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Oh… #Photophobia

This past month my #Photophobia has been horrendous. It’s been so bad that I can’t even go outside most days even if it is cloudy because it is too bright for my eyes to handle. This leads to #Migrane I’m already #LegallyBlind / #functionallyblind / #VisuallyImpaired so… now I have too keep my eyes completely shut which just makes things harder. Thankful for my #MobilityAids This has lead to a #Depression episode and of course my #Anxiety has been troubling a bit too. Mainly my #Trich has gotten out of hand because of the anxiety. But, good things are coming as I did have a tint evaluation for specialized glasses for the #Photophobia now we just play the waiting game and hope I can somehow obtain enough money for the second specialized pair that I can use for daily tasks once I find out the cost!


Can't stop pulling my hair. Got scared when I saw a flashing light. I left a message for my eye doctor but the stress of what could be overflowed into self destruction.

I feel better after talking about it. Just gotta focus on today. Right now. That's all.

If it is an eye thing it could help the neurologist (when I see him) figure out what's going on. Because I have a lot of MS like symptoms. I don't want MS I just want to feel better, no matter what it takes.

No matter the answer I know it will work out. It's just getting the answer...that is the challenge.

Wish me luck.

#Trichotillomania #Trich #MultipleSclerosis #mslikesymptoms #Spoonie


My trichy situation

It all started when I was about 13 years old. I had experienced some anxiety and depression up to this point, but this where my mental health battle really showed it's face. As a young teenager I had long hair. You could say it was a bit of an early Justin Bieber look. I really loved having long hair. Like a lot. It was a big part of my identity at the time. That time lasted maybe 2 or 3 years.

When I hit 13, I started noticing that when I was nervous I would pick at the back of my hair and on top. I felt some sort of relief but didn't know why. It became increasingly more pleasurable and I began to do it more. At this point I became more and more conscious of the fact that my hair was showing signs of my illness. It felt so embarrassing, and I felt like a freak. There have been people who make comments here and there. Not knowing the disease even existed. They made them jokingly, but any time someone would call out a bald spot, I felt like the world was crashing in on me and staring at me. My identity and body image was being stolen from me, and I was the one causing it. I even managed to hide it from my family and parents for a long time with hats. That was really my only way to cope and cover my illness that was killing my already less than optimal self worth.

I can still remember the day my mother found out what was going on with me. I felt like she was going to send me to a mental hospital for life. Instead, we started treating it with Paxil through my primary doctor. That worked for a while, but by age 15 I started seeing my first counselor. I was afraid and very uneasy about the whole process. I remember bits and pieces of those meetings, but I don't think I was ready or able to really express how I felt and get it taken care of. I felt like an alien and not in control of my own body. I still feel that way sometimes.

As the trich got worse, so did the depression and anxiety to go along with it. I started using substances to cover up my self hatred and anxiety. That never goes well. I think all of the anxiety and commotion I was creating also made the trich worse than before. After 4 years and 2 overdoses, I landed myself in rehab and a sober living house for 1 year. That's when I really started to understand myself more. Understanding that I have a disease and there is nothing inherently wrong with my morals or thinking in general. I was not a monster, nor was I an alien. I started taking mental health and my disease seriously, and doing the things I know I can to feel better. I cut my hair down very short, to try and limit the amount of damage I can do to my visible hair, and I use things like fidget spinners and such to distract my hands when I can. I am still not anywhere near where I want to be with my trich, but I understand it a lot more now than I ever have. I am 28 years old now, and my hair is still almost bald to prevent more holes, but I am still standing strong. I don't let my trich cause me to not do things or be seen anymore. It's not worth the anxiety and depression. I want everyone out there dealing with this, especially kids, to know they are not alone, and this disease can get better. You are not alien. You are a human being with a disease you are fighting. The difference is most diseases people have to fight inside, or the disease is more understood. Together we can stand up and fight the stigma and educate. My goal is that I would like to blog here about my trich journey and hear all of you talk and give coping options as well. #MentalHealth #OCD #Trich

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Thankful For Small Victories

The longer I take the NAC supplement & CBD oil pills, the less of an urge I get to want to pull. I'm still working on getting my skin picking under control but as for my trich, this has been an okay last few weeks. Little progress is definitely better than no progress.



What I'm Doing To Help Heal Myself

Aside from going to therapy, I've decided to incorporate a few other methods to help my recovery & healing from trich. I've looked up more information on trich & other OC disorders & came across some information on how vitamin deficiencies impact these types of mental health issues. BTW-I am NOT a healthcare professional, so please do your own research &/or speak to your health care provider, if you have one, before trying anything anyone else suggests to you.

