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When You’re Ready

Dear You,

Some people don’t leave a bad situation when it’s time. They can get hurt in many ways. Loved ones don’t seem to understand why it can be so hard and friends often walk away.
Here’s why:
The trauma of abuse isn’t just happening to you. The residual damage is reaching beyond you and hurting those who love you. They find it hard to keep looking into your black eyes, they find it impossible to keep hearing your mangled heart. It’s too much to watch someone hate you and watch you not love you like they do. Finally, when they find you in a hospital, your neck is broken or your spine is twisted, the reality of death being so near is horrifying and they can no longer wait for the call; to come to your funeral. Even worse, be the one to find you among shattered glass windows and blood stained walls, broken belongings, hair ripped out, and children hiding in closets; the one to find you dead.
It’s not that they don’t support you. It’s that as long as your choices won’t hurt you or someone else, they WILL support you. As long as your choices are detrimental and/or life threatening to you and others, they cannot stay around and give you the impression, by their continued presence in your situation, that they are okay with it. They have to walk away, get upset with you, be harsh toward you. It’s the only way for both them and you to survive.

Someone once said, “you will leave when you are ready” get ready. The first time is the time to be ready. The support you are looking for is in the moment you show, not just say or keep repeating that you need it; show it and leave. Your people will leave that bad situation with you.
Don’t look back. Don’t rethink the choice to have a better quality of life.
Do rethink what a good situation looks like. Become familiar with the sounds and visuals of a good situation. Then, hold out for it. It is okay to be alone. It is not okay to be with someone, lonely, and invisible beyond an outlet of destruction.

Make your lists of what is okay and what is not okay. One for you. One for your children. Once for your family. One for your friends. One for your pets. One for your coworkers. One for your neighbors. One for your doctor. One for your heart of the community; law enforcement.
What is your reputation? A victim of a circumstance, or a person, mother, son, daughter, neighbor, coworker, friend of life and character.
Make a new reputation for yourself; are you going to be part of the problem or part of the solution? You are not a problem but staying is being part of a problem.

Make a list of resources. When people offer resources, give them a real shot. You’ve asked for help so show appreciation for the help and try what’s been offered.

The key most important things you can do are to leave, not go back, and reconnect with your own thinking and Your support network. Not one your aggressor has provided.

~ Love Always,
Experienced Me

#DomesticViolence #DomesticAbuseSurvivor #DomesticAbuse #victim #victim #DomesticAbuseSurvivors #lonelytogether #Whenisenough #Whendoileave

1 comment

When is enough-enough?

After 30+ years of marriage, more than twenty being diagnosed and disabled, I feel that our marriage has flatlined.
All of my relatives are long died. We are out of state from his side of the family.
He drinks a lot. Promises he will stop because I don’t feel safe. Then starts up again when unexpected.
Lately, he has started drinking in excess, embarrassing in front of strangers.
I just don’t know if he wants to be alone, but won’t quit?
#Disabledandalone #Whendoileave