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    Guide to being a SURVIVOR!

    #ChildhoodAbuse #abandonment #Rape #terror #Depression ….

    When I was a small child, my father #Abandoned me without a goodbye. Mother had #Manic depression, and we were left poverty stricken. My clothes were holey, #filthy and #Hunger was a constant.
    I lived in #terror being 6 yrs old, alone and subjected to constant #Abuse by strangers in my house.
    I knew I had 2 choices #fight or #Die if I was going to win the ring of #Horror that had become my life. I chose to fight, to do what I needed to do, just to buy a pair of shoes. I had none. To cut a long story short, I want whoever is reading this to know that no matter how horrible, #Terrifying your life is right now? Take back your #courage , and #fight for what you want.
    I’ve done more than #survive severe #Childhood trauma, I’m a #MentalIllness survivor too. I’ve excelled on my own, through my determination to get out of the hell hole I was in: like: meeting and hugging Nelson Mandela. Raising money for victims of crime, importing and exporting art and furniture, travelling to most of the countries in the world, making friends and connections on my own. owning my many businesses, and selling them for profit. Studying and being qualified in the science of the addicted, mentally Ill brain. Qualifying as a mental illness and addiction counsellor, raising 3 kids who’re well balanced and happy .
    I’m now a YouTube influencer, my channel focuses on mental illnesses. Now, I’m teaming with MIND uk, to raise money for the mentally ill people who can’t work.

    You are a survivor, you’re a magical, strong, brave, fabulous person.
    Go for whatever you want, because you can. You can, no matter what ‘they’ did or said.
    Do it! Your life is yours. Please take it back.
    I’m with you.

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    Confession time

    I’m tired 😓, I’ve had lupus for 20 years and it’s been rough from the start. I’m exhausted in all ways possible. I’ve always done things the right way but recently I found out that the hospital has me as a seeker 🥴 talk about a fucking punch too the heart and gut. I seriously debated myself days was it finally time just to end it all. I have multiple chronic illnesses that causes severe pain and chronic fatigue. I go to the ER and sit hours in agonizing pain just for some doctor to come in and play judge if I’m in enough pain for meds or if I need to be admitted when I think I do and I sit and wait 8plus hours. Just to be looked at funny and sent home in worse shape then I came in. I don’t know how much fight I have left in me I’m really starting to not feel like much of a warrior. It’s 12:38 I’m trying to make this post and am barely able to keep my eyes open to type. I live in Saint Louis city and you can get frights from anyone or any corner but I’ve tried to do it right for 20 years but I’ve recently went and bought pain meds for the first time which wasn’t even worth my time,money or nerves. #Exausted #tired #cryforhelp #Lupus #ic #InterstitialCystitis #bladder #Pain #tired #Fibromyaliga #Depression #MentalHealth #Asthama #hurt #help #Die


    Too weak to end it. #Die#finish

    Nothing on my mind. Don’t want to be here, just not strong enough to finish my life.


    not wanting to live but not wanting to die

    I'm in a weird place, i've been close to death multiple times,the most recent being the closest and have determined I genuinely would not mind if I didn't wake up in the morning, I don't fear death but neither do I want to take my own life. My life has been full of emotional and physical pain and I'm so tired. I don't love myself my somewhat like myself. Battling my own brain was a fight I was never ever prepared for by anyone and I genuinely believe If I was educated on mental health while younger and taught anyone can go through it I would still be fighting but I would be prepared. I want the constant anxiety,depression and physical pain to end but I don't want to die but it's been more than a 10 year battle and I'm so tired if I can't win I'd rather fade away. #Depression #fight #lost #live #Die #Pain


    In a world that never stops

    I think the hardest part about #Anxiety , #Depression , #PanicDisorder, any mental health issue really... Is that the world don't stop.

    The world doesn't care that you're having a hard time. The world doesn't care that you have a giant ball of misunderstood #Rage burning in your soul, that you can't always "get over", or "let go" or "grow out of".

    The world doesn't care that you are #exhausted from being up all night biting the skin off your fingers where nails used to be, up crying into your pillow all night because you can't seem to be the person you want to be or even be "#normal " for one day. The world don't care if you've slept or not.

    The world doesn't care that your body feels like it's shutting down because your never ending anxiety has all your muscles so tense all the time that you just feel like a #Demon is literally sitting on your shoulders, that you can physically feel the weight of your demons dragging you down.

    The world doesn't care if you are having a panic attack right before you go into work, and that you feel like you're about to die, ("oh but for real this time, this time it's different I really think I'm going to #Die ).

    The world doesn't care that your arms and legs are going #numb and your vision is #blurry and you're starting to see in #tunnelvision , the world won't stop. The world doesn't care that your anxiety is so bad that you just feel like everything is going around you and you are on #Autopilot from having to do things you don't want to do so much day in and day out day, and you question, is this even real?

    The world don't care that you can't focus on anything because you have a million things running through your mind. "Quit living in the past" the world will say. "You are being over dramatic" the world will say. "It's all in your head!" The world will say.

    No shit.

    But oh, they must have never been #Cursed by a past that molded your future, in this #Reality , in this world, that will not stop.

    I know that feeling all too well. Where you just wish the whole world would stop, just for one minute so you can gather your thoughts, #Breathe , and remind yourself that it's okay.

    I know how it feels, I #struggle every day, and I know that this feeling will probably never completely go away, and I know that the world will never stop, but I have high hopes that one day I can atleast keep up.


    If You die today...

    I cant even count the times I've wanted to die, but now that a friend of mine passed away I can not help but think: if I die today, Have I done or said everything I wanted? Have you? #Die


    I miss Trouble , I feel like I’m dying inside

    #missing#Feeling #Pain #Die
    12 days ago my best friend Trouble , my service cat got outside.
    My boyfriend is blind in one eye and didn’t see Trouble run out.
    Trouble ran out just before alarge snow storm.
    Now we are expecting a very large storm.
    Trouble was my Velcro ball, I was her Velcro.
    My lord she was so beautiful
    She had the soul of an angel and God gave her to mr for a short time, 2 years.
    We both saw ups and down, I walked with her when she cried all night missing her babies and she slept on top of me all night paw out, reaching up my chest.
    She calmed my breathing, and I slept well.
    I miss her so much I feel like I’m dying inside.
    I hope the person who has her phones her tags watchnumber.
    It’s time for Trouble to come home now.
    I know she misses me because she took a part of my heart with her that I can’t fill back up and I don’t know how to.
    Every night I say a mantra and light a candle so Trouble can find her way home.
    God Bless her, she is my Angel.


    Help #Marriage #alone #sad #Low

    I’m at a low point I’m seeking #help I don’t have friends or family today for comfortable sharing my %struggles in my #Marriage with because I do not want my relationship or #husband or choice to stay in this relationship to be judged. My version of the story can make my husband sound insane like a horrible person but I love him to death and I can’t figure out a way to please him and not have to frustrate him or anger him all the time #ifeellikeshit I want to #Die I wish I could #killmyself but I worry about him being angry and my kids being hurt my family being disappointed and emotionally traumatizing my children so I don’t do it I’m miserable because I know I don’t make him happy and I’m scared to lose him.