anger

It's not that simple for me when people say that I can overcome it, push through, force myself or just do it and that I have to do these things even if it's uncomfortable or scary because it just doesn't work for me. It hasn't changed, I know that it ever will because nobody doesn't get it because that triggers me

Hey… I just wanted to share something.

You ever have something you really wanted to experience—something that feels so important to you—but anxiety and fear just make it feel impossible?

For me, it’s the Fozzy 25th anniversary tour. I would love to be at one of the concerts or even go to a meet and greet to see the band and meet Chris Jericho. Just thinking about it makes me excited… but then anxiety shows up and takes over. It’s not that I don’t want to go—I do, more than anything. I just don’t know if I could handle going alone. My anxiety doesn’t let me.

It’s not as simple as just going or pushing through. I’ve avoided events for years because I never know what to expect, what to say, where to go, or what to do when I get there. It’s not just the fear. It’s the way my anxiety and nerves take over. I get overwhelmed fast. I’ve been in situations where I was too nervous to talk, didn’t know how to start a conversation, and ended up standing there, feeling awkward and completely out of place. After a while, I started avoiding anything that made me feel that way.

People don’t always get it. It’s not just a matter of trying harder or forcing myself. I’ve tried. Every time I wanted to plan something out—whether it was going to a concert, traveling, or just doing something for myself—I ended up holding back or not going through with it. It’s not because I didn’t want it badly enough. It’s because the fear and anxiety were stronger than the excitement.

I’ve never been to a concert or a meet and greet before. I’ve missed out on things I’ve always dreamed about because I couldn’t push past my anxiety. Even traveling has been something I avoided. I’ve never traveled alone. I’m the kind of person who gets lost easily and I have special needs, which makes everything harder to manage on my own.

My mom works and she’s tired a lot. She doesn’t really have the time or energy to take me places, and I get that. But I also can’t do things like this by myself. If Fozzy ever comes to Georgia, I wish I could go. I just need someone to be there with me—someone who could help me feel more comfortable, who could help me get through the overwhelming parts.

It’s not just about the concert itself. It’s about getting there, knowing where to go, what time to show up, where to sit, what to do when I arrive. All of those little things that most people don’t even think twice about? For me, they’re huge. I have a million questions and no answers. That’s why I feel so stuck.

I wish I had concert friends or someone to go to a meet and greet with. Someone who could even help take a picture with the band. I’ve always found it really hard to do things alone. It’s not just about being shy or quiet—it’s about not feeling safe, not knowing what to do, and not wanting to get overwhelmed and end up having a full-blown anxiety attack in a place that’s supposed to be fun.

And I guess that’s part of why I’m writing this. I don’t really have friends. I don’t have people to go to events with or talk about this stuff with. I’d love to find people who love Fozzy or concerts in general, people who have been to meet and greets, or even people who have social anxiety like me. It doesn’t matter where you're from. I just want to connect with someone who understands.

I’m shy. I get nervous easily. Whether it’s in person or online, I don’t usually start conversations first. Not because I don’t want to talk, but because I don’t know how. I get so anxious. I overthink every word. I worry about being judged, about saying the wrong thing, about being ignored. I know those fears don’t always match reality, but they feel real. And that fear holds me back from reaching out—even when I really want to.

Every time I tried to push through it, I failed or ended up retreating back into my comfort zone. It’s not easy. I’ve struggled with this for as long as I can remember, and honestly, it hasn’t gotten any easier now that I’m an adult. People often say things like “just go for it,” “push through,” “you have to do it alone sometime,” but it’s not that simple. If it was, I would have done it by now.

This kind of anxiety doesn’t just go away. My hands shake, my heart races, I have trouble breathing, and I can’t think straight. That’s what happens when I’m in social situations. I get overwhelmed, and without support, it just feels impossible. Some people might not understand that, and that’s okay—but I do hope I can find a few who do.

I’ve had people tell me that I should be more independent, that I should be able to travel or handle things on my own. But I’m not that kind of person, and I don’t want to be told how I should live my life. I know my limits, and I know what I need. I don’t want to do things I’m uncomfortable with just to prove something to other people. I just want to feel safe and supported in the things I do want to do.

That includes phone calls too. Even something like calling to book an appointment or check on something—I get so nervous, I end up hanging up as soon as someone answers. It’s not me being rude. It’s the anxiety. It takes over before I can even say hello. That’s why I don’t want people telling me to just get over it or act like it’s something I can snap out of.

