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Questioning My Decision #MentalHealth #Depression #SuicidalThoughts

During Covid, something happened that made me think about legitimately ending my life. I came close a number of times, and have been closer than ever recently. I just kept deciding to keep holding on, but in place, I've ended up destroying my life more. Now I wonder if it was worth holding on, just to give into all my demons and self-destruct. I wonder if it would've been better to end my life then before I threw myself into the dirt.

At the curtain's call

It's the last of all

When the lights fade out, all the sinners crawl

So they dug your grave

And the masquerade

Will come calling out at the mess you've made

-Imagine Dragons

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I have constant sickness problems and want to connect with someone with a chronic illness to see if I'm having a similar experience (new user).

#ChronicFatigue #Anxiety #ChronicIllness Sorry if I tagged this wrong I don't know what I'm doing.

Hi, I don't know anyone with a chronic illness irl so my friend recommended a forum which is why I'm here. Like I said above I'm wondering if anyone has had a similar experience as me. I am planning on going to a doctor but I've had bad experiences with doctors before so I want to talk to people who have actually felt the symptoms.

Here's what has been going on:

I'm 16 and get sick at least once a week. My most common symptoms are a sore throat (usually mild) and severe lethargy. Sometimes the lethargy takes days to wear off. I think this has been happening for about three years with progressively worse frequency but I have a horrible memory and lifelong insomnia (been getting a lot more sleep in the last two years which is why I've noticed the lethargy) problems so I don't think I could really pinpoint when the lethargy started.

I know it could be my tonsils and I'm getting x-rays for that soon but I've always had weirdly slow dental growth and I'm kinda skeptical of that being the reason. The only other thing of heard of with similar symptoms is long covid but I've never had a positive covid test.

I HAVE had confirmed psychosomatic stuff in the past. Last year I had horrible stomach pain caused by anxiety messing with my stomach acid. I also have a minor breathing disorder that's basically just my severe anxiety making it hard/slightly painful to breathe whenever I'm anxious and not just during panic attacks.

I don't think this is entirely psychosomatic however because I've had a red/raw throat for at least a year and a half and it's never really fully healed in that time. My friend's theory is that I am actually sick, my anxiety is just making it worse because of how much school I'm missing.

Has anyone experienced anything similar? Again I am going to go to a doctor but I live in an area with famously shady ones and I want to talk to someone with fatigue problems to see if I'm having a similar experience.

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Finding the Right Fit, From Inclusion and Beyond: A New Day Program for Jessica after 20 Years.

This is our daughter Jessica's story and the narrative for many adults who require assistance with all daily living skills and have a severe intellectual disability.

Finding the Right Fit

It's bewildering how we lose the dedicated funding and energy invested in including individuals like Jess in public schools once they reach age 21. Typically, opportunities for Jess and her peers in adulthood confine them to self-contained classrooms, with most activities being exclusionary. Finding the right fit after an inclusive public school education is difficult.  

When our daughter, Jessica, was born in 1982, we didn't know she had a diagnosis. She was our teeny first baby. Jess came home from the hospital weighing less than five pounds, yet she was born near her due date. We called her Peanut at the time. We discovered, much later, that Jess had a rare chromosome deletion and was delayed in all her milestones. Our daughter, age 41, cannot care for herself, uses a wheelchair, is non-verbal, and has a severe intellectual disability. Jessica is also the brightest, most joyful star in the room. 

Early Education

 Jessica's early education encompassed numerous schools and classrooms. Federal Early Intervention for Infants and Toddlers was not enacted until 1986. It was still 1982, and we enrolled Jessica in a local infant stimulation program for babies with developmental delays. She transitioned to a special education classroom in a center for children with special needs at age three, and at age five, she went to a school district Board of Cooperative Education (BOCES) program. The program was over 30 minutes from our home, and Jess remained in that program, which moved from district to district until she was twelve.  

Meanwhile, I worked with our local education district, Committee on Special Education (CSE), to include Jessica in our neighborhood middle school. Like the line from the old TV show, "Cheers," we wanted everyone to know her name.   At Jessica's CSE meetings, we planned intensely for her return to the district and entry into middle school. The school prepared to welcome its first student in a wheelchair.

Success

One of the first times I knew this was a success was when I took Jessica to our local food market. Some of her peers were in the store, and instead of getting the "who is that in the wheelchair" glare, we received a warm greeting. The kids approached Jess, called her by name, and said she attends my school. This gesture brought tears to my eyes.  

High school was quickly approaching, and in our and the district's opinion, Jess needed another change as she prepared for graduation and adulthood. Full inclusion in high school would not have the same benefits as in the lower grades. We believed Jess would not get the same opportunities for friendship and socialization in a secondary school math or science classroom.   

