heroin addiction

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    #Addiction #Addict #HeroinAddiction #deppression #MentalHealth

    Hi I'm new here I suffer with mental health and have addiction issues I'm not a mixer of people so trying to build up some sort of support through thos app as I have herd ppl rave about it

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    Overdose

    My ex-wife's brother died last night of a heroin overdose. I don't have a lot of feelings about him either way, but I'm very much concerned about the impact this is going to have on my daughter, who lives mostly with her mom and her grandma (who is dieing of pancreatic cancer, and this is her son)... #HeroinAddiction #Overdosing #drugabuse #Awareness

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    To my Drug Addicted Mum -

    Growing up the hardest thing for me was accepting that I wasn’t enough, I wasn’t enough to make you want to win the battle of addiction.

    I wasn’t enough for you to choose me and that’s something that will hurt me forever. Now that I’m grown I’ve come to understand that Drugs are like a chaotic vortex that sucks in the vulnerable and the helpless and unfortunately mum that person was you.

    You allowed yourself to become captive in its grasp and allowed it to consume you and subsequently ruined many lives in the process.

    Being the child of an addict bares its own consequences, the emotional turmoil I’ve faced from the lies and deception from you mum should be enough to make me hate you forever but you are my creator, for that I am thankful and I can’t take that away from you.

    I am your daughter, your little girl and yet you can lie so easily to my face, time after time you betray me and crush the last remaining bits of trust I have left and then expect me to be waiting for you with open arms.

    Mum I’m lost. I try to remind myself that these are the actions of an ill and addicted mind but ultimately YOU chose this path. No one forced a pipe into your mouth and that’s something I struggle to get my head around. If your 3 heartbroken children isn’t enough to make you stop then what will? At this rate it will be death.

    Mum why wasn’t I enough? :(
    #Addiction #Addict #childofanaddict #MentalHealth #BPD #betrayed #Drugs #help #alone #drugaddiction #HeroinAddiction

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    Would the anger stage that happens when you're grieving the loss of a loved one still be occurring 5+ years after their death?

    My first husband who I was with for 17yrs (married 10 of those years) died in 2015 (I actually had to take him off life support). After his death I found out a lot of secrets he'd been hiding and his secret #HeroinAddiction is what actually causes his organ failure amongst other things. I felt so angry when I learned his secret and will never get proper closure. I've had intense therapy from this plus I have #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder and still continue to struggle and properly grieve. Could I still be in the "anger stage" of the greiving process even though it's been over 5 years since his death.

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    My rehab check in was 3 weeks ago...


    I have an opportunity to go to a 90 day program so I can obviously get the help I need and so I can get custody of my daughter back. Well I never showed up on my check in date. I made excuses and justified why I couldn’t go that day and it would be no big deal to just go the next week. Wellll.... my grandmother became very sick and hospice was at my grandparents home along with about 20 of my family members. I stayed at my gramas house and right by her side everyday before she died on the morning of Aug 1st right after I listened to my new favorite song with her that I knew she would love too. I also promised her that I would go to rehab and get my life together so my daughter and myself could live the life she would be proud of. Here it is almost 3 weeks later and I am still not checked in. I know I am the most selfish, addicted, careless, hypocrite that I never thought this low was possible for me. My daughter is my whole life. She saved me from continuing my heroin addiction and possibly overdosing. Her dad is the reason CPS got involved and I was clean for 3.5 yrs then relapsed 3 days before she was removed from my care. I know what I need to do but I keep numbing all the feelings and emotions that flood me from time to time. Please help me. Tough love. Your experience. Anything. If I lose my babygirl I know I won’t be here on earth for much longer. Thank you XoXo
    #Addiction #Parentingwithanaddiction #Rehab #addictionsupport #AddictionRecovery #HeroinAddiction #Methaddiction ##benzodiazepineaddiction

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    Prelude To My Story.

    I am now 25 years old. I rarely leave my room. In fact, I can barely get up out of my bed. I have been like this for about 10 years now. Since birth, my entire life has been a series of traumatic events. The only way I can deal with any of this is with heroin. People always say there is a rock bottom. Not for me. I learned when I was 19, there is no such thing as rock bottom, because when you think things cannot possibly get worse, for me they do. Everytime I think there is nothing that can traumatize me more than I already have been, something I never even thought of happening, happens. Most recently, I got necrotizing fasciitis in both of my legs from injecting. I was too scared to go to the doctors, so it got worse and worse until I was rushed to the hospital, and my legs were almost amputated. Luckily, my doctors saved them, but they are extremely deformed now. The perfect cherry on top of my hell.

    Before that?

    Dealing with my legs has been a cake walk. I spent 5 months in the hospital, I was off of heroin for the first time in 10 years, not by choice. And the pain medication they had me on,though a high dose, was not enough. So my every 3 day wound vaccuum changes were so excruciating, they would take 5 hours to take it off. Anyways, before my legs, I had an abortion I didn’t want when I was 22. And that was somehow worse than my second rape at the age of 19, which wasn’t as bad as the first time I was raped, the day my life ended, at the age of 16. Before the age of 16, I grew up in a constantly physically and mentally abusive household. Now these are just the main points of my life, I say that because I don’t know how to not make this post into a book. So I’m sorry if it’s too much for one post, I don’t know how this works.

    I don’t really feel like explaining the terrible person that my father is, because I’m still under his hold, though not physically anymore, but the worst things he did are so complex, I don’t want to get into them at this moment, because that will need it’s own post. The only story I really want to fully tell in my first post, is that of my first rape, and how it effected me.

    By the time I was 16, I had been smoking cigarettes for 5 years, smoking weed for about 2-3, and was becoming mildly addicted to hydrocodone. I was cutting myself at the age of 10, and had severe sleep issues around the same age, still do. Now at this point in my life, I obviously still had the will to live. I kept thinking I would be strong enough to pull myself out of my hell and rise out of the ashes. And maybe if New Year’s Eve never happened that year, I could have. But that was the day two men stole my soul and my sanity....

    I will finish the story in another post, since this one only has a few characters left! #PTSD #Trauma #rapevictim #Addiction #dysfunctional #dissassociativedisorder #DepersonalizationDisorder #CPTSD #HeroinAddiction #MentalIllness #MeToo

    I’m not sure the best hashtags to use to get my story out there.

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