I guess I’m saying all this because I’m hoping to connect with people who understand what it’s like to live with social anxiety or to struggle with things like traveling, going to events, or talking to strangers. People who get it—who don’t judge and who are kind and patient. People who might also love music, concerts, wrestling, or just want someone to talk to who gets it too.

If that’s you, I’d love to talk—if you don’t mind starting the conversation first. I’m not great at reaching out, but I’m a good listener and I really care. I just need that little bit of support and kindness to feel like I belong. I want to experience things like concerts and meeting the people I look up to. I just don’t want to do it alone. I want someone there who can help me feel safe and make the whole experience less scary.

So yeah, if you’re someone who’s been through similar things, or if you just want to connect, I’d really like that. Even if you’re not nearby, just talking to someone who gets it would mean a lot.

Thank you for reading this if you made it this far. I know it was long, but I’ve had this on my mind for a while. I just wanted to share how I feel in hopes that maybe—just maybe—I’ll find someone out there who feels the same.

When I share my struggles about social anxiety, making friends or just anything I have shared
I expect people to reply when I open up about my struggles about whatever I am going through in my life instead of ignoring me which makes me not even want to open up to people if all people is going to do is just ignore me, judge me or what they think I should do. I understand that people has jobs, they are busy or things going on but when they don't reply at all when I pour my heart out it just shows how people say one thing but do another because I have always heard that I am here for you, I care, I am important but when then they just turn around to ignore me, you don't get to ignore me when I have talked about what I am going through or just anything in general. It makes me so angry, it makes me break down crying but after a while it makes me want lash out but it isn't because I want to hurt someone but In the past I have been hurt, ignored, or when people stop talking to me when they had other friends or things to focus on then makes me feel unwanted or not needed anymore because tired of the repeated cycle. Don't say things if you don't mean it! #SocialAnxiety #anger #MentalHealth #Music

