Today is another day. It's one of those days, It's a day where I haven't showered in at least 24hrs and I don't feel up to washing thr dishes in my sink that are slowly piling up. It's a day where feeding my cat is a tough task and all the garbage seems to pile up way too quickly. It's a day where the floor feels and looks dirty but even the thought of vacuuming is exhuasting. I live in a 1 bedroom townhouse on a street that is absolutely beautiful, all my neighbours are lovely and I have an army of friends and support, It's just after christmas and just before New Year but these days where I am not sure of who I am and where I am going. I do have some purpose ands plans to inact, I have a list a mile long of things I need to do but my body aches and screams at me and my mind seems too hazy for a clear thought to break through. Today is a day, like any other day to everyone else but i have to remind myself that no matter what I do or don't do that it's ok, I know that if I tried to do anything and get overwhlemed that thats just the way it is. But it doesn't quell the anger and frustration that bubbles deep inside me, that this body, this young body is now disabled and will never be the body I once used so carelessly.
You know the holidays are going to be rough when you're sitting on the toilet thinking about Thanksgiving and the #Anxiety attacks with the vision of families gathered together while you're sitting home alone bc you have absolutely no.one. and 😢 It almost makes life unbearable.
Don’t you just love it when someone says “Whatever” when they cut you off from a conversation? No one likes a “Kvetch” and can’t be bothered when you start talking about your #ChronicPain and #InvisibleIllness , but to be so judgmental and rude just adds to my #AnxietyDisorder and #Depression ! I’m not even given the opportunity to respond because suddenly the phone goes dead! How do you handle someone who is so snide and sarcastic? In my household there are two ##Disabledandalone adults trying to deal with their own issues, so who can I depend on if not for myself? My then 59 year old husband suffered a #Stroke and it’s been 3 years and he still won’t walk and I’m in #ChronicPain all the time but whenever his aide doesn’t show up, then I become his #Caregiverstress , which is WAY TOO MUCH for me to handle, any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!
After 30+ years of marriage, more than twenty being diagnosed and disabled, I feel that our marriage has flatlined.
All of my relatives are long died. We are out of state from his side of the family.
He drinks a lot. Promises he will stop because I don’t feel safe. Then starts up again when unexpected.
Lately, he has started drinking in excess, embarrassing in front of strangers.
I just don’t know if he wants to be alone, but won’t quit?