Beastmode

I created this character (Muninn) for Halloween of 2021. About 12 hrs of work and an amount of money I care not to admit to! Lol this character… has become my inner voice in moments where life hits a little too hard. To remind myself who I am on the inside, in my soul, while so many things feel to be chaos on the outside. My meatsuit, I’m sure, was created at time that the Matrix was down for maintenance and I happened to be the result of said glitch. At least that’s what I like to laugh about when laughter seems few and far between. Where I’m going with this is…
When I received the news that I have a rare Neurologic condition called #FunctionalNeurologicalDisorder and that the extremes of my life and unhealthy patterning essentially stems from this disorder hijacking my meatsuit, everything simultaneously made sense, and no sense at all.
I was tired.
My soul was tired.
My body and my mind were tired.
The human I am… was and still is… tired.
But the beast… she was and still is…ready.

Instantly my life changed.

Some for the worst… such as making the choice to take a medical leave of absence, with no set return date, from my career and life’s passion of being a tattoo artist.
I was prescribed a service dog for various reasons within my disabilities. Only for two weeks later to be evicted illegally by my landlord.
My car was repossessed that same week. Did I mention I’m also going through a divorce with a protection order in place due to the immense amounts of abuse I was dealt over the course of our three year relationship?! Yea, that too.
Then the cherry on top was when my kids father showed on Thanksgiving (after not seeing our kid for 3 years) high as a kite, with a firearm, and managed to finish off the evening by overdosing. He was revived in the ambulance with Narcan, and is currently serving two years + in the local county jail. With a protection order in place.
I refused to quit. All of this while managing 40 dr appts over the course of 90 days. My human self was exhausted. But, the beast, is always ready.

The score sat as of 01/01/2022…
6+ disabilities, a loving and wonderful partner. My best friend of over a decade, who swept in and took in, myself and two kids. A safe home with a safe partnership. My career hangs in the balance, however, I’m starting school in April to become an Integrative Healing Arts Practioner. I’ve filed for disability and have attorneys helping to make it stick. The car is still gone, which is no biggie due to the fact I can’t drive. My dog is healthy and happy, ready to be trained and my kids are doing wonderful.
So yes… life is tough. Especially with chronic unwellness. There is no denying or running from that.
However… each and everyone one of us a beast within. Even if you are a sweet, soft spoken, Debbie or Donald do right… you have a beast.
Find it. Name it. Create it.
So any and every time the human in you is tired, or needs a gentle shove into your life… you can close your eyes, and become.
#🤟🏻