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I found an old video of me talking when I was happy. I was talking about going to see a wedding venue. We split up this year. What bothers me is how happy I look, my mannerisms. I feel like complete opposite person.. I don't speak confidently or smile or be confident like that. It's so unbearable to be where I am right now. I feel like I will never be happy and sometimes I wish I could end it all. #Suicide #breakup #Homeless

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Struggling to express myself, stay positive etc. Sometimes I feel like I'm drowning under the weight of my mum's expectations. Like noone understands.

Am staying in temp accommodation and my whole life has changed dramatically last 6 months and still trying to process (Inc suicide attempts).
My ex is the only one who doesn't have expectations of me so I've been leaning on him. I don't care if you're not supposed to. I have noone else.

This is one of the hardest times of my life and my mum in particular tries but I always end up upset when I see her. She doesn't listen/we're not in same wavelength. She tells me what to do and just dismisses my fears and makes Mr feel stupid. In turn I often storm out which isn't good either but I can't take much more at the moment.

#Stress #Bipolar #Homeless #Depression

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Phone calls from unknown

So about half an hour ago I got a phone call from a number that I didn't recognise and for some stupid reason my anxiety started acting up. Why though!? I answered the phone call anyway and it turned out to be good news! Finally some good news after being in a dark place for the last days. The application for temporary unemployment benefits is finally accepted! (In the Netherlands it's called "bijstandsuitkering" and I don't really know the right translation for it.)

Which means it's getting a lot easier now to find a place to live as I'm currently homeless and staying at a Nightshelter and spending my days at a Dayshelter from Monday until Friday. The weekends are absolutely horrible, because the Dayshelter is then closed and I just have to spend my days outside. It's like you're not allowed to be homeless between 9:00 and 16:00 during holidays and weekends.

Anyway, does anybody else react the same when your phone starts ringing and you see that an unknown number is calling you? It wasn't even anonymous, I could see the number, but I'm still dealing with the effects of my anxiety now...

#Anxiety #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Depression #goodnews #Benefits #darkplace #Homeless

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How? #ability #DisabilityAdvocacy #Disability #Homeless #Cancer #ChildLoss

Early in my injury journey, while on a walk in the woods I met someone that inspired this. Meeting him helped me understand, that as bad as my situation was, things can be more difficult. I also realized that knowing this didn’t lessen what I was experiencing. Click the link the read the full story that led up to How. How?


Yesterday we had our first experience walking through the Assiniboine Forest.   For my wife and I it was an opportunity to walk our senior black lab some place she hadn’t explored be…
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What is the lowest point in your life?!

What is the lowest point in your life?!

Me?! Im having that right now..

Im 30 years old and for the past 6 days Im living and sleeping in a homeless shelter.

Did I get here by choice? No..

I trusted someone for the past 8 years, believed Im safe and cared for,while I also work on my mental health and then he just decides its over and I need to leave..

I really want to let my BPD talk and say: 'This is what you get for trusting people. Never trust people ever again!'

But I know better, sort of, just really hard to see light at the end of the tunnel, where everything is safe again, and I believe and trust someone.

#BPD #Homeless #Trust

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I pretty much blown threw my money real quick this month. It didn't last long. Well March is a long month. So im lucky i have enough money for tommorry. My dad gave me money to get some cat food at the store and something for dinner. When i came out. This lady was standing outside holding a sign. Asking for money. I said I'M sorry i don't have any change. (well wasn't mine to give). And she said i think. You can afford to give/i only need one thing." I again said sorry, I don't think people should be allowed to hassle people coming out to do shopping. I mean honestly with the prices of everything going up. It's hard to live. She just made me feel so guilty and bad. I'M really sorry and i would like to help. I just haviong a hard time. I'm not good with money sometimes. Anyways. It makes me #anxious and so much #Anxiety going to stores now. The world needs a good system to help people. So they don't need to do this. #TheMighty #MightyTogether #MentalHealth #Depression #Homeless

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No one is helping me

I don’t know what to do. No one is helping me. My #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #CPTSD are interfering with my ability to process, make decision, and remember information. I am #Homeless and #Disabled
I am supposed to be receiving services.

I feel like I’m in shock. I do not have the resources to navigate this.

I need help. Not “file a grievance we will respond within 21 days help.” I need concrete, competent, real help.

I feel crazy. I don’t know what to do.

I contacted several people today who should be able to do something and they either treated me like I was irrational or I got the fun silence of “idk wtf to do, hopefully she contacted someone else so I don’t have to deal with it.” I feel like my entire team of professionals has abandoned me when I need it most. I don’t understand how this is real.

I cannot move, I cannot think, I cannot eat, and I haven’t been able to stop shaking.

I’m tired of explaining to crisis workers why going to the hospital and lying about my symptoms (specially- telling them I’m suicidal when I’m not) is not an appropriate or acceptable suggestion to me getting help because that is dangerous. I cannot keep explaining why going to the shelters in this area are not viable options for me due to my #Agoraphobia #ChronicMigraines and #PanicAttacks

I’m just supposed to accept this because there aren’t resources.

5 reactions 1 comment