There’s a couple things that make things more challenging than what they have to be due in part to my anxiety. I’ve had them brought to my attention once again and it’s such a hard habit to break and correct, no matter how many times I’ve tried.
One is what my husband likes to call a “conversation loop” where I’ll bring something up and it’ll be talked about for however long, eventually leading back to the original question/statement. I don’t realize I’ve done it until about the second (sometimes third) time around. I know it’s annoying as hell and especially annoys me when it’s brought up. Why do I do this?
I also have a tendency to just zone in on any given word or phrase during a conversation and starts the overthinking during those “conversation loops”. Which again, annoys me just as much as it does everyone else who has to deal with me.
The other major thing that really gets to me too is that I have a hard time letting something go and accepting things for what they are. I’m the kind of person who craves understanding and wants to know how and why people and things are the way they are and do what they do. I constantly question in hopes that I can figure it out, like a puzzle or a brain teaser. Take it apart and put it back together. When I can’t and don’t understand something, it bothers me. Where others just accept and behave the way they do, I’m asking “Why”.
Maybe it’s because I myself don’t behave, think, and speak like most and within a certain mindset or belief, so naturally I want to understand why. And I know it only results in more frustration for me, yet I still put myself through it. Tirelessly asking questions with no answers that satisfy the curiosity. So I keep asking, thus continuing the vicious cycle. Politics and the act of trying to figure out who someone is in general are examples and triggers for me, as stupid as it sounds. If I can’t and don’t understand something or someone, it makes it harder for me to accept. And I wish I understood that too.
Cognitively, I know none of this is that complicated. It is what it is and nothing more to it. Yet because of the anxiety, it makes it that much harder. I wish I could just stop overthinking everything, accept things people and things they way they are, and just be a normal person that goes about their day not even thinking about things the way I do and go about my day, having somewhat normal conversations.
#Anxiety #overthinking #Whyamilikethis