ChildSexualAbuse

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The mighty secretly removed sexual abuse story

It wasn’t that it said only the mighty team could see it. It was literally just vanished. Without a trace. It was not detailed. I’m very confused. And also pretty pissed off. And really sick of this. I would appreciate it if the mighty staff would explain this sleazy removal. Because it’s flat out wrong. I thought the mighty was a place we could be honest about our problems and our lives. But that looks to be load of crap. And as someone with CPTSD I’m really getting sick of my life getting censored by the mighty and I don’t think I can do it anymore. I’d rather go back to fighting alone.

P.s. But oddly they thought the post about my dad threatened to shoot me with his gun was okay.

#TheMighty #CPTSD #PTSD #Trauma #Abuse #ChildAbuse #SexualAbuse #ChildSexualAbuse

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Trauma Survivors vs Everyone

I’m really getting sick and tired of people telling me how to feel or react or understand my abuse. I’m tired of people intentional turning innocent observations into me defending my abusers. I’m sick of it. SICK. Knock it off! You’re not me! You have not been where I have been! Do not tell me how to feel or handle my abuser! Do not treat me like I’m the bad guy for not reacting the way you want me to! You wonder why abuse victims keep their damn mouths shut??? THIS. Every move we make is studied and people find fault with everything we do because they know better. If you haven’t been here you do NOT know better! So just STOP!

#CPTSD #PTSD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Abuse #Trauma #ChildAbuse #SexualAbuse #ChildSexualAbuse

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My Molestor Got Revenge on Himself

So I’ve got issues right? So I look my uncle in Peru up…. In 3 years he went from looking… how do i say this… suave… a guy who puts in plenty of effort? A guy many ladies and gay men would like… excuse me while I puke… to a full beard and mustache greying mess! And he didn’t even brush his hair for the picture! He looks AWFUL…. And I’d like to think it’s because a couple years ago I outed him as a predator to the public on Facebook. He certainly learned to make his Twitter more private since then… let me pretend!

On another note. Earlier I claimed my uncle wasn’t a pedophile…. But I realized something weird. He’s only been married once and they lived together only a year. She was a supermodel gorgeous Latina. They had a kid though honestly I don’t even think it was his. She may have been a single mom. He looks totally Latino. Granted idk what a half white half Latino kid looks like but I imagine not like a spitting image of his Latina mom right? He also has no legal rights over the kid and I don’t even think he knows his name…. The Latina and her son now live as naturalized citizens of the USA. They came without him. He’s still in Peru.

Which brings me to the point. He’s in his 40s. Isn’t it a little odd that he never has a girlfriend ever, doesn’t have any apparent biological kids, and was married only once and for the shortest time ever? I thought his flaunting his porn girls was proof he wasn’t a pedo… but was that the whole point of showing it off in the first place? To clear suspicion?

His Twitter account is mainly well known porn stars who he encourages to get nude and talk politics, popular American politicians (yet no Peruvian ones… despite living there for a decade or so now) who he likes to troll and harass on both sides of the political spectrum while pretending to be an intellectual… and then moms who only post pictures of their little daughters and talk about school stuff…. That’s weird right??? He doesnt care about children. Not from a parental or nurturing stand point. And his two victims (that I know of) were girls.

Also he was raised Catholic… could he have much molested by a priest? They say molestors were victims first right? I mean I can kinda see that. My family is from Los Angeles. Home of that Cali thug life yo! Sorry couldn’t control myself lol. I mean if there’s a dirty priest… he’s in LA right? Lol Kidding… kinda.

I have a lot to talk about in therapy.

#CPTSD #PTSD #Trauma #Abuse #ChildAbuse #SexualAbuse #ChildSexualAbuse

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Repressed memories

Uncovered a little more detail of my repressed memories today. The tune on the piano at the time I was molested. My birth families elderly black lab wandering about. How I ended up in my uncles room.

A weird thing occurred though. My adoptive mom mentioned at the time she never heard laughter from my uncles room. But she heard the piano. But leading to the molesting I could’ve sworn he tickled me… how would you not hear a 2 year old laughing? I can hear the neighbor kids from a mile away! If I wasn’t laughing then was it never actually intended to be tickling in the first place??? Was this just my child minds definition of sexual acts he did? In my memory I don’t recall laughing either… which is strange. I remember feeling scared and confused and like time had slowed. Ugh. Having repressed memories come back piece by piece is frustrated. Dear brain, give it to me in one go and be done with it.

Oh I also remember that day my grandpa refused to see me that day. He was too angry at my birth mom for getting rid of me. And I remember feeling like my grandpa didn’t love me anymore because I wasn’t a real member of the family. Also my head hurts, my joints hurt, and my guts hurt.

#PTSD #CPTSD #Trauma #Abuse #SexualAbuse #ChildSexualAbuse #Migraines #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #IrritableBowelSyndromeIBS

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Realization

Being accused of supporting pedophilia feels on some level like being told “you asked for it.” It makes me feel I’m a willing participant to what happened to me. My heart still not settled and my head is light and dizzy. But luckily I seem to have lost all feeling and dissociated. Unfortunately it was after the panic attack. And my dog thought barking during a panic attack was some how helpful…. It wasn’t.

Okay now my panic attacks coming back. I’m taking a mighty break or I might break me. I need a distraction from my own mind bad. My mind is screwing with me.

