ashamed

I'm scared that the symptoms of PTSD I'm experiencing is me over-exaggerating everything and if I go see someone about this they'll brush me off and tell me that I'm being silly over nothing. Has anyone else felt like this too? Embarrassed and ashamed that maybe someone else could have gone through this and come out completely fine but I came out a total mess? #Anxiety #PTSD #ashamed #Embarrassed

I was just browsing on LinkedIn since I am still theoretically job searching (even youh I haven't applied to a job in 6 months). A few connections were suggested to me and I realized that my reason for not connecting with them on the app is because I am ashamed of where I'm at in life.

I was a top student in high school and my undergraduate studies. I did struggle with depression, but poured myself into my studies and really enjoyed learning and research. It became clear within a few years that the profession I had a degree for wasn't the best fit for me, but my skills were transferrable and I found other (less stable or well-paying) jobs. After a few years, I did a one-year graduate diploma (essentially half a master's degree), and despite recent onset ptsd from a relationship with a narcissist I still managed to excel.

Following that, I worked and volunteered in Asia for a few years before starting a master's degree as an international student in Europe. I had always loved studying and this is what I'd been working toward for a few years. However, everything quickly unraveled to leave me where I'm at today.

I'm working part time in a job that doesn't even require a degree. I have not been able to complete my master's degree. I am isolating from loved ones and from the possibility of building any new relationships. I'm living in a region I don't like (partly because of connection to my trauma), but feel stuck here. I don't have either insurance or enough income to afford consistent therapy.

And then I see my past colleagues on LinkedIn. I read about their job and education updates and it makes me want to run and hide. How can I have gone from being so successful to where I am now? Or was I never successful at all and it was just an illusion? What can the future hold for me?

I recently posted about a possible promotion at work and I think it actually increases these feelings of shame since this was never a job I even wanted in the first place and it just reminds me every day of how far I have fallen. Taking the promotion feels like accepting that this shame is here to stay - it doesn't matter if I'm successful in the position or not because just the position itself makes me feel ashamed (it's a perfectly good job, but this is just my personal internal struggle).

#ashamed #Shame #Work #Education #Lifestory #Depression #Anxiety #Trauma #MentalHealth #Relationships

I realize that I’m addicted to a certain sin and I want to get away from it and I truly want to live for God again I don’t want to keep misbehaving I have confessed to the Lord that I’m addicted to physical intimacy and feel like I can’t live without it no that’s not the only reason why I want to be remarried but God allows it for procreation and pleasure I would not have to sin like this with watching pornography if would bring me my Godly wife now lol I love him very much but I’m definitely sexually precousesh I can’t help it it is who I am I feel as if I’m truly screwed here beyond his help and love I walked away from him and preceded to do whatever I wanted because he wouldn’t give me my wife back so I said screw you but I don’t feel like that anymore I wish I had never walked away from him so I could feel confident in my salvation

At 30 I'm still ashamed of scars (scars from being 12 year old, self harming on and off over the years). I'm forever wearing long sleeved tops, jumpers, hoodies, cardigans. Yet I see a lot of people are okay with their scars infront of friends, family and in public. But me.... Nobody sees my scars. It'd be nice to wear a vest top and shorts during heat instead of melting but I can't 😔

I have a friend, recently we passed a moment together and he told me that if he hadn't been with his girlfriend he would have tried something with me, and shortly after he said "What am I doing here ?"
I know it was more a comment for him than for me but it hit me like a bomb ! I never ask him to come, he wanted it ... When he left, I cried for hours and I don't even know why ... Maybe I overreacted or it is just because of my depression ? I don't know but I'm ashamed ...

Here’s the thing: when you have #multiplechronicilllness and you try to follow #Drorders in order to stay #Healthy it can be #Overwhelming causing you to #Relapse and do whatever you want to. And when you realize what has happened, you feel #ashamed of yourself but the truth is it’s ok that it happened because it’s hard for us all to #stayhealthy and when you have #multiplechronicillnesses it just becomes harder. So you pick yourself up and tell yourself that tomorrow is a new day. And that even though this has happened, you put it behind you and move on. Because everyone has #Setbacks and #TheMighty is there for us all. And even though I am not doing what the sleep doctor and neurologist told me to do, tomorrow is a fresh start.

I not only struggle with my depression, but am ashamed that I am depressed. I have a good job. I have a good wife. My two grown kids are amazing. I have decent health. So... why are there nights I pray will be my last? Why are there mornings I'm angry that I wake up? It doesn't matter what I do, my depression sucks all the joy out of what should be a very pleasant life. The embarrassment of being depressed in the midst of what I'm sure looks like a great life constantly keeps me from talking about it.

Am I the only one like this? #Depression #ashamed