So I still speak to my ex boyfriend from years ago, I broke up with him 7years ago and we have always remained friends..
He has a gf, they have been together years but he has never seemed happy or fulfilled within an the relationship.

We have been speaking again quite regularly and this evening he said that he realised the other night he has "straid so far from his principles and dreams"

He also told me that "he thinks he will always be mine"
We spoke about getting back together..

I feel guilty to her that he still feels that way!

Yet i also know we still both share the same long term dreams..
We made the Best team and it hurts me to know he has spent 6 years with someone who doesn't make him happy!

The thing is we started talking about it, like it was actually going to happen..
I feel guilty for talking like that.
It's likely he won't have the guts when it comes to it..
but the making up dreams in our heads is painful for me if they are not going to be real.

I have soo much going on in my life right now!
After being raped in May I have trust issues with new men and part of me wonders if I only want to be back with him because I'm scared I'll never be able to fully trust anyone new again..

I know he was always a safe bet, we made the best team but it took a long time for me to grow a spark.

I don't know I just feel like this might all be setting myself up to create a dream world were I have the most supportive man I was ever with back..
when in fact I have to deal with the heaviness of prosecuting my bio father for horrific abuse, alone.

Im worried to build it up in my head like I'm going to have that kind of support, when in fact I need to keep strong in order to deal with it alone...

AHH this has sent my head into a spiral!
No idea what I'm going to do!?!
Thanks for reading

#PTSD #CPTSD #Relationships #BipolarDepression #lovesick #Upallnight #CheckInWithMe #Survivor #MightyQuestions #lonely #Guilt #headspin #RapeSurvivors