abusiveparents

( Hello, I’ll not be addressing the people who brought me into this world as the m and f word because it pains me to call them that, not everyone with children deserve that title.)

When I was younger I always tried to justify what my they did to me. I told myself “ parents aren’t supposed to hurt their children the problem must be me I’m unworthy of love ”. I would make to do lists every day , not your normal to do list but a list made solely for the purpose of pleasing them because if I tried hard enough if I tried my best they would certainly start seeing that I’m a good daughter and start loving me back. The list included all the house chores , babysitting my younger brother, and avoiding certain activities like reading books, watching tv , listening to music… because it was a trigger for them why would I read a book or listen to music if I could be helping them instead . The list never worked the dishes weren’t done in the right way, I missed mopping a spot , something was always wrong . I was never enough I was still verbally abused I was called all sorts of degrading names and in severe cases there was physical abuse. She always disliked me for as long as I remember I don’t know when or why it started exactly but she would give hints like I was a burden ever since I was born because her mother in law aka my grandmother always made snarky comments about how much I cried as a baby and this to her was an insult. Was I supposed to not cry as a baby? Or I was ungrateful in second grade primary school because when I was bullied for the shoes she bought me I refused to wear them the second day. He was emotionally unavailable just like a robot controlled by her, she would fuel him by telling him we don’t respect him we will beat him up when we grow up if he doesn’t start controlling us from the ages of 5&7. This would trigger him and he would start beating us like a mad man so intensely that he would gasp for more air to give him energy for the next blow. She watched with satisfaction from a corner once we started begging she would step in like a hero and stop him, advising us not to repeat whatever we had done. Their beatings always came with threats like “ ill break your arms/legs so you’ll be handicapped for the rest of your life ” or “ I’ll disfigure your face so bad that you won’t be able to go out in public again ” . They also locked us up in a small bathroom and with the lights turned off. I remember in these situations the only thing that came to my mind was what a terrible human being I must be to deserve this, none of my friends or cousins get this treatment they deserve to be happy but me no I deserve to be sad. As an adult now I understand it wasn’t my fault I was just 7 I didn’t deserve it but it still hurts me as if the wound hasn’t healed yet. I want to talk about all the things they’ve done to us from the very beginning even if no one sees this I want to vent I want to heal. I’m still living with them ( where I’m from you can’t move out until you’re married ) I’ve gained 60-70% control of my life back but I’m still in a burning house I still get burns I’m still suffocating it affects my daily life it affects my relationships. At the age of 12 I was blessed with another brother he was born with special needs. He is currently my biggest worry all I think about day and night is when I get married ( I’m engaged ) how can I leave him in their hands. They abuse him everyday. The abuse doesn’t only affect him but it affects me I start shaking my heart starts beating fast it is like dejavu my heart breaks for him. I’ve tried talking with them telling them what they’re doing is wrong they need to accept him for who he is but it is like I’m talking to a wall. Their excuse is they’re stressed and that’s all they can do they’re being the best parents in the world for him. There is no child support where I live and I can’t just take my brothers and leave . I’ll use this platform to vent and rearrange me thoughts and plan a better future for us. The photo is from my old diary #abusiveparents #Childhoodtrauma #Depression #Anxiety

I Don't understand what Fun does my mother get to rant about Me to literally everyone. I am Being everyday given A statement that I'll kick you out. She treats me like hell. And she always tries to burn My novels and all. I don't know what have I done. She Curses me everyday. Not emotionally available anytime. Whenever I try to talk about a bit of mental health she is like you give me those Problems. Your the worst kid anyone could ever have. Sometimes she does try to physically abuse me. And if am trying to protect myself she'll gonna start calling everyone saying am being disrespectful. I don't have any siblings or friends to cry on. She says your a psycho a disgrace a shame. My life would have been better without you and your dad. You are all bastar*s.

Am so sorry for venting so much. I literally didn't know how to write but that's what I feel now.
Any sort of suggestions and comments will be welcomed .
#Depression #Anxiety #abusiveparents #needhelp .

I don't understand what fun do people get by playing with trust. I told about my mental health issues to my teacher and she promised to keep it to herself but after few days she leaked it to my mother. And now she dosent answer my calls texts. I feel so miserable. Its hard to trust anyone. And my mum always curses me for the same.
#Depression #Anxiety #abusiveparents