Join the Conversation on
82 people
0 stories
8 posts
Explore Our Newsletters
What's New in
See full photo

Pain That knows

#Depression #Anxiety #GenderDysphoria #MentalHealth #transformation #rebirth #Rise

A long time ago in a far far far far distance from where we are today there was this person who was neither alive more dead. This person never felt the same nave felt included or connected with the people around them. This person would do what is expected and would put on that smile wear that hat 🎩 or that hat 🧢 well maybe that hat 👒 so as to blend or fit in until the time when IT was time to move on and try again. The emotional damage built over time IT really did. So much so that the person #disassociated #DID or as the person who explains #Dis #Divergent #Identity #Spectrum . The person didn’t feel real lived in #Autopilot mode and #DID what was expected of them. #Numbess #hurt #Pain #sorrow #Loneliness #Sadness #abandonment and yes #homelessness .

#transformation from a spiritual perspective and a physical perspective is a profound experience that changes your perception. When you have read the bible searched through Google and endured countless hours of counseling you realize #It . IT is what IT is isn’t IT. #please choose you. #please choose your present. #please choose your path. When you do not choose #you to be who you are others do.

#Transition ended the cycle.

This person sacrificed their life so that a new life could be! Now #free in #2023 this person has hope and a life that is full of love in so many different ways. The love this person has is #Selflove #SelfIdenty #Selfcare and yes #SpiritualLove .

No longer dose the person stare in the mirror 🪞 trying to see someone else. No now the person sees someone who is actually looking back at them. That person smiles! That person is happy! That person dose what makes them an individual!

We are all different and we all are special in so many ways so please 🙏 know there are better days!

#yournotalone #YourWorthy #yourlifematters

12 reactions 3 comments

Autopilot #Depression #Selfharm #Autopilot

Im hitting a wall!!! I wake up go to work and come home day after day after day my life has no meaning anymore. The government says we cant do anything cant eat out or see friends or travel your own country. Makes me feel more depressed...
Somedays i dont even remember going to sleep. When im at work i feel like i just wanna end it all jump off roof or cut my arm off and bleed out I can see myself doing before I want to do it I don't know what is going on any more... I just wanna scream for help.

1 comment

My Fear of Abandonment and Men

My fear of abandonment comes from being left by a lot of men in my life. It’s created a lot insecurities for me that I now am getting help for, but I still struggle with this very often. In hindsight, I think this one guy was my favorite person for a time, but recently he has disappeared again. And I am genuinely confused. I don’t know if I should be happy or sad that he’s gone. I don’t know whether to hat him for abandoning me or be happy that I don’t have to deal with the inconsistency. I want to cry, but I feel like I shouldn’t. I’ve talk to God about him many times, mostly in tears. Going from cursing him for hurting me and backtracking and asking God to watch over him. Why? Why do I have this piece of me that wants to make sure he is ok even thought I’ve hated him? I don’t know if I’ve gone numb emotionally or I’ve just accepted it as is. I know he did care, but there are times that I felt like he didn’t. We have mutual friends and he follows me on social media where he is almost always the first person to look and or like whatever I post. I think I’m on autopilot today, and I don’t want to feel anything. The world doesn’t feel real either. With all honesty, I just don’t feel safe. This is why I give up on having relationships because the other person always leave for something or someone else. I don’t normally ask for help, love, or support, but I really need it right now. I can truly say that right now I’m very vulnerable and I have no choice but to sit in it. #MentalHealth #Depression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #FavoritePerson #FearOfAbandonment #Autopilot


In a world that never stops

I think the hardest part about #Anxiety , #Depression , #PanicDisorder, any mental health issue really... Is that the world don't stop.

The world doesn't care that you're having a hard time. The world doesn't care that you have a giant ball of misunderstood #Rage burning in your soul, that you can't always "get over", or "let go" or "grow out of".

The world doesn't care that you are #exhausted from being up all night biting the skin off your fingers where nails used to be, up crying into your pillow all night because you can't seem to be the person you want to be or even be "#normal " for one day. The world don't care if you've slept or not.

The world doesn't care that your body feels like it's shutting down because your never ending anxiety has all your muscles so tense all the time that you just feel like a #Demon is literally sitting on your shoulders, that you can physically feel the weight of your demons dragging you down.