Here are the hair/mental calmness items I'm using:

NAC 750mg: N-acetyl cysteine Silymarin 150 mg: Milk thistle extract with tumeric CBD Hemp Extract, gel cap form, 300 mg Sugarbear Hair Vitamins, 2 gummies per day Vitamin A 2,400 mg Fish Oil 1,000 mg

From my research, I feel comfortable saying that both of my conditions, skin picking & trich, can be greatly reduced if I can reduce my anxiety level & focus on correcting vitamin deficiencies caused by years of stress & repeated trauma.

Right now, I just get 10,000 steps a day, so I'm going to start adding strength & core training back in since working out helps me remain calm.

I drink plenty of water, so I'm good there but lately my eating habits have been atrocious so I'm getting myself back into eating more fresh fruits & vegetables & limiting highly processed foods.

Books I've gotten off Amazon but haven't read all the way yet:

Trichotillomania Disorder Cure: How To Overcome Hair Pulling For Life by Susan Shaw Treating Trichotillomania: Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy for Hairpulling & Related Problems by Martin E. Franklin & David F. Tolin

I know these methods will not work overnight. I also know I can't live another 40yrs like this, so I'm going to fight like hell to reverse as much damage as I can so that I can finally live my life. Hope sharing this proves helpful to others as well.



My Dehumanizing Journey With Trich

My trichotillomania journey began right before I turned 16 after a childhood riddled with abuse. Virtually all the hair on my scalp was gone & I had to wear wigs to school. Not only was I rejected, I was physically assaulted by a group of boys who thought it would be hilarious to rip my wig off of me in front of everyone at a sporting event. My wig did not come off but just by typing this the hair on the back of my neck is standing up & I can almost feel the tense tug of a hand reaching out & grabbing at the back of my head. You wanna know what’s worse than the attack itself? The fact that a large group of students knew it was coming & as I walked away from the game among a crowd, slowly, one by one, they began to step away from me like some twisted mean girls version of the parting of the red sea. After the attack, I went to my choir teaching crying so hysterically she could barely even make out what I was saying. Once she got me to calm down & explained what happened in humiliating detail, she took me to the office to call my parents. They came up to the school, the boys who attacked me were called into the office, & guess what? Nothing much was done. They each got suspended for a day. More lemon juice & salt right in that wound. So now, for the remainder of my years at that school I was forced to walk among people who could & would try various ways to humiliate me because they knew they could get away with it & others who were all too happy to watch.

And my parents? Oh boy, that’s the worst part of all. My father was just embarrassed by his daughter wearing wigs at such a young age & my mother loved every second of it. A part of her genuinely hated me & when I lost my hair, she was overjoyed. You see, I didn’t really have a ‘mother’ in the traditional sense. I had more of an evil step-sister who just happened to give birth to me. She enjoyed hurting me & at the age of 5, when I came forward to tell her I was being sexually assaulted by a family member, she came to the defense of the assailant. I never have gotten over that. She was also deeply insecure & jealous, especially of other women. I was a beautiful teenage girl & whenever we went somewhere & boys or men would look at me, she would seethe with anger & take it out on me when I got home. She used my wearing wigs as a way to show me just how hideous she thought I was. She would tell me things like I better not gain any weight because no one would ever want me then. This is when my eating disorders amplified as well. I starved myself, worked out to the point of exhaustion, took dangerous dieting pills that I ordered in secret & hid in my room…I was bulimic for a short period as well. All that dangerous & dehumanizing behavior because she had me so convinced that my worth could only be found through someone else. This notion of hers damn near killed me several times later in life.




Today was the first day I showed my therapist and my family what I looked like without drawn on eyebrows. #free #Trich #Trichotillomania



I am desperately searching for ideas on best head wraps for trichotillomania. I Dont need my hair put up, I just need the sides and top of my head covered preferably to my hair line and back. Also looking for inexpensive prices
#Trichotillomania #Trich


This condition sucks.

Does anyone else hate trichotillomania?? I do. I wish it was never a thing, I wish I didn’t have it, I wish I could stop. #Trich #Trichotillomania

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Has anyone tried risperidone (risperidal) for trich and/or other stimming-type soothing behaviours (picking, etc.)? I'm very nervous.
#Trich #Trichotillomania #OCD #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder

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