it felt like my back of my head was being crushed and as sunlight started to stream through my window it only got worse.

I pulled the covers up over my eyes and waited some more. After two hours my head was still killing me and I was feeling sick again. So I took another Rizatriptan, per the instructions on the label. And I sucked on sugar free polos to help with the nausea.

After another 45minutes moving my eyes and head became just about bearable. I grabbed a can of Coke Zero that was near my bed and sipped on it so the caffeine in it could help lessen the pain, which works surprisingly quickly.

Finally, at 11:20am I noticed that the migraine was pretty much gone. It was a very scary and painful 6hours. Even today I’m still feeling incredibly nauseous. I’ve only been able to nibble at food and sip my drinks. That was definitely the worse migraine of my life.

#chronicillnesswarrior #POTS #EDS #BPD #NAFLD #InterstitialCystitis #Diabetes #Migraines #nausea #CRPS #painful #scary

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For a moment I thought I was going to slip into hypoglycaemic shock. Jeeeezus.

Well that was absolutely terrifying.

I didn’t have anything to eat for dinner because I’ve been feeling a bit sick all day. Like usual, I took my medications at 8pm(ish) which included my Metformin and Gliclazide.

I dozed off at 11pm(ish and woke up 45mins ago shaking so much it was like I was having a seizure. I kept nearly fainting - things would go dark for a few seconds then I’d wake up, then it would happen again. Eventually I finally managed to take my blood sugar. It was 3.6mmol!

I just about managed to grab the Dextro tablet/chew thing and had a few. After 20mins my blood sugar went to 4.0.0.3 and then I made a sandwich. I’m slowly starting to feel less jittery/nervous and I’m not shaking as bad now.

But DAMN. That was terrifying.

#chronicillnesswarrior #POTS #EDS #BPD #NAFLD #InterstitialCystitis #Diabetes #Hypoglycemia #lowbloodsugar #scary

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