Ataxia

Probably would not have helped and would have caused onlookers and overcautiousness. Or indifference, but that coincides with the current state of affairs.

I'm am too slow for the current world, and I do not mean sniffing flowers and catching butterflies. The pace of our lives is getting faster and faster, what are you going to do with that 30 seconds you save on the escalator? I am about to learn that 5 minutes here, 10 minutes there and I already have 30 minutes! And then you will lose them by standing on red light.

A true festival of speed - yes, I increase the irritation, although I do not want that. It is just a bit sad for us (the disabled) because we try to function in this difficult society, and still we get hit What we got, none of us asked for.

Public transportation (buses, trams) is now my main means of transportation, I have to use it even though I do not really want to! A nightmare!

The struggles start when our transport stops - the low floor is a salvation, in the higher one I have to enter using the handrail - not stand in the doorway!

Well, and then there is the spot - if it stops at a place that is not a stop, or at the end of a long stretch, I do not get off/on.

After closing the door almost on my back, there is a sudden movement, and in my head the thought - "grab something". In one hand the phone (after all, someone brilliant invented the need to punch an electronic ticket - disabled people - buy a monthly or cardboard card, punching these tickets is very difficult for people with limited dexterity - plus low), after punching we go, and in my head a plan for getting off. Again - if I do it too slow, the driver will close the door in front of me, and I will get off at the next one and walk home - it happened to me already.

Well, and again - do not stand in the doorway, do not worship of the bus railings, do not lean on it.

Nothing special - these are simply rules of good manners. And please, do not put anything ON THE MIDDLE - scooters, shopping bags. Getting off is preceded by a slalom, and if I have to hold something that someone else is already holding, I get a look full of hatred and resentment.

Pressing the handicap button does not help - everyone looks "normal" in the mirror, so it's probably a mistake, if I had a wheelchair they would raise the platform for me, wait for me to get on and take a safe seat, and yes, you manage on your own! Well, unless you are a sprinter-surfer.

As soon as I get off, they snort and grin at me, the ones who have to pass me, and I go even slower - because the darkness already falling in the middle of the day tugs at me even more - even the flashlight on my phone does not help.

Shopping is also a challenge, although the beginning - walking around the store - is still acceptable. Just remember to put extra heavy stuff in a backpack or bag that can be carried on the shoulder, and do not buy too much so we can carry it. Carrying a bag in one hand - strongly unsettles the balance - two would not solve the problem - because uneven walking and bumping against it definitely disrupts the step.

Paying - the tragedy is not with a card - cash is subject to different laws, especially coins - so throw them on your hand like an 80 year old grandmother, and the cashier takes what you need and follows…

Wrap. That moment when the cashier pokes you in the eye because the queue, or worse, the cashier is going to checkout the next person. To avoid that, I put everything back on the basket, step aside and pack, and if I can not, I do it my way.

I get admonished - verbally or by looks/gestures by cab drivers when I have not fastened my seatbelt yet, by people holding the elevator for me or letting me through the door, by faster people on the sidewalk, by people waiting in queue everywhere - until I pay and pack, by people asking for my signature, by people standing in transportation, by people sitting in transportation - every one of my SLOWLY actions is a problem.

Throughout the day I have slow motion episodes quite often, and no, I do not look for them because I do not care about their presence

Hurry up girl!

No, practice patience and acceptance!

All my stories are on the blog: petiteem.pl

#Ataxia #RareDisease #Disability #ChronicIllness

Faith, views and beliefs are very individual, personal and not meant for discussion.

So let's talk! About faith and illness.

Everyone exhorts us to take care of our health and our bodies, as a very precious gift given to us, and any interference is an insult. Here we are in agreement.

The difficulties arose at the moment of perception, where I have to thank, ask, beg, apologize and accept that I am not leading myself through this life...

Evil should be pure, not powdered evil, because it is no test, gift or grace, because we are not more mature thanks to it, and it certainly does not bring us closer to it, and love triggers in us, more a sweet puppy than an incurable disease. "[...] through suffering, man can find, as it were, a new measure of his life and vocation [...]." [Ozorowski Mieczyslaw, Appreciating the value of suffering in Christianity, Studia Ecologiae et Bioethicae 2/2004, p. 753]. And let's not forget that: "one should not pray for the shortening of life in suffering, because according to Sister Lubomila Waclawek, it represents the greatest value." Value in suffering? I'll say thank you. This is suffering and that's it.

Illness is often not only idealised, but also romanticized. Suffering and pain are happiness or punishment, which must be humbly accepted and strongly thanked for. A gift, a test, or a secret plan, a miracle! Everyone so special - the healthy less so, of course. Who among us will win this race for the best passing through a serious illness?

