I am at my breaking point.
I haven’t posted here in a while. I have been feeling really depressed lately. I’m almost 6 months sober from alcohol and drugs. Yet another attempt at sobriety. This is a battle I have fought my entire life and it’s one I feel I’m losing. The problem is when you take the drugs and alcohol away, I’m left with myself and this head of mine that won’t seem to shut up. I am overwhelmed with emotions and it’s been really challenging not having something to numb the emotional pain I feel on the daily. I have been thinking more and more about why I even exist. Like, what is the point for me to be here? I don’t have anything of value to offer anyone. I’m selfish because my mental illness makes it hard for me to see past my own problems. I shut everyone out of my life because I’m too anxious to talk to people. I’m single and I don’t see myself ever being in a meaningful relationship. People are attracted to me at first until they get to know me and then they leave. I can’t keep friendships. I suck at relationships. The American dream of a marriage and a family is seeming less and less attainable to me as time goes on. I have to take medication just to be okay. I just don’t see a point in living anymore. I’m so fucked up. I want to die and be at peace.