Cursed

...doesnt mean i dont have to do my half of the chores. Well, more than half really as im the landlady. So after a few days of #Procrastinating and a few days of feeling bad for doing that i told myself: Just vacuum one room today. My 25 yr old tenant will walk in and think i STILL have not vacuumed and will probably be annoyed but whatever. So i vacuumed the room, #Cursed !, #SWORE !, vacuumed the #Cat post, cried out! Changed the vacuum bag. Now im going to rest for a bit and then do a load of laundry 👍
#ChronicPain

I think the hardest part about #Anxiety , #Depression , #PanicDisorder, any mental health issue really... Is that the world don't stop.

The world doesn't care that you're having a hard time. The world doesn't care that you have a giant ball of misunderstood #Rage burning in your soul, that you can't always "get over", or "let go" or "grow out of".

The world doesn't care that you are #exhausted from being up all night biting the skin off your fingers where nails used to be, up crying into your pillow all night because you can't seem to be the person you want to be or even be "#normal " for one day. The world don't care if you've slept or not.

The world doesn't care that your body feels like it's shutting down because your never ending anxiety has all your muscles so tense all the time that you just feel like a #Demon is literally sitting on your shoulders, that you can physically feel the weight of your demons dragging you down.

The world doesn't care if you are having a panic attack right before you go into work, and that you feel like you're about to die, ("oh but for real this time, this time it's different I really think I'm going to #Die ).

The world doesn't care that your arms and legs are going #numb and your vision is #blurry and you're starting to see in #tunnelvision , the world won't stop. The world doesn't care that your anxiety is so bad that you just feel like everything is going around you and you are on #Autopilot from having to do things you don't want to do so much day in and day out day, and you question, is this even real?

The world don't care that you can't focus on anything because you have a million things running through your mind. "Quit living in the past" the world will say. "You are being over dramatic" the world will say. "It's all in your head!" The world will say.

No shit.

But oh, they must have never been #Cursed by a past that molded your future, in this #Reality , in this world, that will not stop.

I know that feeling all too well. Where you just wish the whole world would stop, just for one minute so you can gather your thoughts, #Breathe , and remind yourself that it's okay.

I know how it feels, I #struggle every day, and I know that this feeling will probably never completely go away, and I know that the world will never stop, but I have high hopes that one day I can atleast keep up.

I was diagnosed with BPD while in an mentally, emotionally, and sexually abusive marriage, then said partner (ex husband) and following partner physically abused causing PTSD, and today I find out all my pain and other symptoms are caused by endometriosis. I feel like I’m spiraling down. It’s so hard to think positive when it feels like no one gets me. I don’t know anyone with BPD and PTSD how am I supposed to relate how am I supposed to cope my heart hurts along with everything else.