domestic violence

I found this on Facebook.
(Written by TheSelf)

For years, I thought the problem was that I wasn’t explaining myself well enough.

So I explained more.

I chose my words more carefully. I softened my tone. I replayed conversations in my head before I had them. I apologised for intentions I never had. I took responsibility for reactions I didn’t create.

Because every time I said something that made you uncomfortable, you told me what I “actually” meant.

You weren’t hurt because of what I said.
You were hurt because of what you decided I meant.
And somehow, that became my responsibility.

If I disagreed, you argued.
If I defended myself, you called me defensive.
If I stayed calm, you said I was cold.
If I cried, I was too emotional.

There was no version of the conversation where I was allowed to own my own words.

You owned them.
You translated them.
You rewrote them.
Then you reacted to your own version, while expecting me to apologise for it.

When I didn’t, the punishment came.

The silence.
The slammed doors.
The sighs.
The eye rolls.
The dishes thrown around the kitchen.

The tension that swallowed the whole house.

And eventually, I learnt the lesson you were teaching me.

Don’t trust yourself.

Trust my interpretation of you.

That’s what hurts the most when I look back.
Not that you misunderstood me.
That you taught me to misunderstand myself.

Now something has changed.
I hear you tell me what I “really mean,” and I don’t automatically believe you anymore.
I notice how quickly you replace my words with your own version.
I notice how every conversation has to end with your interpretation winning.
I notice how your reactions are no longer unpredictable to me.
They’re patterned.

Almost rehearsed.

The accusation.
The offence.
The withdrawal.
The silent treatment.
Then, later…
You start talking again as though nothing happened.

No apology.
No accountability.
No repair.
Just the unspoken expectation that I will step back into the relationship as though I hadn’t just spent paying for something I never actually said.

I used to think that cycle meant I had done something wrong.
Now I see it for what it is.

You weren’t listening to understand me.
You were listening for something you could use to make me responsible for your emotions.
And the day I stopped believing your version of me…
was the day your version stopped controlling me.

#emotionallyimmature #emotionalmanipulation #gaslighting #deflection #EmotionalAbuse #familytrauma #childhoodtrauma #CPTSD #complextrauma #boundaries #selftrust #traumahealing #psychology #healingjourney #theself

How to use your voice when you rose up "being too much"?

As a child I used my voice loud, trying to set boundaries. All I got was being told to silence or disappear - until I got "easy to handle" again.

Yesterday I had a group experience in self defence. Using my voice, shouting "Stay away!!" felt empowering.

The time to use your voice is now.

​I created another song. This one is about my father.... ....and finding my voice...

The Mirror and the Noise
​[Style: Alternative Rock/Folk, steady building rhythm, heavy cello, powerful and clear female vocals]
​[Intro]
[A low, rhythmic pulse. The sound of a heavy door opening.]
​[Verse 1]
I learned to read the shadows on the wall
Before I even learned to stand up tall
I watched the storm clouds gather in your eyes
The shaking hands you hid behind the lies
You felt so small, you had to make me less
To find some comfort in your own distress.
​[Chorus]
[Drums kick in, steady and grounding]
That wasn't my thunder, it was just your fear
A hollow sound that I was forced to hear
You shouted at the child to hide the man
Who couldn't face the life that he began
I am the mirror you couldn't bear to see
But your insecurity doesn't belong to me.
​[Verse 2]
The weight you dropped, the anger you let fly
Were just the things you couldn't justify
You used your voice like a heavy stone
Because you’re terrified to stand alone
But I’ve grown up, and I can see the play
I’m putting all your heavy stones away.
​[Bridge]
[Music swells, becoming defiant and bright]
You tried to drown my music with your noise
To treat my spirit like one of your toys
But I’m not small, and I am not afraid
To break the silence that your shouting made.
​[Guitar Solo - Strong, melodic, and soaring]
​[Chorus]
That wasn't my thunder, it was just your fear
A hollow sound that I was forced to hear
You shouted at the child to hide the man
Who couldn't face the life that he began
I am the mirror you couldn't bear to see
But your insecurity doesn't belong to me.
​[Outro]
[Vocals are solo, strong and resonant]
The shouting ends here.
My voice is mine now.
I am safe.
I am free.
[End]

Why the hands that once wrapped around my waist, ended up around my neck

And why?

If everything apparently happens for a reason

What was the reason for the the person whom I love, would do that to me?

Is it possible to love someone, yet want to hurt them so badly?

“Think of how an accusation like that would ruin his life think about the choice you are making”.
But the choice was never mine.

And why
Why is it, that I love this person?
With all of my heart

The same heart he once tried to stop from beating.

When not with hands, with words and venom.

Spiting vitriol as easily as taking your next breath.

So unworthy and unlovable, the slurs engraved in my mind.

And you never admit it, to doing any of it

You didn’t just hurt me, or lied to me, or called me names.

You didn’t just inflict physical harm on me

You broke a really deep part of me inside

A part I have only now just started to get back.

#KeepTalkingMH #MentalHealth #Anxiety #PostTraumaticStressDisorder #MightyPoets #Trauma #DomesticViolence #Abuse

Hi, my name is Smurfie07. I am a 17 year old girl. I'm here because I live with an abusive dad who hurts my mom and me. My mom loves him, defends him, gives excuses for him and doesn't even want to talk about it or the option of leaving him. It hurts me deeply to live in such a household. I have not been able to tell anyone about this, neither do I know whom to trust and talk about this situation. I want to leave but I do not know how. I wish to find people with similar stories here. I would know that I am not alone and there is hope for me to get out of this.

#MightyTogether #Migraine #Anxiety #Grief #Depression #Abuse #DomesticViolence

So tried of this life. I see no future. I feel like my mother. She was exceptionally weak. Drank herself a new reality. Perhaps I am just as weak.

I'm a single mother of 3.2 of my kids have severe #Autism . I met a guy, the ONLY man who was not afraid to actually be in a relationship with me. in the 10 years I've been divorced, he was the first entertain a serious relationship with someone who has 2 kidsv with severe needs. That's REALITY. Believe me, I have been out there, available, open minded and hopeful that I deserved and would find my person.

Today, he was in court Violation of probation. He was on probation because I tried to be understanding when he strangled me repeatedly one night. I kept him out of prison. Since that night, he has destroyed my property, attempted to rape me on a few occasions, murdered my sexual health (by way of lifelong STDS) physically assaulted me in ways I will never fully heal, destroyed my emotional well being. He got 90 days in jail. In May, he will forget I existed, forget my children existed and be free to infect another woman. I'll never recover. He'll never care.

Wow! I just found out a person can be denied housing, if they've ever been on a psychiatric hold for a suicide attempt. What if the main reason for the attempt was because of lack of housing?!!

I wonder if they deny applicants who have any other life-threatening illness, like cancer or hereditary chronic pancreatitis.

#homelessness #DomesticViolence #Suicide #Stigma