When someone asks, “Have you ever been to a WWE event, concert, or meet and greet?” The truth is—I haven’t. And it’s not because I don’t want to go. I’ve wanted to go for the longest time. I would love to go to a WWE event, a concert, or a meet and greet—especially if it meant meeting someone like Chris Jericho or seeing my favorite band, Fozzy, live. That would mean everything to me.
But the truth is, my anxiety holds me back in ways most people don’t see or understand.
When I’m around people—whether I know them or not—I freeze. I get so nervous that I can’t talk or start the conversation first, I can’t make eye contact, and I never know what to say. I end up standing there quietly, feeling completely out of place. And that’s not new. It’s been that way since I was younger. Now that I’m an adult, it’s only gotten harder.
Being in a crowd—no matter who’s around—is one of the hardest things for me. My hands shake, my heart races, and I don’t know what to do, where to go, how to act, or how to handle myself. I get overwhelmed so fast. And because of that, I usually avoid those situations altogether—especially if I’d have to go alone.
People don’t really understand how much anxiety affects someone. They think it’s as simple as “just push through it,” but it’s not. I’ve tried. I’ve pushed myself to go places when I was nervous. I’ve shown up to things hoping it would get better. But every single time, I end up silent, overwhelmed, and wishing I hadn’t gone. It never gets easier.
There are things I really want to do—concerts, events, meet and greets—but I can’t do them by myself. I wouldn’t know how to navigate a big crowd, who to ask for help, where to go, or even what to say. I have social anxiety and a disability, and the combination of both makes everything that much harder. I don’t have anyone to go with. My mom works a lot, and I don’t have the kind of support system others do. If I had someone there with me, I’d feel so much safer. Having support would change everything.
But even with that, my mom is often too tired. She says she never has time, but she drinks every day, and that makes it harder for me to do the things I want to do. It messes with me and makes me feel like I don’t have support, and that’s tough. It’s like she’s just not there when I need her, even though I know she’s my mom. It’s complicated and only makes it harder to go out and do things.
I’m not independent, and I don’t plan to be. People always tell me I should try harder or do more on my own—but they don’t understand. I get overwhelmed easily. Even small things like errands, phone calls, paperwork, or traveling alone feel impossible sometimes. I’ve even hung up during phone calls just from being too nervous. Booking a hotel, figuring out how to get back home, traveling—it all terrifies me. I’ve never handled those things well. And I shouldn’t be forced into doing something that feels impossible for me.
It’s not about not trying. I have tried. I’ve pushed myself. I’ve tried being social. I’ve tried going to things. But every time, I end up feeling like I don’t belong—standing there alone, scared, and silent. And that feeling sticks with me even long after I’m home again.
People say things like, “You’ll feel better once you’re there.” But I don’t. Those comments don’t help. They only trigger more fear, pressure, and pain. My anxiety is real. It’s deep. It’s not something I can just snap out of. Telling me to “just go anyway” doesn’t help—it makes it worse.
Social media is the only place I feel kind of safe. I can express myself and post how I feel without the pressure of face-to-face interaction. But even then, I still get ignored. I’ll see people active, talking, posting, making time for others—but not for me. It’s hard to keep trying when I constantly feel unseen.
It hurts watching people make time for everyone else while I sit here wondering why I’m never included. It’s not about being too busy—because they somehow always have time for everyone else. They just don’t have time for me.
I’m shy. I’m quiet. I’m nervous. I don’t reach out first. That doesn’t mean I don’t care. That doesn’t mean I don’t want to connect. I’ve just never had the courage to start conversations. I never know what to say. And I’ve been ignored and left on read too many times. That’s why I’ve stopped trying. That’s why I distance myself.
Right now, I’m even going through it with my best friend. She only reached out once—to ask who I was dating—and then left me on read. That’s not what friends do. Friends should care, ask how you’re doing, check in, include you, and make you feel like you matter. I gave her space, hoping she’d come around. But it’s been four months. Nothing changed. I’ve posted things hoping she’d notice—but still nothing.
It’s like I’m the only one who cares. I try in my own way, even if I don’t reach out first—but even that goes unnoticed. It makes me feel unwanted, not needed, and forgotten.
So when people ask if I’ve been to a WWE meet and greet, a concert, or an event… No, I haven’t. But it’s not because I don’t want to—it’s because I can’t do it alone.
I love music. I look up to Chris Jericho. Seeing Fozzy in concert would mean everything to me. But even if they came to Georgia, I still wouldn’t be able to go—not because I don’t want to, but because of everything I just said. The anxiety, the fear, the lack of support, the money, the transportation—it all adds up and creates this wall that I can’t get through by myself.
Social anxiety isn’t being lazy, weak, or dramatic. It’s real. It’s waking up and trying in ways no one sees. It’s being afraid to speak, afraid to be seen, afraid to be judged. It’s choosing to stay home not because you don’t care—but because it feels safer than being around people who might hurt or ignore you.
I shouldn’t have to change who I am to be accepted or included. I’m shy. I’m quiet. I’m anxious—but I’m still me. And I deserve to be treated with kindness and understanding. If I wanted to do something, I would’ve done it already. But anxiety has always held me back. It’s not as easy as people think.
So when people tell me, “Just push yourself,” “Just go,” “Force yourself to get out there”—they don’t understand. It’s not that simple. It’s not just a mindset. It’s not something you can switch off like a light. It’s a struggle I live with every single day. It’s real. It’s exhausting. It’s painful.
You never know how hard someone is fighting just to exist in a world that makes them feel invisible. So before you judge or tell someone what they should do—try listening first. Try understanding.
Because sometimes, the biggest battles are the ones no one ever sees.
Even if they did come to Georgia, I still wouldn’t be able to go—not because I don’t want to, but because of everything I just mentioned. The anxiety, the fear of crowds, the lack of support, the overwhelming emotions, and the logistical issues—like transportation, money, and the uncertainty of handling it all alone or anything that requires independence I can't do alone. It is not something that has changed, it never will and I don't want to be because it just feels like too much. I want to go, but those barriers are too high to overcome by myself.
It doesn't help when If I get judged, ignored, not supported, hurt by the people who I think that won't hurt me, that will make rude comments, laugh reactions I would end up getting so angry that I wouldn't be able to handle it that I would get angry, lash out until I break down crying is why I don't put myself in situations because I have noticed firsthand how people in my city when someone is posting in the group about expressing how they feel, asking for help or just randomly post I always see a rude comment, a laugh reaction or people being so judgemental is why I don't post or comment in groups because it can happen to me which is why I don't leave the house either.

