SufferInSilence

I have trouble with sleeping for months now because the neighbor above is very noisy and walks in the flat without slippers in the morning, at night, at dawn... I am very sensitive to noises and this bothers me. However I avoid conflicts and I don’t go upstairs to talk to her.
Last night I tried to listen to white noise while sleeping and it worked!

My mind is all over the place. This is my first post and an attempt at trying to release some of these emotions that are overwhelming my whole inner self. Am I sad? Am I irritated or angry? Am I excited, or scared and paranoid? I don’t even know how to describe the pressure that I feel in my head and my chest. I feel like I’m going to explode one day. No one understands. “Calm down.”
“Stop being so dramatic.”
“Chill.”
“Why are you so negative?.”
“Just try and be positive.”
Ive tried reaching out to those closest around me. I can feel the depression taking over me again. I just want to sleep and escape reality forever. I want the world to stop for just a minute to just let me catch my breath please... I have borderline personality disorder. People probably think that I use that as an excuse to justify my actions. So I never tell anyone. I feel so much. I hate myself for being this way. What did I do to deserve this. I don’t even know who I am.
I SLEEP BECAUSE I’M DEPRESSED, I AM NOT DEPRESSED BECAUSE I SLEEP. - I want to shout that out to the world.
I just want to be heard. I suffer in silence because I’m tired of the judgments. A lot of us probably came upon this app because we are suffering in silence. We are misunderstood and isolated from a fu*ked up world. I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t want to take medication. I have no one to talk to. I’ve tried keeping busy and it helps, but as soon as I’m alone or I stop to breathe. I break. #Depression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #alone #SufferInSilence