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Will I Ever Find Someone Who Loves Me? #Relationships #Autism #Depression

My girlfriend just broke up with me. Things moved fast. We moved in together. She has her own slew of mental health issues, but I never judged her. I helped her get her fibromayalgia pain under control. And then, I started to hear what everyone tells me. You’re around too much (I’m on Social Security Disability and can’t work). You’re too sensitive.

After having lived with my parents all of my 33 years on Earth, I got my first taste of what being independent was like. And for a while, I felt what having someone who cares about and loves you feels like.

Now I’ll have to move back in with my parents who are often cold, distant and unloving. The group of friends I made through her I don’t think I can bring myself to hang with. It would just be too awkward. So I’m right back in the dark. Forced to either find some awkward way to meet people like library events, or shut myself back in my room and play video games all day.

What’s the point, I keep asking myself. Maybe I was always meant to be alone. Is it so bad to not have any friends. Or to be single for life?

There’s more to my story. Just briefly, in addition to my autism I’m also a childhood brain tumor survivor.

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Life with chronic illnesses

Hello my name is Jen. I’m a mother of two adult sons and a wife to an amazing husband of 20 years . I have been sick since I can remember but when it all began was when I passed out at a funeral when I was 12. I saw my pediatrician and after complaining of excessive headaches and nosebleeds they did a mri and found a mass in my nasal pharnx area. It was removed and thankfully benign. But after that everything went down hill. Off an on strange symptoms for many years. Ranging from rashes , losing the ability to use my right side , passing out, needing iv therapy weekly for months , severe growing pains, loss of vision in right eye episode , at 18 was dx with degenerative disc disease of my entire spine . Dx with raynaurds in my teens. Then came a dx of MS at 19 while I was pregnant with my first son. After that it was all down hill. Spending a lot of time in and out of the hospital seeing all kinds of doctors endless tests . Surgeries . Thyroid and gallbladder removed . Dx so many diff things the list just kept growing . But never any rhyme or reason. Medications , feeding tubes, pic lines, ports , sepsis, bacteremias , just seems to never end . But here I am 44 and still endless tests , more dx’s, more hospitals stays , infections , flare ups. Difference is I’m weaker due to more time in bed due to more pain which leads to muscle wasting , weight gain, depression ofcourse I’m stuck inside all the time who wouldn’t be depressed . Keeping it real. Our son was dx with a brain tumor at 17 and has had two major brain surgeries , they were able to remove it all and he’s doing well. He’s a fighter so strong. He suffers from epilepsy really bad since he was dx with the brain tumor. They finally just got the medications right and he’s not having them as constant now. But as a mom you want to be able to be there for your children and it’s hard knowing I can’t physically . Thankgod for my husband and his girlfriend . Other than that this is my life. At least for right now🙃🙃🙃🙃

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Needing change and finding people who see love in different situations

I have had a lot going on in the last year or two (especially lol). I always have as I have chronic health issues: NF1, chronic pain, migraine, asthma, major depression, and generalized anxiety. I have realized that I endured events that were traumatic but didn't want to label it as such at the time. But I was having a conversation the other day with my therapist and they told me that I need people in my life who see the love in everything. That really hit me. My parents have always seen the love in everything. However, I realize that in past relationships the people haven't always seen the love in everything. And I need more of that as I try to do that for other people. I need people that are accepting and understanding of me as a whole, imperfect person and my health struggles. People that show up consistently. I don't know anyone with NF1 or chronic pain and would like to make friends with them. I'd like to make friends with people who see the love and hope in everything, even in the worst situations. So this is sort of an invite for conversation. And I'm curious how have you cultivated relationships with these individuals or with individuals that have the same conditions as you? I look forward to hearing what everyone has to say and hope you all are having a good day! Thank you 🙂

#NeurofibromatosisType1 #NF1 #Neurofibromatosis #braintumors #ChronicPain #Depression #Anxiety #Asthma #Trauma #change

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Few things to know about Depression


Depression (major depressive disorder) is a common and serious medical illness that negatively affects how you feel, the way you think and how you act. Fortunately, it is also treatable. Depression causes feelings of sadness and/or a loss of interest in activities you once enjoyed. It can lead to a variety of emotional and physical problems and can decrease your ability to function at work and at home.

Depression symptoms can vary from mild to severe and can include:

-Feeling sad or having a depressed mood

-Loss of interest or pleasure in activities once enjoyed

-Changes in appetite — weight loss or gain unrelated to dieting

-Trouble sleeping or sleeping too much

-Loss of energy or increased fatigue

-Increase in purposeless physical activity (e.g., inability to sit still, pacing, handwringing) or slowed movements or speech (these actions must be severe enough to be observable by others)

-Feeling worthless or guilty

-Difficulty thinking, concentrating or making decisions

-Thoughts of death or suicide

Symptoms must last at least two weeks and must represent a change in your previous level of functioning for a diagnosis of depression.

