Trichotillomania

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    I’m a narcissist magnet

    Now that I am setting more boundaries I am very disappointed, in myself, with the large amount of narcissistic people I have in my life. I used to get depressed thinking I had no value unless I am being used. Now I am mad because I know now I was abused. I got so messed up in my head growing up as a kid and all my trauma has carried over into adulthood. I decided to advocate for myself to receive proper treatment plans, medication, and nutrition. I did not want to live the rest of my life anxious and depressed and after much trial and error, I finally found a doctor who I felt safe speaking through my trauma. What has been so upsetting to me is the people in my life, family and friends, are really voicing negative opinions about my new found clarity. Saying no has been the hardest thing for me to say to people I love, but when my life got really hard I sat in my room and cried by myself. I never once called out for help to my “friends and family “. The mean and hurtful words that I have heard at first made me regret wanting to help myself. To finally get myself to the point where I could make the correct decision to seek help 1 triggering word could cause me to doubt my strength. I raised myself. I go to work even when I can barely get out of bed. I made sure I got my high school diploma. I bought my own cars, clothes and housing since I was 16. I’m mostly proud of is I didn’t make someone feel bad because I know how that feels. Sorry for venting on here but I don’t want to talk to anyone because all they are doing is taking notes on what not to do where others have failed. Now that I have got that off my mind I hopefully can get to sleep. Thank you for reading. #Anxiety #Trichotillomania #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #AspergersSyndrome #ChildhoodTraumaSurvivors

    25 reactions 9 comments
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    Fighting Against Agoraphobia

    It never occurred to me that I would be diagnosed with Agoraphobia. I had been in a workforce program with the state concerning my disability and my ability to work while dealing with it. I saw a psychologist in order to test my mental acuity, my intelligence, and my ability to comprehend issues and problems pertaining to any field of work.

    While they were testing me, I already knew some of the things to come. I definitely knew we would go over my schizoaffective disorder, anxiety, and depressive issues. I wasn’t fully aware of the intelligence testing but looking back it makes sense.

    I was tested on a lot of different subjects, and talked to about my disorders, and just issues in general in my life, and how I went about solving these issues. I had previously never had this kind of testing done on me before.

    Given this was 6 years ago, I don’t remember how long it took for the results to come back. They were hand typed by the psychologist herself, and everything about me was analyzed to the nth degree. When the results did come back, I wasn’t surprised that my schizoaffective disorder, along with my anxiety, depression, and trichotillomania was recorded as issues. Though, seeing Agoraphobia on the list was extremely new. Something I had never been diagnosed with and it never ran across my mind in the slightest. It all was making sense when I looked back across my times dealing with people and dealing with public spaces.

    Agoraphobia is a fear of large crowds and open spaces. People thing it’s the fear of leaving your house, but that’s more of a side effect of those previously said issues. While I do to this day leave my house, I don’t do it often, and only when I need to. Yes, it’s a big issue for me.

    In order for me to feel the need to leave my house, it needs to feel important. Something I have to do, am made to do, or is a responsibility that can’t be overseen. I have a child, too, and I will absolutely leave the house for him. This isn’t his problem to deal with, it’s mine, and I don’t want to subject him to my fears and anxieties.

    I have the help of my parents and husband when need be. Though, there is no real trick to trying to build up that confidence to leave my house. I just have to do it. Some days I just can’t, and I give myself that space to be able to not leave and stay home as needed, but I will always have a backup plan or help, too. Nothing is ever left to the wayside and to just not be fruitful. Sometimes, I order my groceries, and sometimes I’ll have help going to a store. I like to try to have someone with me at all times. It seems worse with the schizoaffective, because it can sometimes turn into paranoia and delusions if I’m having a particularly stressful day.

    I remember going to the state fair and walking into the food court where all these people were eating, and the walls started to close in on me. I started to hyperventilate, and I felt like I was going to faint. I stepped out of the food court and to the side of the building where there was little to no pedestrian traffic. I was able to ground myself and come back from the anxiety. I wanted to leave, though. I realized after that, which wasn’t initially long after I had been diagnosed, that I truly was Agoraphobic. It was heart-breaking to me, and it still is. My wants and goals don’t match up with what I deal with and it’s always hard to reconcile. I continue to push myself beyond my limits. I always have. I continually test myself, because I can’t help but feel I’m worth more than these disorders I deal with.