It's everything

#SocialAnxiety #MentalHealth #Depression #Music #anger

Struggling with Social Anxiety and Feeling Left Behind

Hey everyone, I’ve been struggling with social anxiety for most of my life, and it’s really hard for me to reach out or connect with others. I’m a very quiet, shy person, full of anxiety and I often find myself holding back because I fear being judged or misunderstood. I don’t easily start conversations, and I communicate through posts instead of direct messages because that feels safer to me.
But here’s the thing: I’ve been left on read, ignored, or blocked so many times that it’s become difficult for me to trust that anyone will actually stick around. It’s really painful when I’ve been told I’m important and that people care, but then they disappear or stop talking to me. Every time that happens, I feel like I’ve lost a piece of myself, and I pull back even more. I get upset, frustrated, and angry because I don’t want to go through the same thing again, but sometimes my emotions just spiral out of control. I’ve screamed, cried, and lashed out, especially when I feel judged, ignored, or hurt too many times. It gets to the point where I’m just tired of being let down over and over again.
I’ve also struggled with feeling like I’ve lost my best friend. She was someone I used to talk to every day, but lately, it seems like she’s been focusing on other people and giving them her time and attention. I’ve tried to tell her how much she means to me and how much I need her, but it feels like she’s just not making time for me anymore. No calls, no texts, no effort on her part. It hurts, and I just feel forgotten, replaced, and alone.
I know I don’t reach out like others do, and it’s not that I don’t care or want to connect—I do. But people say "reach out," and I want to, but it's not that simple. It’s hard for me, and I find myself stuck in a cycle of fear. I don’t think I should have to change who I am to get the care, attention, and friendship that I deserve. I want to be accepted for who I am, for just being myself, and I shouldn't have to change to be liked or valued. I worry a lot about being judged, looked at weird, or even bullied because of my disability, and that’s why I avoid crowds and bigger social situations. It’s overwhelming, and I often end up withdrawing, staying at home, and shutting myself off from the world.
Dealing with my emotions has been incredibly difficult, and at times, it feels like I can't keep it all inside. The constant judgment, being ignored, and hurtful experiences have made it so hard to stay calm. I get to the point where I lash out or just break down because it all becomes too much. It has made me realize that a job would be too stressful for me. The thought of constantly switching tasks and dealing with changes at work would likely make me angry and cause me to lash out at coworkers, just like I’ve been in situations in the past where I couldn’t handle the pressure, and it didn’t end well. Even though some people tell me I should get a job, I wouldn’t be able to handle it, and I won’t get one even if I was financially struggling. It’s hard taking care of myself and making decisions for myself as it is, but avoiding things altogether due to my anxiety just makes it worse. I would avoid doing anything alone, going anywhere, making phone calls, or setting appointments, or anything that makes me nervous. It all just builds up, causing my anxiety to get worse. Besides, it would affect the check I get every month, and at the end of the day, I will do what I feel comfortable with. Staying at home and keeping myself busy is where I feel safest.
I know it’s hard for others to understand this, but it’s something I’ve struggled with my whole life. I don’t want to keep going through this cycle of trying, only to end up ignored or replaced by someone else. I just want friends who will mean what they say, who will be there when I’m struggling, and who will stick around even when things aren’t perfect. I’ve tried my best to get my best friend’s attention in my own way, but it doesn’t seem to matter. I feel like I’m always putting myself out there only to be ignored, and it’s hard not to feel like I’m too much or like I don’t fit in.
I’ve been trying for so long, and it’s exhausting. I’ve spent so much time feeling alone in this, and it’s getting harder and harder to trust that anyone will stay. I haven’t had friends to hang out with in years, and I’ve found it so difficult to meet up with people because I don’t go anywhere alone. My mom works, and I don’t drive, so I’m really stuck when it comes to making plans. It’s frustrating and lonely, but I also know I’m not the only one struggling with this.

Believe me, it isn’t that I haven’t tried—because that is still me reaching out and communicating.