#CPTSD #PTSD #Trauma #Abuse #SexualAbuse #ChildSexualAbuse

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Frustrated

So I went through the trouble of telling my sexual abuse story. And the mighty immediately deleted it because of a misunderstanding of my experiences. My uncle attempted to sol*ci* child p**n of me at age 12. The mighty saw these words and apparently assumed I was trying to do that. Ugh. I can’t even tell my story????? So frustrating!!! That was so triggering and painful to right! I poured my soul out! 🤬 so now I’m over here crawling in my skin for nothing???? UGH!!!!

#CPTSD #PTSD #Trauma #Abuse #ChildAbuse #SexualAbuse #ChildSexualAbuse #TheMighty #triggered

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How the film “Liar Liar” inspired a Predator Playbook

TW: Child Molestation, Grooming, Victim Blaming, attempted solicitation of child pornography

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I used to think I was alone but after a quick Google I learned multiple kids were molested with this same “game.” So I feel more comfortable talking about it.

You know that scene I’m the old film Liar Liar where the father tickles his son with “the claw?” My uncle used that same method and threw in a creepy piano hand walk to molest me. It starts off innocent enough but the hand goes down and does other things.

After being adopted my adoptive father was a fan of the film liar liar. And he liked to do the claw thing in the innocent movie accurate way. And my reaction was well psycho. It was so extreme my terror terrified everyone. I ran to my room. Slammed the door. And sat against it on the other side screaming and crying bloody murder.

Through out my life I think because of that experience I was convinced my dad had molested me. At age 12 I had a dream where I had phantom sensations. I woke up and accused him of rape as I had a panic attack. My mom couldn’t go to work that day because of my panic attack. My dad was a drunk so he didn’t go to work and I was afraid to be alone with him. Eventually my mom reassured me my dad didn’t rape me was just a dream. Though it took a while to convince me as my whole life I had been convinced subconsciously that my dad was sexually into me. He may not have been a sexual predator but he was still a very bad and abusive man. Don’t misunderstand.

When I was in my 20s (still am lol) I was on Instagram and was looking at Miley Cyrus’ page for old times sake. She had posted the art she stole. You know the food porn. And the next thing I knew I could remember my uncle molesting me at age 2 1/2, the claw “game,” the fear, the sound of my own heart beat, the piano keys playing creepily, the knowledge that I should run for help but was afraid because my uncle was a grown up and kids are supposed to obey grown ups so if I left I’d be in trouble.

My uncle was around a lot my first 15 months of life. We shared a home. So knowing him he molested me through that time period and again when my adoptive family would take me to visit my birth family. There’s photos of him and I together a lot and lord knows my birth mom didn’t want to do anything that didn’t involve partying and drugs.

Typing this out was really damn hard. Triggering. But there it is. The earliest memory I have. And one of the worst if not THE worst that I have. It makes me feel horrible. I’ve confirmed it with my adoptive mom my describing my uncles room and my grandparents entire home layout. I got it right in every aspect. Currently my uncle lives in Peru. Why did he run off to South America? Nobody will tell us.

P.s. my uncle tried to groom me at age 12 via social media and email. I didn’t know how normal families acted. His compliments were flirty. But I thought maybe he was just being supportive. He then asked me to send him naked pictures of myself. I was scared and uncomfortable. So I close my computer and tried to sleep-it was hard. In the morning he had posted all over my Facebook for everyone to see that I was a whore and trailer trash. I cried and called my birth mom. But you see she told me never to talk to my uncle. When I asked her why she had said, “because I’m your mom and I said so!” But he’s my uncle right? Why shouldn’t I talk to family? So when I called and told her what happened there was no sympathy. She said it was my own fault because for disobeying her and I brought this on myself so how dare I come to her for help… and she probably lied to my sister about what really happened to make me look bad. As always.

#CPTSD #PTSD #Trauma #Abuse #SexualAbuse #ChildSexualAbuse #grooming #ChildAbuse #adopted

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Sex addiction in response to sexual abuse

A rarely discussed symptom of sexual abuse yet one of the most common. Sex addiction. I’ve experienced it and I know many girls in worse situations who also came out that way. I think it’s rarely discussed because how do you explain to people an obsession you have related to a trauma? Psychologically it’s perfectly understandable but many people don’t get that because it seems illogical.

You know the stereotype of the stripper with daddy issues? Go to any strip club and you’ll find it’s a stereotype for a reason-it’s a very common out come. Girls get molested, developed a push pull attraction to sex, their identity becomes their sex appeal (for many reasons), they need money…. So that’s where they find themselves working. They also often dabble in prostitution… I’ve considered it… I still do… every day. To get enough money to run away. Or at least to hitch a ride.

I always found it funny when people accused asexuals of being sexually abused for having no interest in sex. I’m over here like, “I’ve yet to meet a child sexual abuse survivor 100% afraid of sex. Adult sexual abuse survivors? Hell yes. Childhood? No. I think it’s more common to be addicted or have no feelings in particular (it’s for someone else never you-I know a learning disabled victim with that response… but she’s really religious so we don’t click)… to nonintimate sex… while simultaneously yes being afraid of it.

Make no sense? Welcome to my life. I can only have sex if I don’t feel it’s sweet or kind or love related. Sweet kind sex makes me freak out. I think it’s about an inability to merge romance with sex. My brain can’t fathom a coexistence between them. Sex for my abuser was about his pleasure so my brain sees sex as dirty. And can’t fathom someone loving me while doing it.

“I’m far more afraid of someone I trust touching me than a stranger,” is a good way to sum it up. These are based on my experiences and may not reflect everyone obviously but I figure I’d spell it out.

#CPTSD #PTSD #Trauma #Abuse #Sexaddiction #Addiction #SexualAbuse #ChildSexualAbuse

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