sexual

I’ve been reading a lot of posts about telling everyone about your abuse story. Telling your truth. It will help to heal you! A year ago I went through a trial against my sexual abuser, my father. I lost! It was a terrible experience! I felt retraumatized and angry. Once the Defense Attorney started the cross examinations and witnesses were brought in, that was itYou could see it in the jury’s eyes. I didn’t stand a chance. So much for telling my truth. Worst of all was the doubt in my husbands eyes and his family. Our relationship is forever changed. Has anyone else been through a similar experience? I’ve heard , You told your truth, it doesn’t matter what people think, but unfortunately it does matter. I would love to hear from anyone who like me, it didn’t work out and now you’re living with the consequences of TELLING! #sexual Abuse. #Doubts #help

Does anyone wonder if they have confabulated their childhood sexual abuse? #sexual abuse #confabulation #possibilities

× " How Can I L.O.V.E Myself When I Feel Broken And Mentally Damaged And Not Here... Every Day That I Look At Myself In The Mirror... All I See Is The #sexual Assult #Broken Person That I'am... How Can I Love The Body That Has Been Through Alot.. The Pain That I Feel Everyday Is Fucking Draining... How Can Someone Ever Want To Be With Me... I'm Trying So Hard To Fully Express My Feeling's... I'm The Broken Doll... That Feel's Worthless At Time's.. I Have My Episode 's I Have Plenty Deep Wound's And Scar's That Will N.E.V.E.R HEAL... I Have Lost Everything... I Have No Family Of My Own.. And Yet People Alway's Expect Me.. To Just Deal And Just Automatically Love Myself.. I Just Can't Do It Anymore... I Have Tried To Express Everything That I'am.. And That's Not Good Enough For Anyone... So Don't Expect Me To Just Turn On " The Love Myself Switch "... It's Much More Difficult To Master... Who Would Want Me With Physical And Mental Health Issue's... I Have Had Only One Realtionship My Entire Life... So It Harder For Me To "TRUST " Anyone With Intimate Thought's Or Private One's.. And When Your Mind Keep's Telling You That Nobody Will Want You... Your Not Beautiful As You Think.. Oh Your Fat... Well That's All That I Really See In Myself.. For Year's... " × #Thought 's

Hello , I am watching the last few threads of my sanity slowly unwinding as my new meds side effects and all try to give me a mood higher than 0. I wonder who will win this race. Insanity or these new meds and us putting one foot in front of the other and leaning in the hope that momentum carries us forward.
My brain has a constant stream of noise on a loop. Voice who are perhaps fractured parts of me as a result of a horrific childhood #Trauma of repeated #sexual assault, neglect, abuse and the regular inner #self hate, alone with the creaky shadows I sometimes think I see in my peripheral. I don’t ever sleep any more. I am hyper vigilant. My brain lets my body takes little naps. This night it gave me 3 hours and 22 mins. My new meds make me queasy, edgy, agitated, head aches, increase my suicidal ideation , desire to self harm and give me about 10 more of sleep, Great. Yes I know it takes time for them to kick in but unfortunately my last threads are about to unwind. I have repeatedly tried the recommended relaxation techniques . Sitting still is suffocating and makes my skin hurt on the inside where the only way out is a pain stimulus, it causes major Panic #Anxiety reactions and gives me 3D high def in living colour night-terrors
Both of my therapists and my Psychiatrist are working well with me. The question is will it be in time?
I thought I was at rock bottom as far as my depressions goes. The darkest of my entire life. Then I discovered rock bottom has a basement.. I am again in a crowd and again unable to find where or if I fit . That is no surprise..
By the by Insanity is in the lead.

× Hello , Mighty Family... It's Been Awhile Unfortunately This Will Not Be A Poem Tonight... I Have Been Having Anxious Feeling's At My Job.. All Because Of A New Guy... That Like's To Get Too Close And Like's To Touch Me. I Hate Being Touched By Anyone. Because Of A Decade's Old #sexual Assult. Now I Told This Guy To Please Not To Touch Me. And He Doesn't Listen Yesterday When I Tried To Sign In To Work. He Came Up Behind Me I Turned Around And He Scared Me. I Told Him Excuse Me To Let Me Pass. And He Didn't Move Or Listen... And Stood In My Way Like He Was In A Daze. This Co-Worker Only Touche's Me No Other Female's. So Now I'm Scared To Go To Work... And Stressed Out. I Already Let All Of My Female Bosse's Know. What He Has Been Doing To Me. I Deserve To Feel Comfortable x Safe Coming To A Job That I Love Doing. Now I Feel So Shamed For Telling Them. I Don't Want The Rest Of My Male Co-Worker's. To Feel Uncomfortable Around Me Now. I Feel Like I'm A Shit Starter x Drama Queen Now. I Can't Stop Crying I Don't Know How To Feel. I Like All Of My Co-worker's. The Rest Of The Men Respect Me x My Boundarie's. Now This New Guy Is Making Me Feel Like I Should Quit My Job. He Won't Leave Me Alone. #Depression #AnxietyAttack #Lowmood

as the title says im lost. my brother who was also my best friend commited suicede. i found out on the 21 of august. he had been missing for two weeks. when they found him it was said that he had been there for 5-7 days and was deceased for that time. my heart is breaking. i dont know how to live without him. i am so mad at him for leaving me here to pick up the pieces of the mess he made by taking his life. we went through hell as kids together he was my savior. we survived physical, mental emotional and sexual abuse at the had of my mother and many others. we survived being moved from home to home in foster care. i dont understand why he did this why he didnt reach out to me he knew i would be there for him and would do anything i could for him no matter what. im lost and i feel very alone right now

How is everyone feeling about the release of Bill Crosby? I have mixed emotions.

My abuser still lives in the same unit as me... i have resorted to hiding into my sanctuary... for years and i want to break free. but i dont know how