At the end of the day, I just want to be accepted for who I am, flaws and all. It’s hard enough to navigate through my anxiety and emotions, and sometimes it feels like I’m fighting a battle alone. But I’m lucky to have my boyfriend. He gives me everything that friends can’t, even though it’s hard sometimes because he has autism. He’s said things he truly means, and he’s promised me everything. I love him, care about him, and don’t want to be alone. He has always treated me right and has always taken care of me, never once caring that I’m dependent because it doesn't bother him. I am not independent and I don't plan to be either. I will be moving back to him when he gets a new place, and I’m looking forward to that.
I just want to get away from the environment where I feel like I don’t belong—where friends ignore me and my stepdad constantly puts me down by calling me names and judging everything about me, even things like how I look or what music I listen to, calling it “witchcraft” and criticizing my taste. My mom drinks to cope with everything going on in her life, but I can’t make her stop drinking or get help when she won’t, at least not right now. She’s stuck in this situation where she can’t leave because of the bills. She would move to Atlanta with my sister if it ever happens, hopefully by September. I always try to keep my hopes up, but I know it might not happen the way I want it to. I don’t think she’ll get the help she needs because she’s too busy working, and she doesn’t want to be controlled.
But through all of this, I just want to be seen and understood for who I am, without judgment or rejection. I want to be accepted and loved for who I am—no changes needed. If you can relate to any of this, know you’re not alone, and maybe together we can start finding the acceptance and peace we deserve.
"I just want to be understood for who I am, with everything I go through. If I choose to handle things my own way, that's my decision. I don’t want anyone telling me how to live my life or what I should do. I appreciate empathy, but I don’t need advice unless I ask for it. Please respect my boundaries and understand that I’m navigating everything in my own way. Thank you for respecting that."

Can anyone else relate?

Hi, my name is Jessie C. Love. I'm here because I live with

#MightyTogether #Anxiety #Depression #BipolarDisorder #Migraine #PTSD #Grief #anger

#Anxiety #anger #Fear #Depression

If it takes me cussing people out, then I will. I am really sorry I have become this person, but I just don’t like the feeling of being ignored, hurt, lied to, people stopped talking to me, people saying things that they don’t mean, like saying they will be there, they won’t leave but they eventually do. I have never done anything wrong but it just seems like to me people talk to who they want, care about who they want, spend time or hang out with who they want, but when it comes time for them to make new friends or talk to other people, I have noticed people stop talking to me. It makes me feel like I am invisible and don’t matter. That is why I don’t get close to people, I don’t even leave the house anymore because of it, I don’t put myself out there because I don’t see the point anymore. I feel like I will never change because I am always going to find it hard to start the conversation first because I don’t do well with socializing, because I don’t know what to say, I have always been way too shy to message first and also the reason I don’t reach out is because I have a fear of rejection or being ignored but I also don’t because I know life can get busy with job, kids, or just anything. I know that I have my boyfriend, with him I don’t have to worry about anything or anybody hurting me because I know that he will always be there, he will talk to me, he will not ignore me, or just anything. Despite everything, he has autism, I know it can be a struggle sometimes because he doesn’t always get it or understand when I need time to myself, space, or to do anything, communication is always a problem but it’s not that he is ignoring me or if I don’t message him back right away, he will send multiple messages until I reply, which I know is linked to his autism, I know that it’s something he can’t control or help but it isn’t something that I will leave him over. I am also going to stick around through it all, I love him but also the reason I stay is because I am afraid of being alone because if I wasn’t with him then I know I will be alone because no friends stay around and everyone else leaves. He also takes care of me, he is okay with me being very dependent and everything but he also treats me like a queen, but there will be a time when I will be able to go back to him. I won’t have to worry about anything anymore, whether