Endlesspain

So after a year filled with horrible pain, a disectomy and a laminectomy, I still ended up rounded my year out in pain. I'm not complaining, just confused and hurt. I thought I had a chance to make the pain decrease. Instead, I might have made it worse. I've been in recovery, physical therapy and back to work. They said moving around amd walking would help me. It's making things worse. I'm so confused because it could be worse but standing straight hurts, walking a short period of time hurts, sitting hurts. I hurt lying on my back and on my side. I can't use one side of my body. Sterioids don't help. Gabapentin isn't helping. Muscle relaxers don't help. Heating pad, heat cream, and arthritis creams don't help. I can't live and work like this. I see others and I miss walking right. I was in pain but at least I could walk. Now I can barely do that. I took my health for granted and now I might never get it back. I'm grateful to be alive but now I'm wondering about my choices. Is this pain going to subside? Did I make things worse for myself. I'll just keep praying until I figure it out. #chronic pain #disectomy #laminectomy #Recovery #Endlesspain #Gabapentin #stay strong #relief #Worried #scared #DegenerativeDiscDisease #pleasehelp #betterdaysahead

#CheckInWithMe I am desperately mourning. My son decided when he was 19 that he no longer needed his loving, supportive, affirming family. He cut off contact one by one and disappeared into the abyss. He blocked all of us on all social media outlets. He stopped responding to our texts. I attempted Suicide because of the pain. I started abusing sedatives and alcohol. Nothing has brought him back. His dad is a narcissistic demon and I’m not joking. I’m hoping this has not passed onto my son who is now almost 22. I cry, I cut, I find creative ways to get out of my head. The depression ravages me. It does not get better. It does not get easier. I am not well without my boy and not having any way to reach him. He’s broken my heart, his siblings hearts, his grandma’s heart. I’m getting married, I’m graduating college soon, I’m moving. I have a new job. My son doesn’t know us anymore but I wait by the phone. Every moment is waiting. He’s not here. #CheckInWithMe #Estrangement #ChildLoss #Endlesspain #alone