    1 reaction
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    I'm new here!

    Hi, my name is khadija33. I'm here because

    #MightyTogether #OCD #Trichotillomania

    3 reactions 2 comments
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    New here! #shamefulsecret

    I am so happy to find i am not alone with my secret. I pull my hair out! I started picking in my early 40s,nail biter as a child! It started when the grey hairs started coming in and im obsessed with picking the dry course hairs,that look like an accordion and most grey hairs are course wiry,I like to feel it in my fingers. I picked my head bald and blamed it on meth and stress use. After a year of being bald and wearing wigs and hoping people just thought I had cancer in my head wraps,i would have rather them thought this than no the truth,that I pulled my hair out😔 I stopped using meth and let my hair grow back but the picking has never stopped! I keep tweezers in bathroom were I get lost picking and not realize how long I been there til I see my sink and counter full of hair. I carry tweezers in my car cause when that sunlight hits my hair its pickomania time! Its so stressful and i don't know how to stop! Some days are more controllable than others and the new hair that grows in is a complete different color than my own and I start picking them. I have learned that when my scalp itches I can always find a white hair that has grown in sideways. I find it satisfying to pick and learning that when i feel stress or anxiety it really triggers my picking....Sorry for the long story any advice out there?
    #Trichotillomania

    4 comments
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    who's pulling who?

    Had a thought while working out in the gym yesterday. I have trichotillomania and started pulling at age 11. I stopped at age 15. Long story. But was thinking, it wasn't that I was pulling my hair, it was that my hair was pulling me. My hair was the bully. I told the bully, "I'm not gonna fight you, I'm going to ignore you." I managed too, and know what? He want away....

    Post

    Can't stop pulling my hair. Got scared when I saw a flashing light. I left a message for my eye doctor but the stress of what could be overflowed into self destruction.

    I feel better after talking about it. Just gotta focus on today. Right now. That's all.

    If it is an eye thing it could help the neurologist (when I see him) figure out what's going on. Because I have a lot of MS like symptoms. I don't want MS I just want to feel better, no matter what it takes.

    No matter the answer I know it will work out. It's just getting the answer...that is the challenge.

    Wish me luck.

    #Trichotillomania #Trich #MultipleSclerosis #mslikesymptoms #Spoonie

    3 comments
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    I need to be strong

    My story is long to tell but in a nutshell I have had anxiety and depression pretty much all my life. Trichotillomania set in during 7th grade and I battle it on and off still. I married a man with PTSD (from the VietNam War and bad abuse as a child). My dad was an alcoholic but he worked every day. We said maybe 6 sentences to each other during his whole life. Mom was a nice christian women doing the best she could. I never once got a hug.
    So I am a classic people pleaser but I'm finally waking up to alot of things my husband does that I thought was PTSD but I'm sure he's BPD too. He's a very mean 74 year old man. FOR THE PAST 3 YRS I'VE BEEN LIVING IN A CAMPING TRAILER WITH NO RUNNING WATER . We do stay in campgrounds and RV parks so we have shower facilities. But this is Not Normal. Have I lost every bit of self esteem I ever had? We "live" in the northeast in the summer and Florida in the winter, and winter is coming and I don't want to go to Florida with him again. The past 3 winters down there have been hell. We have traveled 8 out of the last 10 years and I'm just dog tired. Suicidal at times. Help me be strong and stand my ground. He will coerce, cajole, call me a traitor, say any wife would be happy for the chance ... He will try to make me feel guilty, but he will never go alone. He's afraid to be alone. 40 yrs of this, no wonder I'm tired. Thanks for listening.

    6 comments
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    I'm new here!

    Hi, my name is MikeyMo. I'm here because my psychiatrist thinks I might have body-focused repetitive behavior (BFRB), and it seems to fit this compulsive self-massage tic that's contributing to my depression. I couldn't find an option for that so I put trichotillomania, which is another type of BFRB.

    #MightyTogether #Depression #ADHD #Trichotillomania

    2 comments