that be people leaving, my stepdad accusing me of things I don’t do, calling me names to put me down, calling my music I listen to witchcraft or devil music when it’s not but also my mom who drinks every day and decides not to get help, but I am done with it all and everything. I know that I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to or that I am not comfortable with, which that includes getting a job because if I had one it would be too much for me to handle to the point I would be lashing out and getting angry at people I work with, but I am just done trusting people to stick around when they will just leave when I did nothing wrong, but I feel like I am replaceable anyways which is why I cling onto my boyfriend and attach myself because I know that he will never leave me. I have him and he is all I need because in the end, everyone just leaves anyways. I am sorry if I can’t always control my anger sometimes and I don’t want to break anything like I used to but I am tired of caring anymore. I don’t put myself out there, I don’t get close to people, which once I move back to him then that’s it because I’m not going to let anybody in and the only person I want to feel close to is him because it’s just the repetitive cycle with everyone else because since I am never going to be the one to start conversations, I don’t want to reach out first unless people talk to me, some people only want to be friends with people who put in the same effort as them which I am never going to be that person and all of that is not going to change. I have him at least, who will stick around, who shows up for me and he never will leave me, but I will be moving back to him soon because at least I have someone there who will tend to my needs, take care of me, and everything or there is somedays there is times I am too tired to get out bed, eat and have the energy which he will help me with the things I struggle with or other tasks I can't do on my own like hygiene, cooking, laundry or just anything but as don't do phone calls either because I prefer texting. He treats me like a queen and he is all that I ever want but nothing is going to change that, I will risk anything for my relationship just so I don’t have to be alone. He also comforts me when I am feeling sad, he sings to me, and does everything he can to make me feel better, and I know I will get to experience that when I move back to him too. He always knows how to cheer me up when I am down. When I am around him, I don’t need space or time alone. He’s the only one who I can always count on, and that’s all I need but since I don't like going anywhere alone or doing anything alone that is why I have him because I also care and worry about what people think of me when I am in person because I have a learning disability because I am afraid of being judged, laughed at, looked at a certain way and I have heard people that do get bullied because they have a disability, for their appearance or anything but even going out to the grocery store makes me feel uncomfortable. My reaction to when people stop talking to me, lying to me, leaving me, or I feel as if people make new friends or forget about me or just anything to hurt me makes me get angry and crying is my reaction but I am just done. He will be so clingy to the point I can't do anything, I am okay with that so I don't have to be alone and everything but I would rather have someone talk my ear off and blow up my phone rather than someone who would leave because believe me when I do get so clingy when I get ignored or anything and I have become the same way but i have decided not to reach out. I only told my friends that he treated me wrong because they wasn't talking to me anymore or like they used to. Onetime when I lived with him they did threaten to beat me up if I didn't come back to Georgia when that isn't what friends do but he does treat me right. I have nothing here for me in Georgia or i feel like I have nobody but to be honest I am done putting myself out there, I am done getting close to people or even letting people into my life anymore when all they do is leave. That includes being independent because I don't have to if I don't to which i am not, I also don't want anybody trying to tell me how to live my life or what to do because I will do what I want to do and makes me feel comfortable. I spend hours on video call with my boyfriend because we can understand each other better especially when we meet in person again and we have been together for 8 years and going on 9 in February and with his autism it is much easier for him. He will always do what he has always done for me, that is what I need in my life and that means so much to me, he is the only one I want to be with and there is nothing going to change that.

