#PTSD it doesn’t define who I am!
Last week I was listening to a podcast interviewing Dr. Edith Eger. Edith is a psychologist, author and survivor of the Holocaust. She works with those healing from trauma and loss, and she has a unique personal perspective on what healing looks like. In the interview she said the following:
"I am not a victim. I was victimized."
I sat with this for a while. Identifying as a victim has never bothered me, but I know it is a hard thing to accept for a lot of us. Flipping the script — so to speak — shifts the focus away from us and onto the perpetrators.
I am not a victim. I'm not somehow at fault, didn't deserve it, am not broken.
I was victimized. Someone else did something horrible to me and they are the ones to blame.
In a way it allows us to remove what happened to us and to place it on those who hurt us.
How does this make you feel? Do you like the concept? Does it help to reframe things? Share your thoughts below.
So my two children. Son age 21, Daughter28 have both in the past- Told ppl I beat them/ which never happened once, accused me of other abuses, when in fact they spent years Gaslighting me & Verbally @ Emotionally abusing me. Their father died 8 yrs ago/ & it seems they converted their Grief to Rage against me.
I have gone to therapy & so have they. Recently I took another hiatus from my daughter for a couple months, because she was back to telling lies and emotionally abusing me.
Today for the first time in two months I spent time with her and my son face-to-face, at the lake. I was completely amazed at how much anger I have towards her. It was difficult for me to listen to her talk about how one of her friends accused her of things that she never did, and told other people that she did things she never did, and how unfairly she was treated- when in fact that was exactly what she's done to me for years. It triggered me big time! I was afraid of what might come out of my mouth, if I spoke about the parallels in the moment, so I just nodded and sympathized a little and then change the subject.
I'm at home now, and I am still so angry, and I don't know how to deal with the situation, because she refuses to acknowledge any wrongdoings that she's ever done ever to me.
Her recent absence from my Life has enabled me to not be on constant guard all the time. So Today- it was really difficult to shine those comments on. Plus- Its difficult not to wonder if what she said was True at all- or just a deliberate (successful) attempt at triggering me.
I want to wring her neck! & I- at this moment- really dont care if I dont see her for six more months.
Nothing good ever comes of our get together's..
The way in which we self identify as someone who has experienced trauma can greatly affect how we perceive ourselves and how we interact with others. It can also influence the success or lack thereof of any treatment we seek for our C-PTSD. For example, many who have been abused balk at the idea of being called a victim. However, for some it helps shift the shame and self blame to where it belongs, solely with the perpetrator of the abuse.
I have had different phases along my healing journey. For a while I hated the word victim because it felt weak. But then at some point the word helped me feel liberated from my abuser. Now, six plus years into therapy, I prefer the word survivor because I have survived not just what happened to me, but the hard work of healing from it.
How do you prefer to self identify and why?
I have had a few counselling sessions with one of the counselor from my depression/anxiety group in the past few weeks since the terrible time I had with my official therapist. Yesterday, I shared with her a bit about my (not so good) relationship with my parents and how I saw it leading into the abusive relationship I had with my narcissistic ex. She commented that it sounded as if I had a bit of a victim mentality and it might be helpful to shift the narrative to seeing how strong and resourceful I was instead. Granted, her comments were based only on this short conversation and she doesn't know about many, many details.
I am feeling confused and conflicted about this because she was obviously hearing something in my explanation of these events and feelings that led her to make that comment. I thought that I had actually left that victim mentality behind years ago and that I was more stuck in self-blame these days. I thought that I was aware of and recognizing my strengths and able to be proud of getting out of that relationship and setting up some good boundaries with my parents.
I just keep going around and around in my head wondering if I am actually still viewing myself as a victim. Have I been hiding it from myself all this time? Is it actually a really big deal and I can't break through to healing because I can't even acknowledge that that mentality is there?
Because of past emotional and mental abuse, I think that I do have some tendency to be easily swayed to accepting other people's opinions, so I don't know what to do with this. How do you know when it is healthy to dismiss an insight or piece of advice from a counselor/therapist versus accept it and work with it? I don't want to get sucked into a negative spiral over this, but I also don't want to miss out on something that might be important for healing.
Thank you in advance for your help and support.
Can someone help me understand why I can't kick this victim mentality? I don't understand what it belongs too. I should have no reason in this point of my life to feel like a victim. Is this really unhealed past trauma? It is like I am always on the hunt for being a victim or how to victimize myself in whats going on in my life now. Where I am stuck, is I want to be positive, but this victim crap creeps in. Please help me
#ADHD #OCD #Trauma #victim
So today I realized I've been putting off a painting activity due to my work, which I've also been procrastinating on. I would like to keep painting for my sanity and self care but i keep on putting it off.
I used to do a lot of painting back in college even when I did not have much technique and proper materials. I never really realized why I stopped. Maybe it's because I never really felt appreciated or no one really tried to support me or even recognized my skills. But eventually I did decide to stop and work on more 'important' aspects in my life such as a stable career in science.
So that's about it. It is I who decided to stop. But somehow I don't want to blame myself for that decision, I have a strange tendency to blame other people. And this also works in many other aspects of my life. I always tend to blame others and feel like I am a victim of their actions and decisions. I know there must be something wrong but I just can't point it out. Can you please #CheckInWithMe ?
Do you know someone who you think might be playing a #victim? Who is possibly a #narcissist? I met my “abuser” when we were both 13. She was and has been one of my best friends for the past 10 years. We are both very similar. We grew up in similar households and we struggle with similar things, like #Anxiety, #Depression, #PTSD & #BPD . It is so hard to let her go because I truly do love her so much; she can be a wonderful & loving human. But then there is this other side to her, that I’m truly terrified of & has scarred me worse than I thought. I read articles on #NarcissisticPersonalityDisorder behavior & people who believe they are the victim, and it explains her so well. Sure, we all have some of those traits but it’s shocking and almost reassuring to know “I’m not crazy, this is how she treats me.” It sucks on so many levels but most of all because I can’t talk to her about it. I want to be real with her & have tried before but she always turns things onto me & makes me believe I’m the “bad guy”. I miss her so much, she recently called me fake for inviting her to a NYE party & I tried to ask for an explanation & haven’t heard from her since. She can be such a great friend but also so awful. Does anyone else relate to this?