Triggered by my neighbors #DomesticAbuseSurvivor #CPTSD
I am a lifelong abuse survivor. A year and a half ago I decided I needed physical distance from my current abuser and locations of previous abuse situations. I got rid of 9 truckloads of my stuff and packed up what fit in my car, kissed my dog goodbye and gave my ex a hug and drove away to a state I had never been for more than a week and knew 2 people. It was rough. Hardest thing I have done. Fast forward. I found a place to live after over 3 months of crashing at a friend’s and here I am. On my own. Alone. Oh crap I have to actually be with myself. I found an amazing therapist and have really been trying to find a self worth and esteem. Well, I live in a basement apartment on a property with 3 homes. Both my upstairs neighbors and the other couple on the property are in abusive relationships. Today I was not feeling well and was at home when the neighbors began fighting and yelling in front of my door and windows and I was trapped in my own home and of course my phone strangely stopped working and I had no way to call anyone or receive calls. Triggered doesn’t describe it. I experienced the most severe ptsd response I’ve ever had. I was in fight or flight or both. I couldn’t call for help, or even leave safely. I feel really angry that even though it’s not currently happening to me, it is still affecting me and my life in a way that is very much impactful and not okay. I’m on disability and don’t have the resources to live somewhere else. My demons of abuse have found me.