I am really sorry that I do come off as very bitter, as if I had stopped caring or not to let people in, stopped getting close to people because everyone leaves and it makes me feel as if everyone is the same and the only one who stays is my boyfriend who has showed up for me, promised me that and everything.

I'm Ashley, and I’m 27 years old. I’ve been dealing with depression since I was 17. Most days, I stay at home because it makes me feel safe. I do different activities based on how I feel, like listening to music, eating, sleeping, watching TV, journaling, and coloring. Starting conversations is really hard for me; I often struggle to think of what to say and feel very shy about messaging people first. I understand why some people might choose to leave, and I worry a lot about reaching out because I’m scared of rejection or being ignored. Sometimes I think nobody would really want to talk to me. Being in public, especially in crowds, is tough for me, which makes asking for help difficult. I don’t like making phone calls and prefer texting or emailing because I’m scared of being judged or misunderstood. I feel too nervous to talk on the phone. If I had friends to video call, I’d probably just stay quiet the entire time because I feel anxious and don’t know how to keep the conversation going. I know it’s hard for me to share all of this, but my worries often lead me to feel sad and sometimes angry. I’m currently in a relationship with my boyfriend, who can be controlling. He tells me what to say in messages and doesn’t give me much personal space; he can be super clingy at times, but I understand because I can be the same way too. If I don’t reply right away, he deletes his messages or sends a lot of them again until I reply, which adds to my stress. Even though he helps me with daily tasks I struggle with, like cooking, hygiene, and laundry, talking on the phone is hard for me, and I love him for being there when others have left me, but it still feels complicated. He has mentioned that he has a bit of autism that he calls borderline autism, and while I support him, it can be hard for me to be alone. I’d rather be with someone who stays. I know I shouldn’t think that everyone is the same, but after being hurt many times, I can’t help but feel this way. My stepdad adds to my stress too; he often accuses me of things that aren’t true, judges my music taste, and invades my privacy by coming into my room when I’m not there. He even turns off the extension cord where my devices are plugged in, or sometimes turns off the whole fuse box just because he doesn’t like my music. One time, when I was playing my favorite band on TV, he called it witchcraft or devil music when music is something that helps me through a lot, so I listen to it on my laptop instead. I really wish my mom would stop drinking, but she refuses to get help. I know she won’t leave my stepdad because of her money problems since she has so many bills, so I feel like it’s best for me to find a way out of my situation, even if that means moving back in with my boyfriend. I don’t want to feel pressured to be independent or to get a job because that feels overwhelming. I don’t have to do anything I don't want to, and I am not comfortable with. I worry that my anger might cause me to lash out at times, which is why I don’t have a job; it would be too hard to manage that with my anger. I get a monthly check, and I’m scared that if I work, it might get cut, which makes me more anxious. I prefer saving my money because it feels easier and less stressful. I often think about moving back to my boyfriend, away from Georgia, because it might help ease my worries about being alone and having someone there, even with his controlling behavior. I love that he holds me when I cry, and I realize that I might not be making complete sense, but I just want to be in a relationship. I love him so much, and I fear that everyone will leave me. I need someone who means what they say and won’t lie or leave me. He is okay with me being dependent, and he takes care of me, which makes me feel safe. I refuse to be single because it seems like I will never find anybody else like him who can deal with me being very dependent. He has been there for me through so much, and I also hate doing things by myself because I get nervous and anxious, worrying about everything that could happen. But with him, I don’t have to worry about those things. I’ve been with him for 8 years, and even though he can be controlling, he is very loyal and has done everything to keep me safe. He comforts me when I feel alone and sad. He will never give attention to other women, and he made it clear to me that he only wants me. I have always had trouble making friends because starting conversations is hard for me. I often feel shy about messaging first, and at the same time, I don’t reach out because I am afraid of rejection and being ignored. I understand why people leave because I struggle with conversations, especially starting them. I just really miss having someone like him who comforts me when I cry. I wouldn't have to go through anything alone if I were still living with him, despite everything. I have become very clingy because my fear of rejection has led to anger over time. It is hard to control my feelings because every little thing makes me angry, and then I want to explode. It's tough not to feel angry because I’ve been hurt before, and it’s hard to be nice to people who seem to ignore me. When I think about going back to him, I won’t have to worry about being alone or feel judged for having a learning disability. I truly love him so much; he makes me happy despite his controlling behavior. I would rather deal with this than be alone with people who will leave, ignore me, or hurt me. I just needed to get everything off my chest and share what I am going through. I have spent so many holidays, occasions, and everything with him, but when I am in Georgia, I just feel very alone, isolated, or like nobody wants to hang out, and also the reason I don't reach out to other people is that I know they have their own lives, kids, and jobs, which I can understand, but it is the same as in person with making conversations. I do feel like sometimes I don't feel understood or that nobody cares because of the things that happen, but I also hate to tell people my problems or feel like a burden because I know people go through their own problems too, so I end up keeping things bottled up inside and choose to suffer or have the feeling like I will be laughed at, bullied, or judged for how I feel, my problems, or anything. I do find joy in doing things, but sometimes I just lose interest and don’t want to do anything.

Dealing with grandparents who took custody of my son, continue to push against me by subtlety 'asking' I drive to get my son(I have neither a license right now or a vehicle but a roomie n friend who has helped...in emergency) they assume I can do this. Court orders it I pay them money in child support which seems wrong. Anyways the judge ordered it as they asked and the reason was transportation costs n now it's suddenly not good enough and I'm the only solution. I suspect they sooner maintain custody and control our time to as it's shown in little things like tell me not to cut my son's hair...he needed one so I did so. Normal yes? Well they're taking this shit. Since they pay they take final say is that it. I've caught their lies n in court. The judge seems amblivious. I fear it's gonna wind up right back there. Arregh I hate it. #anger is a central secondary feeling to the frustration and feeling disgusted by their arrogance.

I have been deprived of love all my life then i found a guy who loved me so much and he showed me what a green healthy relationtion looks like everything was fine and one day he left bcz he just thought that he was controlling and toxic and he doesnt wana impose certain things on me like losing my male friends deactivating my socials cuz he was too possesive and also he was sole earner of his family so he was financially stressed out but after 10 days he came back saying he cant live without me and after 4 days he left again saying he had too much on his plate he cant deal with a relation right now i left him for his sake he also used things like religion and haram stuff cuz im a muslim but i still dont know i was a 10 with him we both treated each other well and i just cant forget what we had i see him on twtr he seems happy and i am not the same i cry have anger issues all of a sudden im losing interst i dont wanna talk to any more new people sometimes i crave attention make me wana become a playgirl but that not me i still feel used and a girl who can be passed time with cuz thats what him leaving made me feel
#needhelp #depress #anger