Also, medical conditions (e.g., thyroid problems, a brain tumor or vitamin deficiency) can mimic symptoms of depression so it is important to rule out general medical causes.

Depression affects an estimated one in 15 adults (6.7%) in any given year. And one in six people (16.6%) will experience depression at some time in their life. Depression can occur at any time, but on average, first appears during the late teens to mid-20s. Women are more likely than men to experience depression. Some studies show that one-third of women will experience a major depressive episode in their lifetime. There is a high degree of heritability (approximately 40%) when first-degree relatives (parents/children/siblings) have depression.

You can refer to this:

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Why me? # I have three disabilities not one!

#BipolarDisorder not just bipolar disorder but Ankylosing Spondylitis and brain trauma. They are the mighty three. They have ruled me since 1974. They tell me there a trigger for my bipolar disorder, and that brain tumor AVM deadly until the surgeon removed it and replaced it with foam, and included a titanium plate in my skull, and doctors say it was there from birth and a trigger made it grow. Two triggers and one that hit me hard one morning when I couldn’t get out of bed. I just thought I had slept crowded up against the wall. That one has grown worse and worse over my life from age 39 until now age 71. If I live long enough I won’t be able to move. I am truly disabled with three serious illnesses and I have to fight the insurance company for my pain medication!


In medical limbo

Had an EEG last Thursday. Reason is falls & other symptoms. I know the results can help diagnose dementia , brain tumors & dementia along with other things. My brother died from a brain tumor last month, seizures would mean no driving & loss of independence. Dementia is the most terrifying. I will stockpile meds if I have this. I’ve seen it play out, not for me
#Waiting anxiously


When hydrotherapy takes you into a 6 hour E.R. visit! Yep, no more therapy in heated water.

So, my hydrotherapy that I wanted so long turned out to be a bit of a physical nightmare. I think I had 6 sessions so far. Five in the heated tank and one I pushed them for when the heat wasn’t working (cold) water. Yes, the cold was the best for my body as I thought it would be. Out of six sessions. Fifty percent of them I went in on a rollator/cane and came out the same way. Fifty percent of them left me unable to walk at all and required a wheelchair to leave. Two times while in the tank my body went into major immediate symptoms that required the tank to be drained and getting me out right now. Last week, my session ended abruptly requiring the therapist to call for help and a wheelchair to get me to the emergency room immediately. Six hours later I was on my way home.

The bad news: Each hydrotherapy session in heated water quite literally felt like it tortured my body. Not just for the session but for the rest of the day and two to three days afterwards. Then, it was time to go again and do it all over. I’ve been telling my neurologist for the entire time that my body is suffering immensely with heat/humidity!! I KNOW. I know because I live in a home without a/c or central air, and the summer’s that I’ve lived for my whole life are now intolerable in every way. Why is my voice not heard?

The good news: I don’t have a brain tumor (they did a ct scan), not that I thought I did. I didn’t have a stroke.

The e.r. Dept wants the doc to continue looking at ms and autoimmune illnesses. She also said that the spine stimulator in my body that I’m currently not using NEEDS to be removed. I’ve nobody to do that and who’s going to pay for it?

Now, the therapy department informed me that they will not allow me to continue hydrotherapy at all. They believe that something is attacking my nerves. Umm 🤔 yes, I believe that as well! I feel like my doc does not listen to me at all.

It’s all ground or machine therapy from here on out. This will be so challenging as well seeing how my body can only walk 15-20 minutes max before my feet fold under, the numbness, pain and burning take over 2/3 of my body and I become unable to walk no matter if I’m using a rollator or not. I keep having vision episodes, facial numbing, head tingling and on and in it goes, along with limbs full of numbness and weakness the pain is severe and it is daily.

Today, I’ve therapy in the afternoon, then it’s my sleep deprived eeg in the morning. Wow, what fun I’m going to have in the next 24 hours (my body), NOT! How I’m going to stay awake is the question of the day? Oh hell. 😬 Wish me luck you beautiful people!💕
#MightyTogether #Undiagnosed #CheckInWithMe #MultipleHealthChallenges


Totally confused

#PseudotumorCerebri . I was diagnosed a month ago and boy has it been miserable. However they didn’t exactly tell me what it is just that fluid builds up creating pressure. One if my friends says it’s like having a brain tumor without the tumor. Which I can believe. So can someone explain what this is to me please.