I’m writing this after reading several articles on how to combat loneliness.
Often the first one is to reach out to close friends.
There are several reasons this is not working for me. First, I don’t have any close friends I lost them or push them away due to my mental illness. Second, in the past year many of my immediate family have been put on the do not contact toxic list. So reaching for the phone is not helpful.
How can you be lonely if you’re married? My wife works and goes into the office several times per week. I am home and have been for almost 4 years with a complex mental disabilities. Most of it, in the past three years anyway there’s been a balance of her working from home and going into the office.
In order for her to be productive and mentally fit we agreed I won’t bother or distract her while she is quote “working”. Her location of being home or in the office does not play a factor in the agreement to let her do her job.
Another popular suggestion is to join social media or in person clubs or meetings. Due to my severe social anxiety I feel I would never be able to speak up with enough confidence to participate in clubs. (Getting hooked on social media as a distraction also not an option)
For example, “a Mets fan club” I still would not enjoy myself as I would think I’d likely not make friends anyway and feel inferior. No reason to join a club and become a wallflower. Knowing myself a all the buildup and anxiety before and after meetings would not be worth it.
The challenge is therefore left to me to fill my day with activities and constant distractions to fight the negative self-talk that pulls me to darkness. It tells me why bother, you have no purpose there’s no reason to get out of bed.
Anyone else has similar stories suggestions to share please feel free to comment below. Be Well!
Just a gentle reminder as to why I created this group. As a Pastor I am all too aware that churches have not always handled the issue of mental health with the compassion and sensitivity that it should have. Thankfully things are starting to change.
This group is for encouragement, support, prayer requests and honest discussion. So, lets treat each other with respect and sensitivity. There are pretty of other places for theological debate.
I have opened up a lot about my mental illnesses to my friends and family in recent years.
What I get is a big mixture of "I'm so glad you're talking about it," to "well, we are all F***Ed up, I knew you were too."
What I do not feel though, is heard or understood. Like on FB, if you're not happy, friendly and up beat at least 75-85% of the time. People drop you. So that just makes me feel like I am resented for being me.
I do not communicate with memes, jokes, sarcasm, or innuendo well. At least, not in written form. So if I try to be up beat and jovial, people still are like "so glad you feel better"
Buy I have been in perpetual depression since my dad was diagnosed with cancer in 2020. I am lost and cannot find my way out fighting grief since his death and the death of my service animal in 2021. So I am not better.
I want to literally spend all day, every day in bed with books, my teddy bear and warm blankets. Because I have no interest in anything.
If I behaved the way I feel, no one would be okay with what was going on. Friends, family, they would be freaked out because I wouldn't be there.
But I fight this so much. And I am tired.
Tired of the physical invisible illnesses. Tired of the mental diseases that leave me exhausted, broke, sick, and suicidal on the regular. Tired of just wanting to know how to make things work for my family, only to have everything blow up in my face day after day.
I am tired of living.
I don't want to die.
I am not trying to end my life.
I just do not want to be what I am any more.
I have no one to talk to about it. People say "so be different!" How!? How do I train myself to be different? Who can teach me? What books do I read? What work books? Is there a guide?
What do I need to do to stop being this lump of nauseated, depressed, migraine ridden, impulse driven, exhausted, manic insomniac, lethargic, apathetic 400lb lump!?
I'm so tired of being alone in wanting to change.
#Depresssion #BipolarDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #GastroesophagealRefluxDisease #Asthma #IrritableBowelSyndromeIBS #Obesity #ChronicMigraineSyndrome #PMDD #CatamenialEpilepsy #DegenerativeNerve