Disasociative

I’ve been having crazy anxiety all night tonight. it started after I got done making some cookie dough, not that it’s related or anything but it started to come on right after I was done in the kitchen. I went to sit down on the couch and started to do a questionnaire online for my new physical therapy place. it went about asking me a ton of questions about past physical trauma to my spine... and that’s probably where my anxiety kicked off for real... I had a malpractice lawsuit when I had my first spinal fusion because the stupid fu@king surgeon took a healthy disc in my spine and replaced it with bovine bone... then left the extremely squashed ruptured disc in my spine until it was rediscovered by another surgeon 4mths later. By which time I’d almost lost function of my bladder because the disc was calcifying and I could barely walk. So I suppose I cracked my own wonder of why my anxiety was triggered.... I get triggered talking about it and I knew that but I didn’t think some simple questions would trigger me this bad. it doesn’t help that since all this physical trauma to my spine occurred I now have fibromyalgia. and my anxiety tonight is causing my skin to be super sensitive... yet I managed to zone out and pick the shit out of my forearm and make it bleed. we only had one bandaid left in the cupboard so I guess it’ll just have to figure itself out. as soon as I came to I could feel my skin throbbing 😞 #Pain #ChronicIllness #Anxiety #Depression #Disasociative #dissociativedisorders #Dermatillomania #skinpicking

#Disasociative

My husband told me that with all of the sexual assault and people blaming me he said “I’m having a hard time being affectionate to you as You would like it is nearly impossible for me and I’m trying hard but can’t. As much as I know everything that you are a victim and you were not the one who did it I just can’t. If it walk like a duck, looks like a duck it is a duck” those words broke my heart I don’t know what to say what to think I’m speechless.
😭😭😭😭😶😶😶😶😭😭😭😭💔💔💔💔💔