Confusion

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    Community Voices

    Confused

    Why do I feel like I'm more at ease with keeping my own personal things about my life and thoughts (the more personal ones) for myself, instead of telling other people in my life about it too - the moment I do, I feel like how they take what I said turns into a new reality, made by them, which starts to attack mine - and this leaves me confused. I'm not sure about what my feelings, emotions and thoughts truly are, truly were when I first made those decisions, and before telling them about these same decisions, if I'm losing focus because I'm being carried away by how others view my life or just what I said about it to them.
    This scares me more than I admit, because, since other people are always involved, I fear that I might do the wrong things, make the wrong decisions, involving their lifes too, while I may not be the real me. Maybe I'm just confused, my mind sais, so I should think carefully before taking steps in my life - and the moment I take them, my whole reality sturts to crumble and I start questioning.
    Does this make sense to anyone else? Not sure I really described the whole thing properly, though
    #Confusion #Reality #Doubt #Identity #Questioning #feelings #Decisions #Emotions #people

    Community Voices

    Pressing on?

    #Mania #Depression # bipolar # paranoia #Confusion #PTSD
    2 years ago I had a traumatic experience. My first bipolar manic episode. I couldn’t think, time went away, I didn’t know where I was, I blacked out, didn’t eat, didn’t sleep, and worst of all had horrific hallucinations and delusions. The degree of terror to which I experienced then has gone away, but the fear, the paranoia, the not being able to think straight, that remains. It makes functioning and doing simple tasks really hard. It means not wanting to get up and communication breakdown with loved ones . I have suicidal thoughts all the time because everything is so hard (and I know that’s just life.) but I feel like I’m on a tight rope and any moment things could go to hell. I try to explain what I feel and what goes on in my brain but it’s no use . Most folks don’tunderstand unless they are going through it themselves. I don’t know how to press on.

    2 people are talking about this
    Community Voices
    Community Voices

    Break down

    I finally reach my break down today.
    I cried , feels so much better after i hold it for i dont know how long maybe a month or so.
    Everything not in a good place right now.
    I had a bad day, i feel defeated.
    I feel like shit just keep going down right now, I have no desire to work at all.
    I just wanna be on the bed.
    I dont wanna do anything, i feel shit.
    I'm sad and actually lost.
    I had an anxiety attack when i was driving back home, not good.
    I never experienced this much.
    I've been having this anxiety attack for the past few days, it is bad I don't like it.
    My chest always feels like filling up, but i dont know what it is.
    I have so much things going on with work, but also it is hard to explain. The feeling just never wanna go away even I've tried.#Depression #Anxiety #Confusion

    7 people are talking about this
    Community Voices
    Akhp

    How to respond when your anxiety/depression and meds are said to be the cause of everything!

    I’m sad. I don’t know another word for my feelings right now. I haven’t felt good for this one day week. My BF says that I’m sick due to the meds I’m taking (I’ve been on the same for years) and because I don’t feel like going out…that it’s due to my “depression”..when I honestly don’t think that’s it. I am starting to feel like HE is using my anxiety against me. He says “I look a certain way”…(which apparently I have a massive RBF) when there is absolutely nothing wrong with me. I don’t know what to say back anymore. #Depression #Anxiety #Relationships #Confusion

    9 people are talking about this
    Community Voices

    Dream vs Reality

    Recently started having trouble distinguishing if what I am doing / did in a dream or reality. Does anyone else experience this? #Anxiety #BipolarDisorder #Confusion

    4 people are talking about this
    Community Voices
    Community Voices

    MY JOURNAL ENTRY DURING A TRIGGERED STATE-LAST MONTH. #triggered #CPTSD #outofreality #distortedtime #Confusion

    Time is passing by,
    I see the clock change,
    Suddenly, I become aware of time,
    I LOOK,
    There is DARKNESS OUTSIDE,
    there is LIGHT,
    My mom and dad are UP.
    LIGHTS are ON.
    LIGHTS are OFF.
    My parents are EATING.
    THEY are LEAVING the house- church I guess… This EBBING AND FLOWING OF TIME, is NOT as a CLOCK hand, STEADILY clicks.
    IT happens SUDDENLY, ERRATICALLY, with NO, RHYME or REASON.
    Time is so DREAMY, so DISTORTED,
    no matter, what EVENTS ARE AT PLAY.
    I think to LOOK UP,
    I see…. all my BEDROOM LIGHTS ON,
    as I WORK, on the task at hand,
    I LOOK OUTSIDE,
    AND SEE DARKNESS, the clock says 3AM!
    I walk into, the rest of the HOUSE,
    EVERY LIGHT IS OFF!
    I could have SWORN WE JUST ATE LUNCH,
    WHERE did everyone GO?
    What happened to the SUN?
    What happened to the CLOCK?
    Is this an ILLUSION?
    or is it a TRICK of the MIND?
    I NEVER really KNOW anymore,
    They ALWAYS prove ME WRONG!
    I could ACCUSE, conspiracy,
    But, how does one, CONSPIRE,
    with DAY AND NIGHT HERSELF?
    I will NOT APPROACH, the subject,
    But, I am growing weary, and dazed……
    By TIME…SHIFTING….on ..ME!
    Leaving me… UNSURE….and CONFUSED!….
    DAY, is not separated from NIGHT.
    I do NOT know when it TIME to EAT.
    I do NOT know when to SLEEP.
    I do NOT know the SEPARATION of DAYS….
    WHETHER or not I I have showered…
    OR done my ADL’s…
    I think the,
    TIME CONTINUUM, HAS BEEN WARPED! #triggered #CPTSD #outofreality #distortedtime #Confusion

    1 person is talking about this
    Community Voices

    If a could to join correctly all these thoughts... I thinkn I will reveal what I want #mindpuzzle

    <p>If a could to join correctly all these thoughts... I thinkn I will reveal what I want <a class="tm-topic-link ugc-topic" title="mindpuzzle" href="/topic/mindpuzzle/" data-id="60a39c3ac9c6f8010b107452" data-name="mindpuzzle" aria-label="hashtag mindpuzzle">#mindpuzzle</a> </p>
    3 people are talking about this
    Community Voices

    Really struggling

    Just really need support. This is the first time since Covid started that I'm genuinely terrified I have it. I'm getting a test at 3pm today. I'm doing the best I can to stay calm. I feel like I'm losing my grip on reality. Whether I have it or not, I'm not doing well. I'm really not doing well. I feel isolated and alone. I don't know who to trust. And normally, I'd go visit friends in my time of need. But of course, that's not safe. Not right now. I'm exhausted. And I'm exhausted from worry. I did talk to a friend on the phone this morning. That helped quite a bit. But I feel trapped. Trapped and terrified. Terrified of all the things I can't control. I'm spinning. But I'm breathing. I'm practicing my breathing. I'm resting. My body hurts. So much. I've been in an internal battle my whole life. And I'm exhausted. I'm so tired. And I just want safety. Safety. Safety. Safety. I'm trying. I'm trying to create safety in my life. Externally, I've come a long way. I'm safer than I was. But my inner world is still so upsetting. And I'm discombobulated. Unsure what's true and what's a lie. I need to focus on facts. What I know is true. It's true that I'm an adult... even though I don't feel like one. It's true I have resources now that I didn't have as a child. It's true I've learned a lot and come a long way. But the rage! The rage! It's so strong within me. Rage at the teauma! Rage at my past! Rage at my present. Sigh. Radical acceptance. I know. I must radically accept where I am. I am where I am. This is my best right now. And it's beyond painful. 😭 #Confusion #Fear #terror #Pain #BPD #alone #Splitting #Rage #Trauma

    4 people are talking about this