Only once have I come across the view that human life has no fixed destination and consists of an eternal wandering full of sufferings from which one tries to free oneself. Eh... There is suffering everywhere.

We should accept that there is no ultimate meaning of life, but a personal, inner meaning of being, which is to enjoy the fact of existence itself. For what we are is magic... and no one and nothing will admit the futility, and yet we search strenuously for meaning and cheap comfort.

Free inwardly, but damaged outwardly. Calm in spirit, they die more peacefully, and yet I am gone. Everything about us is good, and what is bad is not us. Not just a player, but a fighter. A tireless fighter who never gives up. Calm and motivated. Reconciled to the unchangeable and irrevocable. And in reality? Exhausted. Frightened. Crying. Sometimes there is heroism, and sometimes there is no heroism, because things can be bad. And there is suffering, pain, and illness. And one dies.

Let us not put the pressure of heroism on the sick, because the one who died did not lose "the battle", he decided that way or it just happened.

All my stories are on the blog: petiteem.pl

#MentalHealth #RareDisease #ChronicIllness #Disability #Ataxia #Depression

Peace of mind is my biggest challenge because stress, depression, fears and phobias are my best friends and all my problems seem unsolvable and incurable. The body says everything is fine, and the mind thinks otherwise. It panics and creates fatal scenarios. It dominates me, not I him.

I bonded with a stalker and bully who whispered to me for years that she would come, until she finally came ... and dragged me down, even though I was already pretty down.

The spirit wants more than the body can do. Physical activity depends on health, but health also depends on physical activity. Lack of coordination, balance, agility, and regret over lost activity. Limitations and changes in perspective. Lowering expectations and increasing success factors. Functionality becomes a training goal and determines future and current exercises.

It ruined my life and put me on a losing position, deprived me of the chance to achieve my life goals, forced me to change them and focus on intellectual activities. And I helped her, too. I gave up what I was doing. For fear of losing something in the future, I lost it now. I could not go back and continue because even if the opportunities are smaller, the dreams and desires are the same. I wanted to, and I could not, but I did not know what to want either. Everything alternately and completely randomly, without any stabilization.

I am afraid for my present and future health, my finances, my attractiveness, my loneliness, my immobility, my dependence on others and for the mess my husband is in. And I must admit that the question often goes through my mind, what to do in this life for the future...

Accept the present. Yes, acceptance and surrender is a difficult thing because it means accepting the worst, fighting to the death and knowing that it may not do any good because no one knows what is happening in our lives and why. Acceptance and nothing else, because I will always be full of regrets and never forgive her, I only dream of not breaking down when the scales of victory tip to her side…

All my stories are on the blog.

#MentalHealth #RareDisease #ChronicIllness #Disability

Hey. Hi! 😊
Neurodivergent and proud ❤️
I have a White Cane too and I am not afraid, to use it!
Spinocerebellar Ataxia Type 27 ....
Challenged mobily but I am a ' Glass half full' ....as opposed to 'half empty' kinda Woman. I try and most often do keep positive, regarding my inabilities and turn them into abilities IF I can...

It's just nice to find others who share the same kind of attitude and also who find friendship while being able to be open and honest, about what affects them.

I am a Writer, Author, Poet and Mother. I am a MASSIVE believer in the Neurodiverse Movement and encourage equality and respect in everyone, for everyone.

I was seconds and inches from hitting my breaking point for far too long. I knew it was coming, just didn't know what it was going to be like. I thought I'd yell at the wrong person, or make a bad decision with ugly consequences, but no. Stressed out to the max, unable to cope, unwilling to continue on this downward spiral and fighting non-stop to hold on because there HAS to be more to life than this....

I had a stroke. It didn't hurt and I wasn't even alarmed or concerned because I didn't realize anything bad was happening. I just felt... blank. This was 2 weeks ago now and none of my stress has diminished. It has compounded actually.

I don't know what to do. Deep down inside, I know I'm dying. I don't want to though. I want to live long enough to at least figure out who tf to take this out on besides myself. I'd really like to know if I'm more angry... scared...or sad at my own loss. I hate that these words apply to my real life- I'm not just setting the scene for a character in one of my books.

I don't know what to do. Please at least tell me I'm not alone. I am feeling soooo lost right now. #TraumaticBrainInjury #PTSD #Depression #CPTSD #Ataxia #PissedOff

Today is International Ataxia Awareness Day. I have Spinocerebellar Ataxia Type 2. This is a rare disease that effects balance, speech, swallowing and gives a person terrible tremors. There are many different types of Ataxia with their own symptoms. This is just what I deal with. Did I bring awareness to anyone today?? ❤️