Join the Conversation on
315 people
0 stories
7 posts
Explore Our Newsletters
What's New in

3 months sober..

What really sucjs right now is im coming into Thai milestone, this huge miksetones of being 3 months sober at the end of this month... A few months ago my life was empty I had no hope and I didn't want to be alive each day has its challenges but I finally got the nerve to go to a NA meeting... I want a symbol of my sobriety I want to celebrate my sobriety.... And Covid 19 took that from me .
It's not not the biggest deal I take it a day at a time and I celebrate small battles I have with myself. This token was just a symbol to me of the progress I made right now it's just really Internalized and Im really disappointed



so i am addicted to #Selfharm

this year i want to break this habit. but i don't even know who i am outside of this. i remember the person i was before this, and they feel so far from me. i don't know how I'm going to do this. i already self harmed so much these past 2 days, 2020 is not off to a great start.

I'm about to leave work soon and it'll be a struggle not to self harm when I'm alone at home. if anyone has tips please share. i am scared of myself and the person I've become.

#MentalHealth #Depression #AddictionRecovery #addictionsupport


10 year trigger

A normal day can turn into a battle when you’re a recovering addict - even after 10 years without using.

Today was a rainy day, around the same temperature it was when I first started using over 10 years ago. I get in my car to go to university when Poker Face comes on: my go-to song for a sniff of cocaine.

Then it hit me, that feeling; that intense craving seemingly impossible to fight triggered by something so simple as a song and a temperature.

My mind stops focusing on anything but the memories and euphoria of the past. It plays tricks on me. It convinces me that nothing bad ever happened because of me using, that I would still be able to function, that I could do it one more time or perhaps occasionally and still be okay.

The longing leads to brainstorming. I think to myself: maybe someone in this building knows where I can get some. Maybe if I sit here long enough, someone will come along and just know this is what I want. Maybe I can go to Cocaine Anonymous and get some from someone there who is as weak as I am. It would be so easy.

These thought last all day, through 5 hours of class. I can’t pay attention because I’m craving. I’m only thinking of one thing. I can’t smile because I don’t have what I think I need. I don’t crack my normal corny jokes because I don’t care. I suffer from physical cravings too: sweaty palms, rapid heart beat, nausea from the anxiety and pseudo-thrill of seeking the next high.

So after class ends, I sit outside trying to grapple with my thoughts, trying to defeat my own mind and conquer the cravings.

I go for a walk, yearning for someone to talk to who knows what I’m going through. But nobody knows. I know I’m on my own to make the decision to not use today.

I know I can drive a few blocks away to find it, use it, and feel better.

But I know the high lasts 20 minutes then I’m right back down where I started, and the demon gets harder to fight each time.

I get the courage to get in the car. To my own surprise, I don’t drive where I would have 10 years ago. I drive home, where I know I should. And now I wait it out to see how many days this craving lasts before I forget again how much I miss cocaine.

Today almost turned into another day one. But it didn’t. For today at least, I conquered the enemy... the enemy inside myself. #Cocaine #CocaineDependence #Addiction #AddictionRecovery #addictionsupport #Recovery

See full photo

My rehab check in was 3 weeks ago...

I have an opportunity to go to a 90 day program so I can obviously get the help I need and so I can get custody of my daughter back. Well I never showed up on my check in date. I made excuses and justified why I couldn’t go that day and it would be no big deal to just go the next week. Wellll.... my grandmother became very sick and hospice was at my grandparents home along with about 20 of my family members. I stayed at my gramas house and right by her side everyday before she died on the morning of Aug 1st right after I listened to my new favorite song with her that I knew she would love too. I also promised her that I would go to rehab and get my life together so my daughter and myself could live the life she would be proud of. Here it is almost 3 weeks later and I am still not checked in. I know I am the most selfish, addicted, careless, hypocrite that I never thought this low was possible for me. My daughter is my whole life. She saved me from continuing my heroin addiction and possibly overdosing. Her dad is the reason CPS got involved and I was clean for 3.5 yrs then relapsed 3 days before she was removed from my care. I know what I need to do but I keep numbing all the feelings and emotions that flood me from time to time. Please help me. Tough love. Your experience. Anything. If I lose my babygirl I know I won’t be here on earth for much longer. Thank you XoXo
#Addiction #Parentingwithanaddiction #Rehab #addictionsupport #AddictionRecovery #HeroinAddiction #Methaddiction ##benzodiazepineaddiction


Has anyone ever done a withdrawal from the addictions of sex/ love/ attention/ people etc It is the removal of the thing/ person that creates dopamine

Completely flat no dopamine, serotonin or oxytocin flooding my brain. I have an addiction to these chemicals and without them it’s all a little dark, flat and lifeless. But like any addiction you just need more and more.
Supportive words please. #Dopaminepoor #Seratoninempty #Addiction #AddictionRecovery #addictionsupport

1 comment

Feeling ashamed wish the thoughts would stop #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #addictionsupport

I want to scream and cry I want to punch someone but mostly lay in the sand with the sun hugging me back. So #alone


Newbie looking for an outlet/support

I’m just joining this site after having read many stories posted through The Mighty on my Facebook feed. I am the parent of a 19 year old who has Bipolar 2 and who is an addict. I’m looking forward to having an outlet to write as well as support through reading what others have to say. ##bipolarsupport ##addictionsupport

1 comment