ExcuseMyBorderline

I've always been the different one in my family. I always had the most responsibility, but I also crashed the hardest when something didn't go the way I wanted it. When I was younger I genuinely didn't understand why I acted and thought the way I did...hell to this day it's sometimes hard to still understand it at times. I have a better reasoning now though. I'm still learning and growing from everything I can get my hands on. My diagnosis was a little more than 9 years ago and like most it was over looked at first. It wasn't until I was open about my self mutilation that I was finally diagnosed. My family runs a long line of various mental health issues, but this I feel by far is the worst one amongst them. You have no idea of ones self, no self-worth,self sabotage,risky behaviors that normal people wouldn't engage in,and a guilty feeling for even existing. I feel like such a burden most the time and the emptiness is so overwhelming it aches to my core. I also suffer from suicidal ideation that are so real that sometimes they scare me and I can literally feel the hair on the back of my neck stand up. I don't want you to think I'm not medicated or in therapy, because I am doing both. They do help ,but my demons are far to powerful most https://days.My wife is the only woman that tolerate the bullshit that embodies me and everything I throw at her. I think I'm always the victim, but I know deep down that I'm a narcissistic asshole most the time. i can only try to better myself and grow from everything. I am a lifer it seems, because it's been this long and there's been no remission. Heaven help, because lord knows I need it!
#ExcuseMyBorderline
#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #PersonalityDisorders #AnxietyDisorders #DepressiveDisorders #Bipolar1Disorder #Screwedup #Addictivebehavior #Narcassistic

Throughout most of my life, I thought everyone else was just like me. I thought maybe I’m not as strong as I thought I was. Maybe other people feel these emotions too, but somehow are far better at managing them. I thought maybe I was always changing my beliefs, my style, my opinions, my interests because I never knew my father. I thought I was so emotional because I was raised by a soft spoken woman, without a strong male role model present.

I never knew why I hated going to school. I never knew why holding a job longer than a few months was almost impossible. I never understood why my relationships always seemed so one sided. I seems to have unlimited love to give and found myself testing my partners to make sure they’d make equal sacrifices for me. 9/10 they would fail, yet I would stay. Or they would shower me with affection in the early stages, and I would shut them out and forget about them in no time flat.

Everyone from estranged family members, ex partners, and old friends, to ex coworkers, previous managers, to friends mothers acting in place of my absent mother. They all said the same things about me. I’m lazy, I’m a junkie, I’m a manipulator, I love guilt tripping, I refuse to take responsibility for my life, I’m FULL of excuses, and my favorite, YOU CANT LET YOUR EMOTIONS RULE YOUR LIFE!

2 months ago I stumbled across #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder and when reading the DSM-V criteria, it was explaining things about me that immediately clicked... for the first time in my life I had felt like I finally had a CLUE what was going on, what was “wrong” with me, and almost a sense of who I was..

There are still so many misunderstandings and stigmas associated with personality disorders in general and I just want all of you to know, you are FAR from ALONE!!! This group has given me a push at least a handful of days where I might not have made it without that push.

We are NOT to blame, we ARE suffering, and we NEED to stick together.

I ask each of you find one struggling soul within ANY group and give them some encouragement.

I am here if someone needs to talk, stay strong my MIGHTY FAMILY!!!!!

Love,

-Corey aka #ExcuseMyBorderline

#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder
#yourenotalone #help #IfYouFeelHopeless #PersonalityDisorders #Suicide #MentalHealth #Bandtogether #Iammybrotherskeeper #reachingout #DoNotGiveUp #dontsufferinsilence #MentalHealthHero