Hi, my name is apanna. I've been diagnosed with
#MightyTogether #EatingDisorder #Anxiety #Depression #BipolarDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Migraine #esop #varicositas #Agorapobia #Gastroparesis #PTSD #liverchirrosis #PanicDisorder #AcuteStressDisorder #LiverFailure #Chronic Gastritis #Asthma #Cholecystitis
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Many years ago, I began to build a #Poetry website as a way to deal with #Trauma. I called it "Songs from the Dark Side of the Moon - A Survivor's Journal." My poems were about being a survivor of #ChildSexualAbuse and #DomesticViolence It was my dream to create a book of my poems one day and share those for free in DV shelters. I envisioned these poems as part of a journal with a big section at the back with blank pages for #Journaling. I spent some time in a DV shelter with my son. Once we were safe, years later, I began giving back with volunteer work.
It's still my dream to publish these poems, but it's very hard to speak out about this. I took my old site down. I told myself it was because it was outdated. Every page had midi's, and on almost every page were graphics of Tori Amos and words from her songs. She was one of my muses in early days. She still is.
Instead I published another poetry collection, one about love. I tried to focus on the light. I lived for service, to help others, but I was living above a volcano. I began to experience #PanicAttacks which, after many years developed into #Agorapobia . Now I had a new series of poetry, "Steel Bars Made of Smoke." Last summer, I started reading Eckhart Tolle's "The Power of Now" and, for the first time, something clicked. My mom got sick and needed my help. To stay with her, I had to drive over a large suspension bridge to her state. Bridges frequently feature in my nightmares. The night before the journey, I had three of the worst #PanicAttacks of my life. Tolle's words, "Move through it. It will not kill you" played over and over in my mind. I got to the middle of the bridge and something shifted inside. I felt like I got my old brain back. After 16 years in this mind prison, I was free. I haven't had a panic attack since. So this is my first post here. I'm glad I found this community. For some reason, I can't make any more paragraphs, so I'm guessing there's a word limit. I'll learn my way around. Well met. ♥.
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