Once again, Jess returned to BOCES, but this time, the setting was in our neighborhood school. Her teacher, Leslie (Les), set up a reverse inclusion program whereby interested high school students entered Jessica's classroom and assisted. Jess joined the chorus during high school and participated in other typical activities. She still hums the music scales learned in high school chorus over 20 years ago.

Prom Date!

Jessica's next transition was to an adult day program. At her adult program, we hoped that Jess would feel useful, have friends, laugh, hum familiar tunes, and continue to maintain the goals she achieved in high school and strive to reach new heights.   Adulting in Jessica's world is far different than in public schools. The regulations are less rigorous than in public schools, the staffing requirements are inconsistent, inclusion is non-existent, and the hope for daily experiences in the community has yet to come to fruition.  

WHAT WAS ALL THAT INCLUSION FOR  

Many of Jessica's peers, who have more life skills, are in supportive employment and other inclusive community adventures. Yet, individuals who require more daily assistance often get stuck in exclusionary settings.    Jessica's original adult day program started differently. They explored the community, took field trips, and left the building. We connected with many staff and developed relationships.

A lot changed after Covid, and Jess was out of the program for nearly three years. A few months ago, I visited Jessica in her current classroom, saw the lack of interaction and activity, and knew it was time for a change.

The system is broken. New staff often enthusiastically start their positions, hoping to make a difference in somebody's life. Yet, the red tape and restrictions usually knock them down. This profession requires a significant level of responsibility, yet the wages provided are not commensurate. 

Adult programs require a culture of creativity, respect, collaboration, and encouragement. Our daughter, Jessica, loves meeting new friends, cherishes music, and enjoys outings. A way to incorporate more community activities into a daily program should exist.  

Jess has been in the same day-habilitation program since graduation in 2003. After##@ 20 years, we have decided to transition to a new program.  

We HOPE for the future.#RareDisease #Parenting #Transition #SpecialEducators #SpecialNeeds #dayhab #dayprogram #Disability #IDD #Hope #FamilyAndFriends @amanda-buck @amanda-hvass @amanda-snyder @breecoffey @cherieehlert

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Reaching out, then regret, recovery - any ideas?

Last month around my birthday I got a little excited/manic and reached out to a lot of friends. Had a plan for a birthday party, but it all fell through due to COVID and then taking time off from work for a partial hospitalization program.

Now I've got approx 30-40 messages/posts to reply to from friends and family.

They keep building up and at this point its overwhelming to reply to them all.

Does anyone else experience this? When feeling good I reach out to friends, then when something happens/falls through - I isolate and then don't reply, creating my own anxiety.

Anyone have any tips on how I could make a post to address this without revealing my mental health stuff?

I wish I could reply to each person, but it's too much.

So this post, something like "Thanks for all the messages, I've been out for health issues, etc, still want to chat". IDK how to phrase it well. #Bipolar1 #Mania #SocialAnxiety #Depression

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Dealing with Long Covid

I’ve had Long Covid for over 3 years, while I’ve experienced progress since my condition worsened in 2021, I continue to relapse and experience worsening symptoms off and on. Unfortunately, I’m currently experiencing another one, it’s severe and my mental health has taken a nose dive. I often wonder how long I can deal with this, it’s become all encompassing.

I stumbled across this app on a site listing support groups for chronic illness, and I thought this may be a good place to find others and occasionally vent. #longcovid #Anxiety #Depression #PTSD

Picture: Hibiscus in my backyard

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Okay, so I feel more able to summarize now

My father-in-law, who lived with us, passed away late last Sept. after our whole household got COVID. Later that fall, we found out that my father had Parkinson’s and cancer.
~
My dad chose to not get treatment and has been eating less and less over the last 6 months. He’s now in hospice care and probably won’t make it much longer. He’s also refusing to see me and my brothers, which is a very confusing thing to be dealing with.
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The other things/situations that are going on are harder for me to explain, so I think I’ll wait on those.
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I think I’m sharing all this to find some support. I’m just not sure the best way for me to handle everything I’m currently going through. Thank you for listening.

#artastherapy

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I’m new here!

Hi, my name is ErivJr. I'm here because I have Long Covid, and have been ill for over 3 years.

#MightyTogether

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I'm new here!

Hi, my name is Dukesmb. I'm here because since Covid & lockdown when I experienced much anxiety I’ve lost my confidence, changed completely from the outgoing person I was & struggle to get anything done, even going for a short walk when sun is shining. Don’t value or appreciate life anymore. It’s tough. I know I’m not the only one

#MightyTogether #Anxiety #Depression

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