Good morning. My name is Candice. I have Bipolar 2 with BPD. I go through more depression than anything. Just got released from the hospital. Just looking to interact with people who go through some of what I do. Sometimes I feel alone in this battle.
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Is this the way I’m meant to feel? Dosed up on happy pills and mind altering drugs. Am I an addict now because I have to take them everyday? It’s explained as being a dependence rather than a addiction. But I have to take these pills every single day, morning and night. Addiction is marked by a change in behaviour caused by the biochemical changes in the brain. Isn’t this what my medication is doing to me? Dependence is characterised by the symptoms of tolerance (the capacity to endure continued subjection to something such as a drug without adverse reaction) and withdrawal (by firstly developing a form of drug dependence. This may occur as physical dependence, psychological dependence, or both). While it is possible to have a physical dependence without being addicted, addiction is usually right around the corner.
If I miss taking my medication for a day I can feel the change in my mood. If I decided to stop taking them completely then I shudder to think of the actions I would get up to. I fear that I wouldn’t be able to function without them, be a confused and anxious person who would be at 6’s and 7’s with life. My Bipolar Disorder would become unbearable for me and I would have trouble with coping with the mania and depression. Further to this, I would put unnecessary stress onto my parents and friends. I wouldn’t be great to be around for anyone. This is only me surmising however based on the information I have been given from my Health Professionals. The only thing is that these treatments don’t put you back together as you originally were. You are remodelled, your brain chemistry altered by drug after drug after drug to become someone that looks like you, but really isn’t you.
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I see a lot of posts about planning stuff and having a routine that you adhere to. But for me at least it’s not a feasible thing to do in practice. If I plan something it just adds to the weight I’m carrying already with the multitude of things that the Bipolar brings. You can collapse under the sheer weight of your own expectations. If I’m free from a self imposed itinerary then I can do whatever as and when I see fit and want to do it. I just think that having a plan adds to the already heavy load you have to carry around with you every day.
What do you think about this? Do you think a plan is beneficial for you or do you prefer to have no plan in place and then see what happens?
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I’m not a Pharmacist or a Doctor. However, I have a degree in Medicinal Chemistry and I have found that my peers have found it beneficial when they ask me about what they have been prescribed. I’m able to put it in to Layman’s terms and not blind you with science. Having said that, there’s still a few parts that are complexed and tricky to understand. I have tried my best to simplify things best I can and if you have any questions feel free to ask me 👍
If anyone has any questions or requests regarding “Medication” then please get in touch with me and I’ll get a concise and detailed explanation back to you. I explain the history of the drug, how it works and what the side effects are. But I can tailor my response accordingly to suit your questions.
I use text books like the ones on the image above to form my explanations. I don’t just Google it as there’s a cacophony of information and noise thrown back at you when there’s very little information to make it plausible to form your explanation from as there’s two fake news posts to match the one that is validated.
As I said earlier, I’m not a qualified expert on this subject to be able to say what you need to do, however I have a degree in the Chemistry of Medicine and how it works so I can bridge the gap between what the average person understands and what the health professionals say.
I’ll never advise you to do anything that I don’t understand about the situation and I won’t tell you to do X, Y or Z without being 100% confident in my advice. If I can’t answer your question then I will do my upmost to advise or refer you to your health professionals or the relevant medical care.
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Sometimes I read positive and uplifting posts and get very scared when I realise they have no effect on me. In fact, I think to my myself, I've got nothing positive to contribute right now. This past week, I've had terrible migraines which have led to time off work and feeling depressed. I have a negative self talk tape playing over and over in my head. I feel like a failure. I feel inadequate. I wish I was a different person. I wish I was playing in a different video game. Sorry to everyone who needs uplifting stuff. All I've got is pain and sadness.
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Sometimes I read positive and uplifting posts and get very scared when I realise they have no effect on me. In fact, I think to my myself, I've got nothing positive to contribute right now. This past week, I've had terrible migraines which have led to time off work and feeling depressed. I have a negative self talk tape playing over and over in my head. I feel like a failure. I feel inadequate. I wish I was a different person. I wish I was playing in a different video game. Sorry to everyone who needs uplifting stuff. All I've got is pain and sadness.
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Better late than never but I just wanted to wish all the members of the “Living With Bipolar Disorder” group, and everyone else on the Mighty, a very, very prosperous New Year and a belting 2025 to come. Stay safe and sending love and support to everyone 🤗
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What is the Difference Between Bipolar 1 and Bipolar 2?
What is the Difference Between Bipolar 1 and Bipolar 2?
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As we prepare to welcome in the new year, what do you hope the coming year will have in store for you?
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