Complex Post-traumatic Stress Disorder

I wonder if they feel guilty over playing with my https://life.I was to be phased out, pushed aside but I caught on.im only here out of being https://stuck.Typically he'd have the taxes completely done, signed and waiting fir his deposit.Now, he Is https://delaying.I have a feeling something big is going to come https://out.The secrets and lies have been https://endless.I will be fine and I will move out, take care of myself and start over.it is going to be scary but I need it.

I wonder if they feel guilty over playing with my https://life.I was to be phased out, pushed aside but I caught on.im only here out of being https://stuck.Typically he'd have the taxes completely done, signed and waiting fir his deposit.Now, he Is https://delaying.I have a feeling something big is going to come https://out.The secrets and lies have been https://endless.I will be fine and I will move out, take care of myself and start over.it is going to be scary but I need it.

I used to have titles.Climbed the ladder from nametags to negotiating administrative benefit packages and without a degree. I started working young.The food industry was easy and titles were Cook or manager.in education, I never wanted to be a T.A.,that was earned and given over years of classroom hours.I had been in Early Childhood development for years,after classes.I ended in Behavior.Certifications,trainings all provided by NYS.Head Start and Early Intervention, when the school closed.Titles are for Academia and class climbers.Judgeful and shamefuls, in my opinion.If my name isnt sufficient and you need a title,I have one.I am an artist, a woman, a mother.I am not employeed.That does not negate my value or opinion.I once was employeed, for over forty years.I put in my time.my title now,shouldn't matter.
I am a person starting over, Trainee.

I used to have titles.Climbed the ladder from nametags to negotiating administrative benefit packages and without a degree. I started working young.The food industry was easy and titles were Cook or manager.in education, I never wanted to be a T.A.,that was earned and given over years of classroom hours.I had been in Early Childhood development for years,after classes.I ended in Behavior.Certifications,trainings all provided by NYS.Head Start and Early Intervention, when the school closed.Titles are for Academia and class climbers.Judgeful and shamefuls, in my opinion.If my name isnt sufficient and you need a title,I have one.I am an artist, a woman, a mother.I am not employeed.That does not negate my value or opinion.I once was employeed, for over forty years.I put in my time.my title now,shouldn't matter.
I am a person starting over, Trainee.

How are you? Are you happy?
Have you been sleeping and getting enough to eat?Are you at peace.
Have you met with your family?Has your spouse been helpful? Do you have enough support,emotionally? Are you going to therapy or any groups? Have you given yourself grace? Have you questioned your motives? Have you looked back or ahead? How do you feel after seeing the end of an era?How do you see change?Where would you like to be and how would it be different?

How are you? Are you happy?
Have you been sleeping and getting enough to eat?Are you at peace.
Have you met with your family?Has your spouse been helpful? Do you have enough support,emotionally? Are you going to therapy or any groups? Have you given yourself grace? Have you questioned your motives? Have you looked back or ahead? How do you feel after seeing the end of an era?How do you see change?Where would you like to be and how would it be different?

Today,was my wedding anniversary.it was not like the others.We have been apart for years.I went outside after begging and he threw in the towel before my Disability was approved.He thought I'd "be better" by now.I have an inoperable cerebral AVM that has been deconstructing for a couple years.I have some thing, that, does not, get better, just maintenance.He hates me for getting sick,not being able to bounce back I guess.I don't know.He literally has no care for me.I want to be cared for.is that wrong? Not coddled or babied but cared about,cared for.I stopped asking him for help.today I had to ask for money, talk about demeaning,I was beside myself, but I did it.I wish there were words that would help him understand, this is because of us.Not me, or my brain or the doctors, appointments or medications.it is Us.Am I waiting for a answer, no.A break, no.I have been in therapy for four years.If, he Is,Not, going to attend,what is my point in trying to rebuild? That,is my answer.it is not my job to teach someone what I am currently learning,is it? If I'm trying to navigate my own? I am going through it alone, still.He feels because he was physically here that I was not.I was, I am, alone in this.I have been, emotionally yes, spiritually no and that has been my grace to others.I am unable, myself to be there for some, I get the contradiction.But my spouse, it was brief and came with conditions from his mother.Not the anniversary I imagined.Tomorrow will be better Tomorrow is new and I will get through another week.

Today,was my wedding anniversary.it was not like the others.We have been apart for years.I went outside after begging and he threw in the towel before my Disability was approved.He thought I'd "be better" by now.I have an inoperable cerebral AVM that has been deconstructing for a couple years.I have some thing, that, does not, get better, just maintenance.He hates me for getting sick,not being able to bounce back I guess.I don't know.He literally has no care for me.I want to be cared for.is that wrong? Not coddled or babied but cared about,cared for.I stopped asking him for help.today I had to ask for money, talk about demeaning,I was beside myself, but I did it.I wish there were words that would help him understand, this is because of us.Not me, or my brain or the doctors, appointments or medications.it is Us.Am I waiting for a answer, no.A break, no.I have been in therapy for four years.If, he Is,Not, going to attend,what is my point in trying to rebuild? That,is my answer.it is not my job to teach someone what I am currently learning,is it? If I'm trying to navigate my own? I am going through it alone, still.He feels because he was physically here that I was not.I was, I am, alone in this.I have been, emotionally yes, spiritually no and that has been my grace to others.I am unable, myself to be there for some, I get the contradiction.But my spouse, it was brief and came with conditions from his mother.Not the anniversary I imagined.Tomorrow will be better Tomorrow is new and I will get through another week.