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#Life ’s #Joy : Birthday Agenda

#party ….nope
#Guest ….nope
#dressup ….nope
#Orders ….nope
#drive ….nope
#Directions ….nope
#Late #home ….nope
#rest ….YUP
#relax ….YUP
#Fun at #home …YUP
#Stayed inside….YUP
#Loved the day….YUP
#Reality ….Fabulous #mentally #Healthy #Birthday without any
#Anxiety #PTSD #CPTSD #Depression #FinancialPain #worries #Guilt #Stress

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My life is more than my anxiety

#Anxiety Yes I have anxiety and panic attacks. I am not proud of this fact.
It is who I am. I distinctly remember my first anxiety attack. I was 13 years old .I attended a spaghetti dinner at a Baptist church within walking distance of my home. I heard some bible teaching that somehow scared me at the dinner.
I literally ran all the way home . I could not breathe. I was so afraid that my parents would disapprove of my visit to the church.
I was trying to please my parents . I had no idea what was happening.
I also remember blowing into a paper bag to calm down.
I still have panic attacks . I went to the ER just the other day. Yes my chest was hurting and my BP was high. I knew it was an Anxiety attack. I wanted to please the nurse at the OBGYN where I was having my panic attack and I went to the ER.
Anxiety attacks are a fact of my life. I am 64 years old.
My goal is to find a way to handle these attacks.I know that God has forgiven me and he is always there for me.
#Anxiety is real #Reality #overcoming
#I believe
#I am more than enough
#fully rely on God

6 reactions 2 comments
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#Abuse #Survivor and the #Withdrawl After Sharing Your #story

True to my nature, I share candidly about my childhood and ongoing abuse. Being honest is not hard for me. However, remaining in contact with people is my weakness.

As an example, I shared raw information about the abuse of my childhood, which has repercussions of ongoing control from the same abuser well into my adult life. This obnoxious toxic behavior is confronted whenever we engage in conversation. I “brush” it off, when I encounter it. However, the wounds of the past are evidently not healed because puss and decay fill the emotional scares that remain. How can they heal if the same manipulative controlling tendencies are continuously bruising the soul?

Any thoughts on withdrawal when vulnerability is expressed, #TheMighty folks?

Healing is occurring. But the social refrain from being vulnerable embarrassingly keeps me at a distance as if the childhood secret of esteeming the physical abuser, publicly, must remain behind closed doors to keep their reputation intact. I was the “clumsy one” when the scars were evident at school, church, or at the market. The abusive parent was honored for having to raise such a “clumsy” child. #ChildhoodAbuse #Reality

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Save me from my reality

Using my artistic imagination to express my gratitude for surviving a lifetime of trauma #SaveMe #Reality #Trauma #SuicideSurvivor #MentalHealth #myownprison

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#Life #Thoughts #changes #moods #Reality

Was this life part of a plan
Could I change beforehand
Sad & happy, false and true
Why did I put my trust in you
What am I to learn from this
We don’t all feel eternal bliss
Is it what we signed up for
Lean upon your sacred door
To be fooled into thinking
Soul is positively shrinking


Presume it one. Presume it the other.

So, like Lyndsay Wagner in the Bionic Woman I have a remarkably attuned sense of hearing that can pick up frequencies that others can’t, catching voices upon the wind even though they are some distance from me. This being so, oh how I am loathed! I wonder why anyone could have the inclination or the time to trip around someone else’s life, picking it apart so meticulously. It’s deeply disturbing to accept the notion, that I have no true sense of privacy because people who are completely alien to me and are hell bent on my downfall have ravaged through it and ripped it to shreds.

Or, my lucid imagination repeatedly sparks into creative overdrive bringing me a most unwelcome manifestation. Of course I’ve know such a thing for most of my life, although nothing as complicated as this - one voice after another with yet more and more still, all engaged in detailed conversation regarding me, all much to the negative I must add. Why my brain would play such torturous trickery upon me is a mystery.

They’re real! They can’t possibly be! No, they are, and the threat is real. Shhh, all you need fear is your own shadow.

I don’t know. I simply don’t know! #schizoaffective #Voices #Hallucinations #Reality

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Paranoid or reality?

How can you tell when something that is happening to you is just paranoid overthinking or its based in reality? I believe there is something awful out there about me on the internet accusing me of awful, untrue things, due to interactions and events that I connect together over a span of time. People tell me that I'm just being paranoid because they have not seen or heard anything and I haven't been able to find said post in all my searching. #Paranoid #Reality #pleasehelp

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What is HappIneSS?

One might probably think what the hell of a question this is and while the other might think it has a deep meaning. But this is certainty difficult to understand because some

don't have a clear understanding or picture about it. For some people happiness can be having an ice-cream, and some might only believe making money is happiness. But the situation can be opposite also. A millionaire might not be truly happy. Some people find their happiness in other's life.

Some people are just happy and smile if someone greets "Ram Ram" to him/her. So, there's a different definition of being happy for everyone.

In order to find the real meaning, spare some time and ask yourself, "What is happiness to you".

Whatever you have or make, try to find happiness in it. There's always something in everything. It's just the way we see and take it.

#Happiness #happy #Reality #Love #smile #positive #mind