existentialcrisis

OK I am 31 years old and I want to change my life.

What is more important, happiness or comfort?

I dont want to do my job anymore. However, if I quit my job I will want to move to another state.

I want a new adventure. I want to pursue my happiness.

What would you do? Leave a job that provides what you need or go the minimalist life style but build life time memories? #Depression #existentialcrisis #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Memory

I'm having so much difficulty finding the motivation to just get through life. I don't want to waste too much of your guys' time, so I'll just sum it up as best I can.

My first problem is that I moved to a new town and everything feels so foreign to me. I'm so scared and confused and sometimes it feels like I'm living on Mars...I just want even the tiniest bit of safety and familiarity.

My second is more of an existential problem. I guess I've just started to understand how temporary and pointless life is. I know there's happiness to be found in life, but like...why even bother when it can all be snatched away in an instant. Even if I try for long-term happiness, there wouldn't be any point. It'll all get just get taken away anyway when I die... #Aspergers #Depresssion #demotivation #existentialcrisis

My whole life, well, okay, like 75% of it, I believed we were a wonderful nation filled with opportunities and livelihoods and hope and the promise of new horizons.
Then, 9/11.
It broke those rose colored glasses.
It did not just break them, it disintegrated them.
I learned a lot from that horrendous act and the years to come.
Mainly. America sucks.
3 years ago, my daughter was in 4th grade.
9 year old girl. She should be happy, having the time of her life. Playing on the school yard, laughing with her friends. Getting scraped knees and bruises.
I get a call from my daughter, at school. "Mommy, can you come get me?" At this point I have her brother in the car so I just pick her up. She was scared. I mean tears streaming down her face, can't breathe, full panic attack scared. 9 years old.
Why?
"Mommy, is it true? Are we all going to die in a nuclear war? Is North Korea going to blow us up!? What about our dogs!? Will they die too!? What about my friends?! Mommy!! I don't want to die!! I don't want to blow up!"
Now I have 2 kids screaming and crying while I am working a stick shift. I pull over and talk them both down.
What the...
Apparently the whole NK v US yeah, my daughter heard about that from her friends, at school!!!!
A friggin 9 year old girl has a huge existential crisis because our "president" cannot make
The last 24 hours have been interesting. Had to get my dad to the hospital for complications due to a bug. Virus, bacteria, I don't know. But he is sick, and on chemo so that's bad.
Oh and our president has started a civil war...
Yeah.
Well, basically.
4 are now dead. 52 arrested. And all because he thinks, thinks not knows,, thinks not proven, has no proof,, has zero, ZERO, NADA, ZILTCH IT DOES NOT EXIST, zero proof, that he was "robbed" of his presidency.
I'm sorry. I did not vote for him the first time and he lost the popular vote by 3 million. He lost.
He LOST. So now, because he LOST, to make sure he wins, we are going to resort to the same middle eastern tactics that we, in the 1980's and 90's would stick our army in the middle of and say NO NO, BAD JUJU, STOP THAT, BE A DEMOCRACY!!!! NOW we are terrorizing the politicians that hold power over this and saying "do it our way or else" WHY!?
Because Americans believe whatever that monstrosity of a president says.
Not all of them. Not me. But a lot of them. Too many of them.
I am sick of it. I am tired of it. I want it to stop.
How can anyone in this country evolve as humans and make this planet better with his influence still mixing bad into the pot!?
And now, in the last 15 days of his presidency they want to impeach him, evict him from the white house...
Too little.
Too late.
This country.
We used to be beautiful...
Now?
Now we hide in the mud, beg for scraps from those above us, when they throw manure we call it gold...
We have sunk, so very far. #Depression #Anxiety #existentialcrisis #patriotdisillusioned

I am just so consumed with existential dread/depression . I don’t know what to do. Feel like I’ve hit a dead end. #CheckInWithMe #MentalHealth #existentialcrisis

Today was a beautiful day. The sun was out & so was the lovely man in the wheel chair named littlebear. Yes littlebear. I got through the day pushing out all the negative thoughts but the night has come. I find myself re thinking past events and current words I’m told. Not words of hate but words that mean nothing. I keep finding out more. More reasons why I should not be here. The past events I replayed in my head were family gatherings, laughing moments, sad moments, school events, memories with my mom and so forth - where I imagined I was never there.
Such a strange heart stabbing feeling to know that your existence did not bring much. That my existence held some back. Is that the reason why I always carry myself ? Why I never fully let anyone in ? Why I hate group projects ? Because I was always an unnecessary addition. So I step away in order to keep everything at bay. I was told that my mom thought something was wrong with me because I did not cry much as a baby and as I got older I cried so much as a child, I would wake up crying & that any little things triggered tears & it annoyed everyone to the point where I would get threatened not to cry or punished. That my tears were annoying. Truth is , I don’t know why I cried so much. Younger me knew I would have a hard time finding any meaning / purpose in life in her early 20s. #purpose #existentialcrisis

Does anyone else ponder what if the past x-number of years/months of your life were your own comatose dreams and feel like your life would make way more sense if that were true? Or on the flip side, daydream of falling comatose just to shut off your brain and escape responsibilities for awhile? #existentialcrisis #Anxiety

Well, I was temporarily laid off without pay because of the virus. I am stressed and anxious about that. I filed for unemployment but we’ll see how that goes.

Been spending most of my time depression sleeping and playing mindless videogames during what waking hours I have.

Tonight’s been a little more rough, having a particularly bad downward spiral and feeling lonely. ‪Feeling sad and ugly and lonely lately.

‪Some days I don’t think I look particularly hideous and then I look at how alone I’ve been my whole life and wonder maybe I am just that ugly and I will be alone forever and die sad and alone.

I want to “get out there” but I am terrified of putting myself out there. The last person I loved broke my heart so bad I am scared of ever opening up again. I am scared that if I did open up and then they left me like the last person did I probably wouldn’t survive it.

I had a breakdown when this important person of 7+ years shut me out when I really needed them most. I wanted to die. I lost 20lbs. I barely ate. I didn’t work for a year. I don’t think I have ever fully recovered. I used to draw a lot and it heavily involved them, I don’t draw nearly as much as I used to because it still has ties to them.

I miss them so much but I also hate them and wish nothing but horrible things on them and their life... and at the same time if they ever reached out to me ever, I would probably happily take them back into my life.

Man, I need a therapist again.
I can’t afford one though.‬ #Loneliness #Depression #Anxiety #existentialcrisis