The world doesn't care if you are having a panic attack right before you go into work, and that you feel like you're about to die, ("oh but for real this time, this time it's different I really think I'm going to #Die ).

The world doesn't care that your arms and legs are going #numb and your vision is #blurry and you're starting to see in #tunnelvision , the world won't stop. The world doesn't care that your anxiety is so bad that you just feel like everything is going around you and you are on #Autopilot from having to do things you don't want to do so much day in and day out day, and you question, is this even real?

The world don't care that you can't focus on anything because you have a million things running through your mind. "Quit living in the past" the world will say. "You are being over dramatic" the world will say. "It's all in your head!" The world will say.

No shit.

But oh, they must have never been #Cursed by a past that molded your future, in this #Reality , in this world, that will not stop.

I know that feeling all too well. Where you just wish the whole world would stop, just for one minute so you can gather your thoughts, #Breathe , and remind yourself that it's okay.

I know how it feels, I #struggle every day, and I know that this feeling will probably never completely go away, and I know that the world will never stop, but I have high hopes that one day I can atleast keep up.



You know when you’re not holding on anymore but you haven’t finished falling yet so you’re just in the middle free falling..
yeah that’s been me for the last year.

Scratching and clawing at the air around me desperate for something to hang on to.
Desperate for something to give me that bit of breathe you take when you come up for air when you swim.
Desperate for that warm feeling, that there’s life inside my soul.
Desperate for that spark, that feeling of love again.

I don’t know when it will come. I can’t even remember the tiny glimpses I have had because it’s got so lost in the constant never ending drama that is my life.
I thought they said things come in three’s?
For me it never stops. Every incident or travesty just rolls into the next one.

I keep pushing forward through my day to day life like someone’s hit a button and pushed me into automatic. I’m on complete auto-pilot.
People keep telling me how strong I must be for keep getting up and keep on keeping on, but I don’t feel strong, I feel weaker then ever because Im the only one who knows I’m not in control anymore.

#Lossofcontrol #Autopilot #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Depression #Weak #ObsessiveCompulsiveandRelatedDisorders #ADHD

See full photo

When things are too much to handle

It seems like my problems are piling up & it’s adding to my #Pain & my #Depression my #Fibro #Fibromyalgia has been #Flared . Combating #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain has been #hell . I have my #Catfamily to get through this but it’s still hard. I keep trying to #TakeItOneDayAtATime but each day that goes by the more I feel like I’m on #Autopilot just going along & not reacting, not really living but just trying to survive. My #Anxiety has been through the roof & I need to contact a therapist still but I don’t want to leave the house & I would have to travel into the city to see them & after the #CarAccident I get terrible anxiety & #PTSD & #PanicAttacks whenever I have to get into a car, & the longer I’m in a car now the worse it’s get to the point if #nausea & vomiting because of it. I talked to my primary care doctor & he said I could probably find a doctor who does therapy sessions over the phone but the first time I would see them I would probably have to go into the office. I’m a hermit now. I can’t stand to leave the house & it takes so many #spoons to go out anywhere plus the stress that the only time I do go out is all the doctors appointments which I also hate. I keep putting all this stuff off that I need to do because of all this & I know it’s not good but I just can’t stand leaving the house anymore. Going through #Divorce #SplittingUp my 9 year #Marriage & I have little #familysupport for all this & my #Friendsupport circle is very small in my personal life. I have a lot of online friends who have helped me a lot but having someone physically there to check in on you is different. I guess I should be happy anyone checks in on me but there are so many people that I used to think would never my life & they all did leave after the car wreck. It hurts to be abandoned when you need someone the most & that’s what happens to so many people with chronic illness. All the people you used to spend time with no longer have time for you. It’s like being #Disabled means that you don’t get to keep your friends. I’ve made a lot of new good friends since then who I love but there were all these people who I needed who were never there when I needed them most & for a long time I blamed myself but I realized recently that it’s not my fault they decided my illness was too much for them. That’s on them not me: I just wanted to write to check in & now I’m on a depression rant. I’m here taking it one day at a time: sometimes with everything piling up I just want to give up. I haven’t given up though...yet. I deserve love I deserve peace I deserve happiness.

1 comment