Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

It has been 3 years to the day since I broke up with my abusive ex girlfriend and I found my soulmate the woman I was praying to come into my life she came into my life like she always belonged there she reversed years of mental and physical abuse she picked up the pieces of my broken heart and put it back together she has shown me that all the lies my ex told me about myself were simply not true she is truly an Angel she came into my life when I was at my lowest and in a very dark place and gave me a reason to smile again we started out as friends then boyfriend and girlfriend now we are engaged before I met her the future really scared me now I can finally say thanks to her I look forward to the future and all it will bring us for such a long time my ex would not leave me alone she would bother me at work she would bother me out in public I got news today from a friend that she has moved to Seattle now I can finally put that horrible chapter in my life to rest and look to the future with optimism with my amazing fiancé

My ex came to my work place again that’s nothing new normally she comes up to me screaming at me saying things like this she still loves me and saying I don’t love her meaning my fiancé my ex was honestly the worst thing to have ever come into my life she would hit me when we argued when I wouldn’t buy her things and I mean expensive things and if all the physical abuse wasn’t enough for me to deal with the mental abuse was just as bad she would saying things to try to mess with my head the night we broke up when I finally couldn’t take her many forms of abuse any more she started screaming at me saying no woman will ever love you your not good enough your going to die alone and when I did meet my new girlfriend now fiancé she basically came into my life picked up the broken pieces and put them back together and fixed everything my ex broke my fiancé is the kind of woman I was waiting for sorry for such a long post but you need to know the back story so my ex came to my job today and came up to me and smiled and had the nerve to call my fiancé well let’s just say certain words you don’t call a woman and say I’m still in love with her meaning my ex should I tell my fiancé what happened or just not mention it sorry again for the long post thanks for your advice

I have self-harm thoughts, fear of germs and diseases and taboo thoughts that make me feel like a monster. It's been particularly hard during my first medication because paroxetine gave me a lot of side effects and worsened the thoughts.
I found relief watching anything on TV, playing games on my cellphone or bingewatching YouTube video.
In the worst cases I do a thing that I call "Lip-sync for my life". I close my eyes, put on my earphone, play my favorite playlist and lip-sync at top of my energy, trying to get fully lost in the music. It helps me a lot, I hope It can help you all as well.

Another thing that helped me a lot, mainly around the period of my self-awareness through the first encounter with a therapist and the diagnosis, has been documenting about mental illness through autobiographical graphic novel (I suggest "Fun home" and "Are you my mother?" by Allison Bechdel and "Marbles: mania, depression, Michelangelo and me" by Ellen Forney, among others) and comedy tv series like #CrazyExGirlfriend and Lady Dinamite with #MariaBamford and the web series Just between us.

I'm also a PC Gamer and in those periods when the thoughts became too much I find difficult to even focus on a narrative-driven game. I prefer relaxing little gems like "A short hike" or creative sandbox games like "Occupy White Walls", described as Minecraft for museums. The last one lets you create your own art gallery out of a database of paintings and architecture. It's pretty amazing, but maybe a bit addictive.

Hope at least one of my suggestions is useful for you. Leave in the comments if they worked or if you have more tips to share. Hugs!

I just want to start new. To move somewhere where no one knows me and I can start a new identity. I don’t want to be the #CrazyExGirlfriend #depressed #Explosive #angry person anymore. Has anyone had luck starting anew in their #30s ? Is this just a fantasy?