Cognitive Disorders

I don’t know how to survive day to day any more. I tried to end things not long ago. Didn’t work. Anyway. For a while now I’ve known that I’m never not going to be a burden. There just isn’t a world where I’m not in pain and am expected to hide it or downplay it for other peoples comfort. So not worth it. Especially on top of being severely disabled. Anyway just venting. But in so much pain. But planning to live for a bit longer through summer. Just would like to meet someone like me. Haven’t talked to a single person who understands. Don’t think I ever will. Never imagined this much suffering was possible.

#severedepression #Depression #schizoaffective #SchizoaffectiveDisorder #moodswings #CognitiveDisorders #dissociativedisorders #DissociationDisorders #Isolation #Suicide #MentalHealth #Bipolar2Disorder #Pain #AnorexiaNervosa #Disability #CGL #CPTSD #Caregiving #Support #SupportGroups #CheckInWithMe #Psychosis #Schizophrenia #venting #Anxiety #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder

I work at a company I’ve been with going on 25 years & about 2 years ago I was “re-organized “, and recently I have been given a discipline & performance plan because I have not met deadlines. Now, I get the work done but not when my boss expects. I’m expected to get the same amount of work done in the same amount of time as my peers. This seems as it should not be allowed? I have a documented medical condition, so how can this be okay?
#MightyMinute

Check out the top 10 tools and techniques used in Cognitive Behavior

Therapy (CBT) for resolving various cognitive issues here-

www.swasth.co/blog/tools-and-techniques-used-in-cbt

#CognitiveDisorders #CBT

Background: I've been in a long-term relationship with a man for 15 years and he has been my carer and basically only friend. He has supported me Emotionally, physically and financially with surviving cancer, alcohol & drug addiction, and lifelong severe psychiatric and neurological disabilities that have deteriorated to the point that I can't work, function and barely leave the house as well as SH, suicide attempts and long hospitalization. He has some serious health conditions himself that I have tried to support him as best I can and he doesn't take care of himself or take his meds without my prompting.

The problem: I have always known I was attracted to women but told myself (and others) that I'm 'bi' because I was afraid to come out and I tried to tell myself that my feelings for my partner were the real deal because I cared about him deeply and we had been through so much together. He even knows that I have had relationships with women, before him and during a trial separation. I even refer to myself as 'queer' but as long as I'm in a hetero relationship I have to hide the fact that I've known for a long time that I'm a lesbian and *only* romantically and sexually attracted to women.
I hate lying and desperately want to be authentic but I don't want to hurt him. I care deeply for him, especially after all he has done and we've been through together and I worry that he will become unwell again. And honestly, selfishly, I don't want to be alone with no support - my conditions make it highly unlikely that I could take care of myself, let alone ever meet another woman like me, and even less likely that they would want to be with me.

I don't know if my rambling makes sense but I don't know what to do. Come out and lose him and be alone or stay closeted and keep my best friend and carer? Does this make me a horrible, selfish person? Has anyone been through something similar/can relate?

#LGBTQ #Lesbian #Relationships #Bipolar1Disorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #MentalHealth #CPTSD #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #SocialPhobia #cervicalcancersurvivor #FunctionalNeurologicalDisorder #TemporalLobeEpilepsy #MigraineWithAura #CognitiveDisorders #Isolation #Selfharm #SuicideSurvivor

Today is a day off for me and it’s been a good day. I have completed MOST of the task I wanted to do today. It just made me think wow yesterday I would have jumped off a bridge and today I woke and was able to function fairly normally. The swings are what I would like to most put in the past. I have been self educating myself and maintaining with minimal help from a professional or outside help. I have tried to work more hours but my body will not. So I don’t want to file for ssdi, because of course that would give me a sense that I have given up on life. And my problem is I have some cognitive issues that are also embrassing that keeps me from being the old assertive me. Which hindsight was covered in the secrets I held. Omg laying this all out in words is so difficult. I can’t communicate well at all. I am done bye for now. #Shame #ChildhoodSexualAbuse #CognitiveDisorders #Hotmess #Anxiety

Today- anxiety.. let's call it ... episode, from about 5-10pm. If it could flare- it did; If it could attack-it did. #Anxiety #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #CognitiveDisorders #PanicAttacks #ChronicAnxiety #ChronicOrthostaticIntolerance #BrainFog #RaynaudsPhenomenon

I emotionally put my partner through alot, throw in #Allodynia and #Fibromyalgia annnnnd we have full on sensory and cognitive overload. I'm inincapable of speech until I'm not and I'm an incoherent self defeatist sobbing mess, followed by outrageously apologetic. WHY BODY WHY!? Knock it off already so I can discover sleep and the strength to fight the resulting lows tomorrow!!!

Ever since I got diagnosed with bpd and I discovered the term favorite person I’ve been doubting my love for my boyfriend. We’ve been through so much together good and bad. I’m pretty sure I’m in love with him but I keep thinking “what if I’m just using him because I’m so attached to him?” I struggle with cognitive distortions and I know it might be that but it makes me so upset. He is the first person who has made me feel loved (romantically) and I’m the same to him.

(I consider him my first love even tho I’ve said I love you before (but that shit was more like obsession and infatuation and I didn’t really know the guy I barely talked to him in person we were just texting) but I’m not his first love tho (I’m just the first girl who actually loved him).)

Maybe I should focus on the fact that he knows how much I love him even tho I’m not sure myself at the moment? #CognitiveDisorders #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #SelfDoubt

“Can the Flu and Other Viruses Cause Neurodegeneration?”
www.the-scientist.com/features/can-the-flu-and-other-viruses...

This is some food for thought for anyone out there with an “inorganic” or undiagnosed neurological and cognitive condition, or for people with known neurodegenerative diseases. Check it out!!:)

I've had a really bad flare up with my back since March (#DegenerativeDiscDisease ) and the pain has been so bad in the last month it's affecting my ability to complete tasks (I feel like I have ADD at times). It's also affecting my ability to do all of the steps it takes to complete details oriented tasks at my job. I'm a very positive person and I like to focus on what I can do and I believe my body has the ability to heal. Right now I'm so frustrated with my body not being able to do what I want it to AND my mind not having the capacity that it once did. I'm only 38 and I feel like a prisoner in my own body right now. I'm really trying not to have a pity party, but rather to keep my spirits up and find ways to ensure that I can keep my job and still function at the capacity that I know I'm capable of. Asking for help is one of my hardest things to do and my biggest lesson of my traumatic back injury I had 5.5 years ago that revealed all of these health challenges to me. What do you do to stay focused and present? Thank you for your support. P.S. silly memes, corny jokes and positive affirmations are all welcome too. 🙏🏼